I’m new to enneagrams and struggle with self-applied labels, even though I know I do this. I resonate with approval seeking behaviour. I work hardest when a client urgently needs my help. Shame underlying fear of failure resonates. But I also tend to hide “under the radar” to avoid attention.
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This is all very good to see, isn’t it? Back in Class 1, we saw the tendency to try to get it right/be perfect. In Class 2, we saw those helpful/resentful tendencies. All we’re doing with everything we do in this practice is practicing awareness. We do stuff so we can pay attention and see what we see. We see what we see, and in that seeing get some distance on egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Getting that distance, disidentifying, assists us to realize that what “we” are is not the voice in the head, not the conditioned beliefs and assumptions we’re used to thinking are “who we are.” Increasingly, it dawns on us that what we truly are is the awareness that is aware of ALL. Gassho
Lots to see! The focus on meeting “external expectations” catapults my attention to someplace “over there,” instead of the beauty, joy, & love of the moment. The performer lives in ego's world of comparison, not Life's world of rightherenow. Writing this reminds “me” that there’s “no me necessary.” Ahhhh. R/L.
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You make a marvelous case for practice! When we’re caught up in the yammy, yammy conversation of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate conditioned mind, there are really no options other than suffering. That’s just how it is. We do something—anything—in the realm of practicing awareness, and, as you say, “Ahhhh,” we’re present in thisherenow with no problems! Gassho
My partner is classic Three and his focus on performing is 'The Other Woman' -- I can't compete. At Center I know it's not personal but the theme of invisibility is an easy target for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. That plus 'Why can't you be more like him?' provide impetus to double-down on practice. R/L
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We are driven to awareness practice, are we not? We see that without the ability to direct attention and choose presence we are doomed! Isn’t that a gift?! Thank you for that! Gassho
Noticing ‘external expectations’ are foremost ego’s expectations. Noticing that they whisper beneath the radar non-stop. Notice my heart’s desire is to be free of ego’s expectations and to choose my own, or Life’s way in each moment, including those moments that are ˜unimportant’, mundane, boring, hard. Am practicing it! R/L
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Excellent. It’s true, those voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate are whispering beneath the radar non-stop, and if we don’t learn to expand our radar we will be controlled by ego for yet another lifetime. When we see what you’re seeing, it’s clear that “choosing my way” is “choosing Life’s way” in each moment. There is no “me” outside of Life—and that’s how we want it, yes? The beauty of that realization is seeing that moments that are unimportant, mundane, boring, or hard are moments we spent with ego rather than Life. Gassho
After a lifetime with conditioning of meeting standards of church, health, and career authorities, now, I see the Performer in my awareness practice creating bamboozles around excelling, comparison and separation. I practice to see how this stops me from my heart's desire of ending suffering in each moment. Gassho. R/L
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Good! That’s our whole point in awareness practice, isn’t it? We don’t “see” in order for ego to beat us up for having done it wrong in the past; we “see” because our heart wants to end suffering, and getting a clear bead on ego’s bamboozles lets us do that. Well done! Gassho
Life-long focus has been on looking good and fixing conditions until they’re right. Never produced the dreamed-for happiness. Now, practicing loving what’s in front of me. Often forgetting, but continuing to practice. R/L Gassho
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Great point! We do get bamboozled into forgetting to direct attention to thisherenow. Old habits, as they say, can be hard to break. If we’re breaking those habits to “be the right person,” the process will be brutal because it will be an ego v. ego game only ego is going to win. But if we’re practicing loving what’s in front of us because loving Life gives us the happiness we’re always dreamed of, we’re already home free! Gassho
Something I used to say a lot was, "I just want to be nobody doing nothing." Take a break from being "a somebody" like I needed to travel away somewhere to do it. Now I know that I just need to disconnect from the conversation with conditioning! Ah! Wonderful. R/L
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Now that’s a time-saver as well as a money-saver, isn’t it? Not being fooled by voices that say we need to go off alone to some island somewhere to have the peace, joy, and freedom we “know” is possible, we can just stay right here at home and give all attention to the wonderful life that is ours to have. Gassho
