FINAL CLASS 1 POSTING
I remember periods of self-criticizing thoughts, self-criticism and BIG fear of making a mistake. All of these impact my capacity on efficiently work in my personal project as a coach. I delay a lot of actions thinking and feeling that I need something more for my action to be perfect. R/L
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And, we get to see that egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate will keep us there noodling forever rather than getting in the flow of Life unfolding to participate with Life. It’s funny when we step back from it to see that the obsession is about “making a mistake,” when the only real “mistake” we can make is living in fear with ego. (Even that isn’t really a mistake, but you know what I mean.) Gassho
Doing the assignment, I watched myself get identified with all of the One characteristics mentioned. I watched duality as I decided if I showed One characteristics. I watched judgment as I didn't like the person who is a One. Every characteristic is a distraction leading to suffering.
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Well seen! Yes, the whole thing is an egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate extravaganza designed to keep a human being in suffering. When we see it for what it is, we start being able to see the alternative to being caught in that web of distraction. For instance, you begin to see that you’re seeing the identification rather than being the identification. As we see that, we can see that we are the awareness observing rather than the process being observed. That’s what we do in awareness practice, stepping back and stepping back to see a bigger and bigger picture. Gassho
Something comes up and I want to do the best I can. Not a bad sentiment. However it is followed by agonizing evaluations about what is my best, how does it rate with others’ best, will others think it is my best, etc. All noble intentions lost.
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Beautifully laid out. There’s that pure wish to do our best. Then the layers of horse pucky start getting shoveled on. Before long even we’re not in touch with that first noble intention. That argues for stopping, dropping it, picking up the recorder, making a recording of the noble intention, and listening to that recording often! Gassho
Oneness triggered by perceived racism. Based on fear of harm to my wife and children who are/were black. But it's egocentrickarmicconditioningselfhate creating story. No actual present harm threatened. Pushes belief in moral superiority and what should be. Causes head-in-the-sand response. End up afraid-angry but nothing to do. Anger goes underground. R/L
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This is another wonderful example of how egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate turns the best in us against us. You love people who are targets for racism. You’re sensitive to all people subjected to racism. That’s a tender place in your heart. What do the voices of self-hate do with that? Turn that sensitivity into judgment, comparison, shoulds, fear, and anger. Anger goes underground, and so does the tender sensitivity. True? At the risk of sounding like a song from the 60s, the world needs Love. We need Unconditional Love. All God’s children need Unconditional Love—and I don’t mean just the two-legged ones! Gassho
Can’t stand these characteristics in others (projection)! The micro-managers don’t leave room for the rest of us to be in charge. Relentless standards. Seeing how tense & angry it makes me. Life politely waits until I drop the rock. It seems blocked otherwise. R/L
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This is very good to see, isn’t it? I judge you with the same standards I hate you for judging me with! And the karma goes round and round…. What a gift that Life is so very patient and kind, huh? Waiting patiently as we flail around and find ourselves. Gassho
Perfection leads to comparison which leads to being conflicted. Conflicted over the emotional, creative and energy “units” in a day and how they are spent being perfect vs. a heart’s desire. Working a 10 hour day and then conflicted over work/life balance or how I perceived. Is my perfection a facade?
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Are you asking me that? Did you read what you wrote? What do you see? Gassho
"I" am not a One - said now laughingly responding late (critically comparing/wanting response to be perfect) because I'm too busy (doing good for others). Process shines a bright light Essence vs Personality. R/L Gassho
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It’s funny, isn’t it, to see how clear this stuff is when we step back from the ego bamboozle of conditioned mind and look at it unflinchingly. We can see both of those possibilities for “identification,” Authenticity and egocentricity. Now our practice is to sense which is which and how to choose the one and ignore the other. Funny and fun! Gassho
What I see is that "perfectionism" is about ego's standards. When I am working hard to make things "perfect" I am actually allowing ego to dictate what is acceptable and unacceptable. All that attention on ego causes me to miss the beauty of what is. R/L
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You got it! The price we pay for indulging ego is that we don’t get to have the life Life is offering us. We don’t get to have the beauty of what is. We get to slink around in the negativity of ego’s “something wrong/not enough,” believing the voices that say we’re alive yet rarely able to enjoy the beauty, wonder, joy, and kindness that IS Life. Rarely. Not never. If it were never, this would truly be hell. Blessedly, even in the pit of near absolute ego identification, there are glimpses of the light. Gassho