Performer -- Hard worker whole life! Constant fear of being "found out" as fraud. Funny thing -- the critic is always around and it's not coming from the outside. On recordings, the mentor always exposes the fraud claimed by egocentriccarmicconditioning/selfhate. Because of these recordings, the internal fraud is very small. R/L
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I think what you’re saying is that with the Mentor on your side egocentric karmic conditioning/ self-hate is having less and less influence. Yes? That is the great advantage of combining the practice of awareness with the practice of Recording and Listening. We now have somewhere else to look, “someone” else to look to, and a reliable source of information for our moment-to-moment present pleasure! Gassho
"I" see how hard "I" worked for the letters after my name which were "supposed" to bring "me", "respect", "recognition", "atta boy"? All those quotes are places egocentrickarmic-conditioning/self hate had it's way with this human. "I" felt like a hero! "Noble aspiration!". Later, illness. Huh?? Now, awareness dawns.
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It’s true, isn’t it, that all that “respect and recognition” was going to come your way, but what you didn’t know is that it was all going to go to ego. From ego’s position on that high horse, it could look down on everyone else; you just didn’t realize you would be included in that everyone being looked down on! Now you see it. Now is a marvelous time to give that fine human being all the respect and recognition he deserves, not for what he’s “done,” but for what he is. Gassho
Seeing the Enneagram like this is amazing because I have identified with each drive so far. The drive for external validation (Three) is very relatable. And now I see the belief that “being driven” by something is a good person thing, that it is appropriate and right. R/L
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Hopefully, you’re seeing that belief as bogus and ego-serving? Being driven isn’t even good for beasts of burden! Lots of light being shown into the corners egocentric karmic conditioning/ self-hate has kept us in the dark about, and with that light an increasing ability to choose the authenticity that is ours to choose. Gassho
I often get caught in having to look strong, capable, no muss, no fuss. This stops me from asking for help, receiving help, showing emotions and responding genuinely to people and events. "I" looks like "good, right" person while authentic me is forced to hide. R/L
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If we were religious types, we would frame that as “the devil gets to look like the good/right person, while God is required to take a back seat.” Yowza, huh? If we consider what’s happening from that perspective, we can see there’s actually no such thing as an “authentic me.” There’s Life and there’s egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, a “system” that wants to exist separate from Life. We’re always choosing one or the other. Good to get clear about which we’re choosing, huh? Gassho
Most of my adult life, I was building an image of someone busy, hard-working, productive, and of service. “External expectations” were ego’s since no one else was keeping score. I was often too busy to follow, or even know, my heart’s desire, spiritual practices. Now I can be/do things differently. R/L.
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Yes, that’s our current choice. We can see in what you write the danger we face, if we’re not present and attentive, of giving up our one and only life to an energy-sucking vampire that would take it all. (I sometimes get accused of “extreme language,” but as soon as we see what’s really happening the language doesn’t seem extreme enough!) Giving up “most of my adult life” is more than enough to give to an ego that cares not a whit for you, isn’t it? Gassho
I feel the most 3 when I’m around others who are in 3. I also think my daydreaming machine is a 3 -- when it catches my attention, it’s a lot about being popular, charismatic, attractive. Interestingly, when I’m actually performing on stage, I feel no 3 at all. Gassho R/L
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Ah, that’s an important insight, isn’t it? Now you get to explore what the difference is; what’s happening when you’re with others at 3 or daydreaming that ISN’T happening when you’re actually performing? Watch! Don’t go up into conditioned mind to figure it out, okay? Gassho
It is amazing how closely I have been able relate to each of these three types! It is the inability to find a perfect mate, to round off the picture of being a successful performer that has held me in suffering and ultimately led me to this practice. Gassho R/L
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I know. It is of course NEVER egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s intention, but for a lucky few of us it overplayed its hand and drove us to practice. That’s good, huh? I often encourage people to FIRST wake up and end suffering, and then do whatever Life offers you. It’s rarely taken up. Conditioned humans want to drag ego/karma around until they get worn out. It doesn’t get worn out, but the human does. So we see generation after generation going through the same process! Ah, well, as long as we get here at some point, huh? Gassho
Until recently, couldn’t imagine an occupation other than the profession I was trained in. Gradually, small cracks in that identity appear, light shining through, lots more vitality, curiosity, joy as being expands beyond limited role and risks living with greater dimensionality, exploring new territory. Gassho R/L
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We are lucky! As I was just saying to your neighbor, it doesn’t really matter when the lights start to come on; we’re just grateful that they do! Gassho
Class 3- Eye opening! Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate has kept me to itself all these years telling me "no one would like me let alone love me if they only knew my dirty secrets, my parents-I'm nothing. Appearances are key.'' My only dirty secret is EKC/SH. So freeing! Love to the one hiding. R/L
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Let that person out of the closet! That’s so brilliant: The only dirty secret anyone has is egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, and everyone has the same one! Gassho
Identify less with Type 3. What dropped in is that impossibly high standards and fear of mistakes/failure of the 1 overrode expression of 3 characteristics early on. Can see them in high-achieving teenager who was burnt out within a decade . Having conflict between expectations and hearts desire resonates. R/L
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It gets tricky to parse, doesn’t it? Fortunately, we don’t need to. As we continue to pay attention, Intelligence will drop in the insights we need. You’re closing in on the “expectations/Heart’s desire” conflict. Keep an eye out and more will be revealed. Gassho
Desire for external validation feels familiar, as does working hard, and fear of being a loser. Noticed disapproval of conforming to culture and fear of intimacy - ego thinks it's better than that. Strong relating to all three types! Mentor approves of this human and supports his heart's desires. R/L.