Feel best in activity, (nine with three wing.) However, three conditioning bothers about “loose-ends.” It nags of things undone even things that cannot be finished now. Realize it’s egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate trying to take me from Life. Practice breathing and staying present just doing the next thing that can be done. R/L
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Yes, we practice being with what is so NOW. Any attention to past or future and egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate puts a foot in the door and starts taking up more space. Seeing that tendency, we make, and listen to, lots of recordings about the perfection of thisherenow, right? Gassho
Parents approval through productivity and attractive mate has been a fundamental base all my life. I even obtained a Phd in sciences because of that!. I was shocking when realized. Today reinventing me following a deep internal feeling. I faced a strong mental struggling when deciding. R/L
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A word to the wise: You don’t actually want to “reinvent me.” A new and improved ‘me’ is still going to be a me, and a me is still going to be an illusion of a self separate from Life. In practice, we learn to let go ego-identity so that Life can animate the human being directly, bringing a life of peace, joy, and satisfaction. Gassho
Hearing, “wish I had more 3 qualities-don’t relate”-caught egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate doing the observing. Used R/L to see that many qualities resonate deeply and yet can still feel/hear egocentrickarmicconditiong/self-hate interpreting. Curious: why is it so loud? Rather than just go with “don’t relate” what is actually there to see? Still looking. R/L
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When a little kid really wants something, do they tend to be quiet about it or loud about it? Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is in a “life and death” struggle to get and keep the attention it needs to continue to appear to exist. When there’s something wrong, a problem, feeling bad, urgency, too busy, etc., a human being will give attention to ego. That’s why it’s so loud! Yes, indeed, keep looking. That’s what we’re here to do in this great adventure called awareness practice. Gassho
Three-ness showed up when my “dream” job was eliminated. Egocentrickarmicconditioning/ self-hate taunted, “Your product wasn’t good enough! You’re worthless!” Years of shame and anger ensued. Now retired, but ego still trots out this tired old story regarding housework, social engagements, etc. Catching it ever earlier! R/L
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Good! It never quits, does it? As if you can change what happened then all these years later! As if what it’s saying was true even then! HA! Enough. It’s had all your life force it’s going to get, and you now know how to cut it off before it has a chance to inflict suffering. Gassho
What showed up first/strongest was resentment against 3’s. The story was “because other people are performing, you have to perform, too. If they would stop, you could, too.” Helpful to see the outward projection and egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate’s attempt to distract. The resentful feeling can be reminder to redirect attention. R/L
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Yes, it surely can. That “if they would stop/you could too” is such fertile ground for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, such a little kid wail of “s/he started it!” (We did learn this stuff early, didn’t we?) As grownups practicing awareness ,we get to see that if we want to stop doing something we can, and we really don’t need for anyone else to do or not do anything. Talk about freedom! Gassho
Examining: looking for fulfillment by managing others’ opinions of me vs. experiencing fulfillment by having all attention in Present. Focus on Three enneatype has brought into relief ego’s supposed attempts to seek satisfaction “outside.” “ desire for mate, in work performance, etc. Seeing it = reminder to come back here. R/L
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YES! We’re learning to use everything egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate does as a signal to bring attention to thisherenow, to Presence. Realizing there is no outside, we get to bring attention back HERE where ego’s shenanigans are highlighted against what is actually so. Much more fun, isn’t it? Gassho
My mother boasted about her "superiority" and she worried about image. I hated that. I do worry about image but always think that my house, job, appearance, lifestyle, etc., don't measure up. I tend to think people who look like they have it all together are empty and shallow. R/L
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Well, those are all good beliefs and assumptions to explore, aren’t they? You give such a great picture of how we (all) see things as children, how meanings get attached to those, how ego slips in and begins to use the entire unexamined mess, and we suffer as a result. Now you’re seeing it and seeing through it—the way out of suffering! Gassho
Helpful to see this ego-demand so clearly described: needing external validation for productivity. Listening to ego means that fear of losing quickly deflates any success. Heart’s desire is to be freely present, not stuck in ego’s prison. To be free, recognize the sign: “Ego’s Prison, Enter Here.” Then, don’t enter.
