Many components here, of how I participate in life. Fear of being shamed, delayed emotions, believe that energy is limited and that needy people or social activities drain it from me. Recently, practiced staying present when conversing with one of said "needy people" & saw that energy did not dissipate. R/L
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Ah ha! Very helpful, yes? The significant aspect is “staying present,” not “needy people.” So now you know you’re at choice when it comes to your life experience. Good to know, huh? Gassho
Five qualities manifest as a respite from the Four storms and the massive sensitivities that overwhelm my life. I do recover at home alone and fill my head with information and experiences that take me away from all that noise. It's like my introvert side, and I guard it selfishly.
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I would ask you to consider that is “your” “ego side,” and it is ego that guards it selfishly. The “your” is in quotes because that process actually has nothing to do with “you.” Keep practicing and you’ll begin to see it. The clue is when we have no choice in a matter. The voices will assure us that, “oh, of course you have a choice,” but when we begin NOT to do what the voices say, we get to see the scam. Gassho
Observer-- very relatable. Have spent a lot of time in isolation to feel safe. Emotions very scary most of life. Observing to gain knowledge and figure life out used a lot of time and space. Still didn't feel safe! Discovered only safety is in living life fully in present moment. R/L
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And that is the truth, isn’t it? Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has all sorts of schemes and scams to keep us busy running scared. Net result is continuing to run scared. Blessedly, we get the information that the only safety exists in thisherenow. Gassho
Chronic illness brought 5 characteristics to the fore. Need for alone time, compartmentalising and belief energy is limited feel very real. Have been looking at this in practice. Can see ego has created a new "me" which is just another identity. Dropping this is the challenge! R/L
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For all of us! Dropping the latest identity ego is creating for us is a challenge for us all. It’s pretty much a full-time job, isn’t it? Fortunately, we don’t need to keep coming up with new solutions for the spiritual opportunity we call ego. The answer is always the same—get HERE. Gassho
Overwhelmed by too much input. Value time alone, can end up isolating. Mood/ energy crash unpredictably so afraid to commit/get involved. Get great ideas, but hard to act. Ha! egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate telling me I won't have energy but isolating/ being stuck cause the crash. Taking action would create energy. R/L
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So true that participating creates energy. Isolating means going off alone with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. It says we’re getting away from all those overwhelming, energy draining people, but actually we’re just holing up with the great energy suck of the universe. As soon as we get into Life, the energy flows. Attention is with Life in thisherenow, and there’s nothing to drain the energy. Energy keeps building, and we have to learn to just sparkle, twinkle, and shine with all the energy coursing through us. Not a bad problem to have! Gassho
Seeing the process of “not safe” which results in withholding, lack of participation in group or work settings. Egocentrickarmicconditioning—self-hate tells karmic story of not being equal to other people. A fear that others will reject me or think less of me if I share or reveal thoughts or emotions or feelings.
