An image drops in: the intrepid practitioner facing a bully who taunts, “You can’t do this, no matter how hard you try.” Conditioning dances around, clumsily, pulling arguments out of the air to try to talk me out of what I know, what I want to do, what would be helpful to me and my practice.
Then…Commitment Buddies to the rescue! What did I want to commit to that I kept getting talked out of? Ever since this program started, one commitment that always makes its way to the commitment arena is recording and listening. I know it’s good for me; it helps keep me connected and feel supported; it’s a portal to insight. Yet, this is the one practice tool that conditioning tries to grab away, talk me out of, propose all the “I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it” arguments against it.
The inspiration to add this commitment to my daily practice showcases R/L as a daily reminder that I don’t need to engage in any conversation about whether I should/shouldn’t R/L. I just do it, no matter how I feel or what other “more important” activities conditioning tells me I “should” do instead.
At first, I spent more time trying to talk myself into doing it (also known as engaging in a debate with conditioning) than it took to actually pick up the recorder and start to speak. It often came down to: I made a commitment and I’m going to keep it. The knowledge that I’ve also committed to check in with my Keeping Commitments buddy at the end of the day adds impetus to my resolve to step up.
I practice showing up for myself. The ego conversation is short-circuited. I pick up the recorder and turn it on. O Happy Blessed Opportunity!
Gasshō
Laura B