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Then go in exactly the OPPOSITE DIRECTION. Yes! That’s a great tip for all of us. What are the voices saying? It’s very likely the exact opposite is true. Not sorta opposite—exact opposite. The world of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is not called “the world of opposites” for no reason! Gassho
Frequently fall for a process of seeking external validation. Sometimes paralyzed by need to present positive image. Prioritizing other people’s expectations has delayed even identifying my own desires. Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate claims following my own desires, even if I knew them, would be self-indulgent. Lots to look at here. R/L
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Here’s what we all can know: Ego calls everything other than indulging it “self-indulgent.” Everything! Meditating is self-indulgent. Fixing and eating healthy food when so many people are hungry is self-indulgent. Going to bed on time when there’s “so much to do” is self-indulgent. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. This is big, what you’re seeing! Gassho
I easily adopt a persona of leader/facilitator/networker, and am confident and comfortable. I sometimes experience the energy of being “driven”. Conditioning says I am “putting on an act,” which makes me wonder if I’m just pretending everything is fine, ie I question my own experience. Gassho R/L
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Which is exactly what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate wants you to do! When “you” question “your own” experience (those quotes pointing to the need to question just “who” those “folks” are), where do you look for answers? Yep. You look to conditioned mind. And what will conditioned mind tell you? Anything that will cause you to suffer. Can you see it? Gassho
Obsesssion on showing that everything is “great", until I would fall apart. If not “at the top”, then “at the bottom”, no middle ground. Walls were built, “I” thought I was flawed, nobody could know my real me then. Fear of sharing weakness, “suck it up”. Lots of suffering
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Uh huh. There’s a very good description of the dualistic world of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. This or that. Top or bottom. Best or worst. When we step back, we can see how silly that is. But caught in it? Life or death! Gassho
Observing external success of others, egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate screams with envious desire to mimic the winners, and self-loathing shame. Blank spot that awareness can be trusted to drop in the next right step. Willingness to do anything to succeed. 'Self-betrayal? If I'm winning success, how can that possibly be self-betrayal?'
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You are ego’s mouthpiece with those question, yes? It can be very tricky to tell what’s behind those kinds of statements/questions. Does the person believe that? Are they speaking from what they perceive as true, or are the saying what the voices in conditioned mind are saying to them? The first part of your response makes me think you’re giving a report, which I hope is true. It would be extremely beneficial to the human being to give some focus to how an alternative will be implemented. Know what I mean? Gassho
At first I notice concern over the appearance of things around me and then more and more of the Enneatype shows up in me. Once projected a huge conflict with a Three; now see how alike we were all along and understand that success can be scary too. R/L Gassho
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I was right with you until that very last “conclusion.” “… success can be scary too” is the kind of assumption egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is eager to turn into “truth.” Everything is scary when we’re looking through the fear that is ego. From presence, success isn’t scary. From presence, everything just is what it is, nothing singled out as ego’s success/failure. The point I want to underline in what you wrote is “now see how alike we were all along.” What we struggle with in “others” is what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate makes unacceptable in us. Gassho
This is how my journey started. I fell hard for someone both financially better off and more in touch with this/here/now. My story spun so large that it created misery even in the face of joy. Words wouldn’t flow, actions were constrained. I wasn’t where I most wanted to be. R/L
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First, that’s definitely NOT how your journey started. Second, there’s no need for the slashes in thisherenow; it’s written as one word because it’s one thing. And, it’s not “your” story. All that said, yes, it’s very helpful to see that egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate lies when it promises we’ll be happy “just as soon as” we get everything it tells us we want. You “got” everything you were told you wanted, and ego set about ruining it for you. This is actually quite helpful, isn’t it? Now you’ve seen how it does what it does. You’ve seen the “price” it will make you pay for listening to and believing it. Time to diligently direct attention to where you most want to be, yes? Gassho
I spent half my work life looking for external fulfillment in life. That ended with finding a conscious spiritual practice. As a young boy, i was the entertainer for my family--to gain approval and ease family tensions. I no longer need others' approval-I could care less.