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That’s the scam, all right. You’ve caught on to it. Do you see that the “rejection” and “thinking less of” happen only in conditioned mind? That’s the process to watch! Gassho
I see the process of "I'm not that" "oh yes you are." The observer arises when "i" am tired. Noticed and joined daughter rather than watch her play. R/L
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On Project Joy this morning someone was talking about unexpectedly having some “extra time” and watching the voices say, “Lie down; you’re tired.” After lying down a few moments, the clarity dropped in that “I’m not tired,” which was fallowed by the clear guidance to “get up and do what you want to do.” It’s a very familiar bamboozle. The voices day we’re tired, and if we’re not paying close attention we fall for it and behave accordingly. You were present, saw the con, and chose participation. Happy parent, happy child! Gassho
I definitely see a wanting to conserve "my" energy and a belief that engaging with others drains it. I thought that was an introvert thing. Actually, being present, alone or with others, increases energy because conditioning isn't siphoning it away. R/L
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BRILLIANT! There ‘tis in the proverbial nutshell. It isn’t a matter of alone or with others, it’s a matter of presence. Not present alone, not good. Not present with others, not good. Present. All good. Gassho
For many years, limited interaction with people outside of work/spiritual practice. Home life fairly solitary, quiet - no TV, rarely music - and request that of roommate. As part of spiritual practice, deliberately reaching out to people and scheduling social time weekly - enjoying it! R/L
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Here is a clear case of “it’s not what, it’s how.” Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate would convince people that solitary/quiet is the way of spiritual practice. Certainly time in solitude and silence is, but NOT when it’s imposed by ego. You will likely still choose not to have distractions, AND “people” and “distraction” are not synonyms, are they? Gassho
The wallflower: goodness and energy felt inside yet restrained in effort of ˜self-control and acting responsible’. Instead of LIVING LIFE with this energy, ego traps me as the wallflower and I end up watching a movie in my head depicting how awesome it would be to live with this energy! R/L
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Well, you’ve nailed that, haven’t you! Starting to be awesome living in Life with that energy? If people realized how much the world needs Life energy, there’d be no holding back! Gassho
Working with my 5 qualities has been the most transformative. All of these feel “skin,” and there is a layer of conditioning that tells me these qualities are “zen.” It’s been so fun (and ongoing!) to learn to investigate without becoming an investigator in relationship with egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate. Gassho R/L
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Very freeing to go out on our own rather than “investigating” Life under the direction of that bogus “firm” of investigators called Egocentric, Karmic, Conditioning and Self-hate. Hard to conduct a proper investigation when those we’re working for keep planting false evidence and phony clues! Now, instead of investigating Life we’re going to let the attention and awareness that is Life investigate them. Way more fun. Gassho
Fun seeing how all types intertwine. Experiences such as life feeling confusing(6), as there being finite resources I need to protect(5), a right and wrong way to be(1,3) trigger 5-like coping mechanisms. Practicing retreating to Life’s “knowing” and quiet instead of ego’s escape when I feel the voices gearing up.R/L
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It is fun and here’s a suggestion: Rather than retreating to anywhere, just come to presence. With all attention in thisherenow we needn’t do anything. See what I mean? Gassho
Experience of Five characteristics is strong: Need for privacy that can lead to isolation, having very strong feelings and wanting to deal with them when alone, the tendency toward a mental approach and the resulting experience of emotional distance. Finding that opening up to Life is challenging, and heart opening. R/L
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See if this is your actual experience: The challenge is learning to direct attention away from egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Opening up to Life is just heart opening. True? Gassho
This more than others shows me the false separate-self trying to ensure survival, energy, comfort even though it doesn’t exist. I have been in that situation where I want to do something but I simply cannot. My desire is being squashed by something else. Not a shyness but ego’s endurance.
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YES! The “difficulty” is not with Life, with life, with circumstances, or with you. The one and only difficulty ever is the grip egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has on a human being. Shyness. There’s no such thing! People are terrified of what the voices of self-hate will do to them so they hang back and get labeled shy. You’re not shy. Self-hate is hateful. Big difference, isn’t it? Gassho
This is how I use magical thinking to keep safe. I watched myself do it in a social situation and at work. It spun up in another context, and I saw it clearly for what it was (horsepucky) and jumped in rather than wait and gather more information. R/L
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GOOD FOR YOU! Practice in action. That’s the very best, isn’t it? You’ve been paying attention. You see how ego does what it does. You recognize it when it goes into its routine, and you cut it off. Gassho
My job is all “knowledge” and “science”. “I” was early on drawn to science because of its predictability, experimental control. Deep knowledge of the brain would allow me to fix my problems, not needing anyone: WRONG. No peace without surrendering “knowledge”, embracing faith, connection and love. Tears in my eyes.