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The Mentor is conscious compassionate awareness, unconditional love and acceptance. Of course the Mentor approves of the human being! The Mentor is able to see authenticity. Better stated, the Mentor is Authenticity. That’s what we’re learning to recognize, right? Gassho
Striving to present the perfect, most put together image of myself, do a great job, life appears to be easy yet I’m empty. I struggle in intimate realtionships, deeply scared of being vulnerable and abandoned for my flaws and yet my lack of vulnerability prevents me from deep connection. R/L
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You got it. And, I’m betting people have left you, not because of your “flaws,” but because you believed egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s stories about your flaws, and people left not able to compete with ego for your attention. Possible? (We can all say yes to that if we’ve paid close enough attention.) Now you’ve seen it. Now you can take steps toward relationships with other human beings rather than with ego. Ego will try to scare you to death in the process, but that’s okay. It’s all part of waking up and choosing Life. And, we’re here to support! Gassho
Just realized how I have always been guided by a 3 conditioning in my search for a mate! Always wanted somebody "cool and alternative" to show off! Also, afraid to be seen as a spinster! Oh my God what a relief to drop this!! R/L
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There’s the cry of a human being waking up—“Oh, thank God, it’s not me!” Spinster? On top of all the other relief, there’s the relief of getting into this century! You know what you’re going to have to deal with now? You are the “cool and alternative” person you’ve been looking for! And you don’t even need to show off! Gassho
I can see how the type 3 confusion with happiness as an external set of circumstances has played out in my life (less now b/c of Practice) in jobs/partners/anything really. It is most helpful to uncover those beliefs and actively shake them up. Gassho R/L
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Uh huh. We can even uncover them and let them go! We’re not required to bother with what we’re not. Now you get to just go on ahead and be happy. Gassho
Another slick con of fake it to you make it and he who dies with the most toys wins. dead, unfulfilled. Who's expectations and whose rules? What resonates is inauthenticity, shame and self betrayal. My heart doesn't have external expectations. Egocentric Karmic conditioning self hate does. Time to wake up.
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NOW is a perfect time to wake up, isn’t it? What you’re pointing out is really important to see: Once we buy in to the game, we stop wondering what the game is or how it got started. We stop questioning the rules. Eventually, we don’t question anything, just let the voices in conditioned mind question us and accept that even when we’re ostensibly winning, we’re losing. We don’t feel the way we should feel with winning/success, but that’s because there’s something wrong with us…. Yep, time to wake up! Gassho
I see how I have gotten talked into needing to look a certain way and to be a certain way and how because I don't meet those standards I stay hidden and ashamed and alone.
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Good! Now you don’t have to do that anymore, and awareness practice will give you the step-by-step “how to” for doing that—or not doing that, as the case may be. It’s all been a lie and you’ve seen through it. Well done! The voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate are going to GO BALLISTIC in their attempt to get you back, hiding out with them. DON’T BELIEVE THEM! Stay with us. Once foot in front of the other. Okay? Gassho
Notice that if there is no ‘audience’, egocentrickarmicconditioning has less energy, releasing this being into the simplicity of living. I’ve realized the impossibility of being fulfilled by the charge ego gets from performing. Also don't want to be controlled by fear. So I speak up, eroding the habit of shrinking.
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Excellent. If you don’t have a Recording and Listening practice, please start one. Having the Mentor to talk things over with gives a beautiful way to replace that old, unhealthy relationship with ego. Gassho
I can get really seduced by sucesss, wrapped in making things beautiful, consise, articulate, expressing myself in the perfect way, and others appreciating me for that. As I practice I see "image" is something I can get lost in over presence" and wellbeing, so I'm practicing. R/L
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Very helpful. There’s nothing “wrong” with “image,” is there? It’s just that anything we choose over presence is going to lead to suffering. Wanting to make things beautiful and perfect can be a lovely wish, and if we let ego get hold of it, suffering will follow. If we realize we are expressions of Life, we will enjoy the beauty and perfection of Life. All praise to Life! It’s not “what,” it’s “how,” right? Gassho
At first, no clarity. Then... a difficult experience this morning, trying to maintain an image in front of other people, trying to hide a sense of shame. And practice really saved me! Listened to recording of "I choose unconditional love" (with gaps), on loop. No room for story. R/L. Gassho
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There’s a marvelous demonstration of practice in action. Because you were paying attention, you saw what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate was doing, what had taken you over. You recognized you were identified with ego, turned attention from that identification to a practice of awareness, and stepped free of suffering. Powerful, huh? Gassho
I was lucky I was able to buy the big expensive house I thought would make me happy, because it allowed me to see that it didn't change anything. Which started my quest that led to practice. So grateful I had that experience early in my life. R/L
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When we’re grateful for where we are, we’re grateful for every step along the path. The voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate are always yammering on about “past mistakes” and “future fears,” but we don’t need to listen because we know each experience in Life is a gift assisting us to awaken and end suffering. A very happy situation! Gassho