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Hmm… that juxtaposition of “conscious spiritual practice” and “could care less” is an interesting one. Gassho
This comes out socially, constantly monitoring how others might view me. It leads to seeing interactions as power-struggles and opportunities for manipulate. This power-struggle is a manmade there is nothing real in that. I hide/obscure so much that when alone I have trouble knowing who I really am.
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Well, I suspect you’re not alone in that “not knowing who I really am.” Most folks left the authenticity of presence so long ago, making a “survival” alliance with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, that not knowing who they are has become the “natural” state. It is for this reason that we practice awareness, isn’t it? We reach the point when ego’s survival is killing us, and we start looking for a way out of that prison. Here we are, huh? Gassho
Just realized that identifying with Type Three in large part led me to Practice. Without even noticing this process until right now (having “right job/spouse/house” then dissatisfaction), Ego kept me from seeing that dissatisfaction and desire to fill a deeper need helped get me to Here. Grateful Gassho R/L
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Yep! When we realize we’re on a path to the freedom of presence, we’re grateful for every step that got us here. No more looking to conditioned mind for stories about what was wrong or missing in the past, nor for stories about what will be wrong or missing in the future. Just this, right here and now is more than plenty for us, right? Gassho
I judge myself constantly by my actions: their success or failure, and now that I am older and post-stroke impaired, my actions are even less accomplished, leading to shame, frustration. I also "perform" dramatically to get attention. I want love and admiration but don't trust it.
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First, “you” don’t judge you, egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate judges you. You’re listening to a conversation in your head that talks about success or failure, and how you are doing. Those voices (that conversation) make you feel shame and frustration, AND it’s the very same voices that make you not trust the love and admiration you’re given. Watch. Listen. Pay close attention and you’ll see it happening. THIS is what awareness practice reveals. It also, happily, gives us a way to end the torture! Gassho
“Nothing” was coming for Type 3. Then, saw “I” was secretly hoping I’d be honored at a celebration event for a big project. Felt silly. I enjoyed the work. This desire distracts me from now, and likely would from the event. I enjoy working for the sake of it, not for reward/ recognition. R/L
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AND, there’s no reason not to be sure that sincere, hardworking person feels honored, appreciated, and celebrated, is there? We all want to feel seen and loved. True? That’s the beauty of a relationship with the Mentor. There’s no risk of “feeding the ego” when we genuinely express appreciation for someone’s efforts. It just feels good all the way around! Gassho
It's always been impossible to choose a life path with ego's torturous "that's not the right choice" angle. Resulting shame about what others might think of my low-level job while pursuing a creative path, not having a 'career,' having no job at all, or whatever my current situation. R/L
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Well, you make a very compelling argument for not listening to or believing those voices! Stepped back, we can see the whole thing is nothing more than a campaign to ruin a perfectly good time, right? Perhaps a great gift to all of us would be for you to follow your heart and rejoice in that choice? Makes me happy just to think of you doing that! Gassho
From egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate’s standpoint, my greatest failure is not being a 3. A 3’s characteristics are what are valued and what I lack! So I’m pushed to somehow manifest a 3’s traits. The Mentor encourages me to turn away from that belief and get here to discover what’s so. R/L Gassho