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Did you see that “WELCOME HOME!” sign? That’s what brought those tears, isn’t it? No peace without surrender…. We can just end that sentence there, can’t we? Well done! Gassho
Noticing “I” immediately looks to conditioned mind for characteristics of a type and does not see any. It is in dropping that “I” and just noticing that I catch the Type Five voice telling me there will soon be alone time. Love catching (and dropping) this pattern. R/L Gassho
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It’s kind of addictive, isn’t it? It’s so much more fun to be present, to see, and to choose. As soon as we realize this is a game and not a contest, we can just relax and enjoy the whole thing. The Intelligence animating clearly wants us to wake up. Must be the case as we’re so obviously “rewarded” by presence! Gassho
Type five shows up as belief in knowledge, predictibility, focus on safety, overly mental approach. I might benefit from delayed emotions and compartmentalization of time commitments! Seeing a similarity between need for safety and perfectionism - it has to be “just right” or else it's not ok, according to conditioning. R/L
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That’s a great catch: a similarity between a need for safety and perfectionism. It makes complete sense: it just doesn’t work, right? What that approach can most effectively accomplish is paralysis! Gassho
Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate really wants me to dismiss observer because I am a doer and survivor to be feel safe. I can get overwhelmed with too much or little information then perhaps triggered and even emotive. Recognizing and getting off the merry go round helps to keep me here today.
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Developing a Recording and Listening practice can assist you to continue to recognize and get off the merry-go-round and, even more significant than that, can assist you to stay present every day. Just a word to the wise. Gassho
"I" holds many delusions held at once:" I" have limited energy," I" am safe when alone", "my" feelings overwhelm. Knowledge creates a protective distance from emotion.. Interesting to then consider Truth. Isolation is just isolation, emotions change like the weather and understanding and knowledge are very different indeed! R/L
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Sorry, hateful conversation in conditioned mind, it seems you’ve been spotted…. Seeing that opens up an entire world, doesn’t it? People trapped in conditioned mind truly believe they are seeing everything as it is. It’s very sad, really. There’s so much judgment in the world, it’s so unnecessary, and so not helpful. We’re all doing the best we can, given the limits we’re currently believing are facts. Gassho
It took extensive exploration to realize that I can seek knowledge to feel safe--in emotionally charged situations. Instead of attending to/expressing feelings, I seek information so I can handle things perfectly (type 1) and help others (type 2) with logistics, while side-stepping everyone’s, and my, strong emotions. R/L.
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Hmm…. Am I correct in the projection that the exploration of “strong emotion” is next on your enlightenment to-do list? Seems the perfect time, doesn’t it? Gassho
Fear that I will not have the time and "space" to myself that I "need" keeps me from being present in what is actually happening in the this-here/now.
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I can’t tell if this is something you’ve become aware of and are working on, or if that’s just a statement of the “facts” you believe. I hope it’s the former because it’s a really bad tradeoff, choosing fear over presence. (It’s not necessary to hyphenate or use slashes with thisherenow. It’s written as one word because it’s one thing.) Gassho
Delayed emotions resonate with me, especially “negative” ones. Anger isn’t registered until later. I fall for pseudo Zen student standard, staying calm, peaceful, equanimous. This gives the impression I’m okay with anything, even abusive behavior. Starting to see past conditioning and acting on authenticity even if its “too late.” R/L
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And of course we know it’s never “too late,” right? We come to and we do what Life guides us to do in the moment of our awakening. Phony calm is actually cold comfort, isn’t it? And, yes, appearing to be all right with abusive behavior in order to placate ego is not something we want to encourage. Gassho
Ego uses the human to compulsively research information that it can use to control her (through fear x causes y stories). With Awareness Practice, am seeing that the “knowledge” keeps ego “safe”, not the human, am building the ability to recognize the compulsion, not act on it, and free her. R/L
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Good job! Those behaviors that “keep ego safe” are only accomplishing that because getting a human being to give all attention to ego keeps ego at the center of the universe. There’s no such thing as safety, of course, but safety is a word conditioned people will buy. That’s solid practice you’re building. Gassho
