Should I or shouldn’t I? This is a typical question that arose for years that I thought led to a deep consideration of something. Should I sign up for this class or shouldn’t I? Should I eat this thing or shouldn’t I? Should I take this job or shouldn’t I? Should I buy this thing or shouldn’t I?
For years it sounded reasonable, even supported by my experience and by practice. After all, doesn’t a smart person list the pros and cons, the benefits and risks of any decision?
When I look to my experience, that question never comes from presence or leads to clarity. In my experience, it leads to being in a constant “should I, or shouldn’t I” conversation in conditioned mind (followed invariably by “that was the right or wrong decision”). The process is the outcome!
What to do instead and what has worked:
- Drop the conversation
- Get here
What’s glaringly missing is where conditioning attempts to regain control: Shouldn’t I be getting here to bring my attention to the content and make a decision from presence, from clarity? The truth is, I don’t know. What I do know is that when I move from presence to figuring it out, the figuring out process brings me back to “this or that, right or wrong, should I or shouldn’t I.”
When I drop the conversation and get here, my experience is that I am present for whatever Life presents. Open, available, relaxed…ready to attend to whatever arises in presence.