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Ah, that Mentor never fails us! Ego’s take is “however you are you should be different.” If you had every 3 characteristic, THAT would be what’s wrong with you. One day we will all die. Will we have had a life that brought us joy, or will we go out with bitterness and regret? If we stick with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, we will definitely get option 2. Probably the last thought/word will be along the lines of, “Well, that was a bust and it’s all your fault.” We can put an end to that right now! What does Life want for you? That’s what we’re finding out here. Gassho
Story is: “Inherently unworthy”, yet the redemption strategy of hard work, money, success, is never enough. This runs deep, awareness is resisted; I rationalize, and hustle. Need perspective; coming back, (again and, yet again) to stillness and silence; experience the energy, and then the release of delusion. R/L
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You’re getting a good sense of where to end that reign of tyranny, aren’t you? Two places: 1) any hint of unworthiness is a signal to turn attention to thisherenow; 2) Anytime awareness is resisted, you can know the devil is lurking and you need to turn attention to thisherenow. Pure bull hocky is the name for that crapola about “inherently unworthy.” There’s no evidence of any such thing, though huge numbers of people have gained a lot of money and power by putting the notion forward as “truth.” Gassho
Letting go “hard” work, competitiveness, and pursuit of goals, there is spaciousness for loving work, cooperativeness and attention to thisherenow. From presence, there is connection to and satisfaction with the oneness of all that is, and from this place a deep resonance with the intelligence that animates. R/L
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This is so. When we’re with/in Life, all that dualistic nonsense just falls away. (I’ve removed the spaces between the words in thisherenow.) Gassho
I saw 3 checking to see if others are watching. When running late, projections of "what they think" appear. "Looking good" (according to standards of 1) is paramount. It's not me!!! Such a relief, thisherenow. But what will others think of this response! No need, just submit and breathe. R/L
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Oh, if only we could all get these two simple “truths”: 1) There are no “others,” and if there were they would be thinking whatever they’re thinking and we would have no control over that; and 2) nobody is thinking about us! Ego is watching us all the time so we think those others are. As we get the hang of “watching” egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, it quickly becomes clear that we are just simply not that important to people. Ego may rant, rave, obsess, and fume in conditioned mind, but a little watching will show us that has nothing to do with anybody. It’s just ego reinforcing ego at a human being’s expense! Gassho
Notice procrastination because my response is not good enough, insightful, successful enough. With more time I could perform better. Tiring, anxiety producing and not me. Gassho. R/L
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Exhausting yet unfulfilling, right? Time to stop giving that conversation so much attention? Attention is ours to direct. We have a habit of letting egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate do the directing, but we can stop that at any time. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, we can up the awareness practice that will end a life-ruining habit. Gassho
Returning to the breath between projects replaces the search for approval for what I've just done, with what is present here and now, R/L
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This is very good, AND you know you can breathe DURING projects, right? Gassho
Whoa! Intimacy issues, shame about who I really am, difficult to know. As a result of hiding the belief from the world of my worthlessness, I feel terrifyingly alone. I hear from our practice that it's a lie, but sadly, I don't quite see it yet. This feels huge!
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It is huge, and it’s not true that you don’t see it yet. You do see it. You wouldn’t be here, in this class, sending in these responses about what you’re seeing if you didn’t see it. Yes? What hasn’t happened yet is stopping it. That’s okay. Now you know what you’re stopping! Those voices have convinced you that you’re unworthy, and, yes, that’s a lie. What you get to do now—seeing the terrible toll this is taking on your life—is to, ready? Pick up that recorder and get to know the Mentor, the conscious compassionate awareness that can lead you out of this suffering. Recording and Listening is the WAY. It is. Will ego fight that? Of course. That’s how you can know R/L is the way to freedom from ego. Okay? Gassho
Seeing this in reference to job/education; use both in hopes people won't look further and find me lacking. Can see how it interferes with intimacy. Interesting to think of it as a lack of authenticity rather than just a lack. R/L
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Great insight! There’s no lack of anything, is there? What we have is too much of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate! Get down through that layer and what we find is the joy of the Unconditional Love that IS Life. Stated differently, when we “look further” enough we find the Buddha! Gassho
I have noticed that the "performer" seems to appear during times of stress. When I am focused the external she is abandoned and it feels like I am chasing something can never catch. Also there is a strong belief one shouldn't "perform". R/L
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Not able to follow that second sentence, however, the last one is plenty! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has “strong beliefs” that keep us in its dualistic world of suffering. You should/you shouldn’t, you want to/you shouldn’t, you must/you can’t and so on. As you continue to pay attention, you’ll see those opposites popping up everywhere. Sometimes the opposites are given different titles so we don’t recognize the duality. I should be assertive the way you are, but when I do that the voices call me aggressive. It’s a no win game that we stay trapped in until we can step back enough to see if for what it is. You’re stepping back! Gassho
Must be productive, Be the best--"my patients recover quicker when I'm the therapist". I see it when telling people my job title, "PT assistant"----I usually abbreviate and say "physical therapist" to A. Make it easier to explain and B. Avoid egocentrickarmicconditionings beatings for being "just an assistant". It's interesting to witness!!
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And that attitude—it’s interesting to witness—is what will thwart the fiendishly nefarious shenanigans of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. It cannot do what it does when it’s being watched. That’s why distraction is such an issue for conditioned folks. We try to see what’s going on, and the next thing we know we’re looking up the origin of a belief in unicorns on the internet. “It’s interesting to witness” is the path to freedom! Gassho
Seems everything I do goes through filter of “how do I look?” Say something unfortunate, “are they mad at me?” Make a mistake, cover up “evidence.” Even with the mundane, a subtle checking w/ego on how I’m doing. It’s all about “me.” Where does the human get to be alive? R/L
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The human doesn’t get to be alive as long as egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is running the show. That’s what the Buddha meant by working out our own salvation diligently. Diligently is a REALLY important part of that admonition. Not dawdle. Not “do it when you have some extra time.” Diligently. Because the human won’t have any of this lifetime until that happens! Gassho
In career, the drive until recently had been to be seen as successful, as a high producer, efficient and skillful. Now being self employed, much more attentive to self care, and to kindness as the way and the result. R/L Gassho
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Well done! Often, self-employed means working for a true maniac! What I’m projecting you’ve seen is that lovingkindness and care as the process yields lovingkindness and care PLUS efficiency, effectiveness, and productivity as the outcome. True? Gassho
Making presentation to community groups was a part of my job. Preparing did not work so well. I knew the material and cared about my subject. It was better being spontaneous. This is where I found my “performer”. I don’t see it showing up elsewhere. My mind/brain feels muddled, foggy.
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Perhaps the muddled/foggy is because you don’t know and care about your current subject in the way you did with your job? Perhaps knowing and caring about Life, about thisherenow, will enable Life to make a “performer” of you again? Gassho
Egocentrickarmicconditioning self hate telling me what I should want and be and punishing me for not having it and being the wrong person. Result: self centered and critical behavior. Not good if you want to be a good friend. Gassho R/L
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And so good to see, yes? All this focus on how “I/me/my” HAS to be (to be the good, right person, of course) is nothing but critical, judgmental egocentricity. I don’t want to be perfect out of some altruistic love of humankind; I want to be perfect so I’ll be better than everyone else! Oh, doesn’t sound so noble phrased that way, does it? But it’s true! Seeing it, we can begin to step back from it and practice being a good friend—to Life! Gassho
Enneatype 3 is familiar. The process: Ego uses content that is ˜important’--project, relationship, PRACTICE, “You must work hard to be ‘successful’. Success (or failure) defines you/your value.” It’s convincing. Use R/L to remember this process, regardless of content, and there is no I to be defined by achievement.
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Excellent! Your neighbor and I were just discussing the same thing. Your point is essential: The way we’re going to remember how we’re getting bamboozled so we can avoid said bamboozle is R/L. Will we get an argument on that? Sure. But not from anyone doing Recording and Listening practice! Gassho