One of my daily drives is to understand what I experience as chaos in Life; to make “sense” of what doesn’t make sense; to control what I perceive as out of control. As I R/L and read this observation, I realize it is an attempt to manage my feelings. R/L
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Yes! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is controlling you by getting you to focus on behaviors that will “manage” emotions. Tricky, huh? Ego is kind of like a large corporation with various structures, policies, departments, workers, and management, all serving “the boss.” Ego tells people that, “You’re the boss; this is all being done for you,” and nothing could be further from the truth! You’re a sentient being. You’re built to feel. Now you get to be that. Good, huh? Gassho
Used to freak out about people invading my space and then feel guilty. My coach told me that even the Monastery has "boundaries": one can't just drop by anytime. Current work: no guilt and listening deeply inside and outside. Surprised at energy and interest available for other people. R/L
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You know the “freaking out” and “guilt” are the point rather than “boundaries,” yes? We can make any choices we want, but if we freak out/feel guilty when what we choose doesn’t go the way we want, that’s where we want to pay attention. In other words, folks at the Monastery don’t freak out if someone drops by, and then feel guilty afterward. It’s important to see what is content and what is process. And, yes, NO GUILT no matter what! Complete waste of time and energy. Gassho
Story about time energy being limited resources is familiar. Truth dropped in that less energy is required when I flow at Life's pace and release the story that it's too much. Alone can be anything but restful if egocentrickarmiconditioning is with me. Ego is the energy stealer. R/L Gassho
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You got it! “Ego is the energy stealer.” Doesn’t matter where we go or what we do, if ego is getting the attention, energy is being stolen. Participation in Life and presence in participation are the keys to our freedom. Gassho
I can especially identify with having the sense that feelings are messy and best dealt with alone. As a single person, I often feel I’m imposing on others when I let my emotions out or ask for help. Over time, I’m feeling more and more isolated, which isn’t fun. R/L
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Moral of that story? Stop listening to the voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate inside your head. You can see how ego is setting that whole thing up, can’t you? You can only be how you are when you’re alone. If that’s the case and you want to “be how you are,” then alone is what you get. Now, there is the element of conscious, compassionate awareness guiding our actions. If we follow ego’s drama into becoming a puddle of hysterical sobs at every social gathering, the invitations might dry up, right? There’s the marvelous middle way called “authenticity.” Not ego’s definition of Authenticity (sobbing into the soup), but rather being as one is from as close to center as possible. Two-handed recordings are for the “sobbing into the soup” times. Gassho
The process of "thinking things through" creates a hollowness and an illusion of distance from life. It moves me away from emotion and energy in an effort to maintain order and to be smart/stay safe. R/L Gassho
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Yeah, it’s a load of horse pucky, isn’t it? It’s not worth giving up a life for, that’s for sure. It sounds as if you’re ready to grab Life as your dance partner for the next round. True? If sitting out every dance with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate in order to “be smart and stay safe” were working, people would be a lot happier! And, one, two, three, four…. Gassho
Protection of private time resonates. It seems more for the benefits of quiet and peace but at time approaches isolation, seeing no "benefit" in being with others. Who/what would say that? Makes me want to explore and see what else is there! R/L
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Excellent! You know, every abuser is very supportive of their victim isolating. Don’t talk to people. People are dangerous. (As compared to me safely controlling you!) Stay home. (The bruises don’t show that way.) You don’t need other people. (You have me to give you attention, read: slap you around.) It’s true there’s rarely any benefit for ego in being with others, as compared to keeping a person at home alone and isolated. But there’s HUGE benefit for the human being wishing to get out of ego’s tyrannical grip. Gassho
Feel drained from too much input. Strong feelings preferred to be done in private. Seeing: that having emotions is perceived as weakness . Don’t often know what I feel, but know what I think. Hmmm. When in conversation with conditioning, it’s disturbing to be interrupted. When in presence, interruptions aren’t annoying. R/L
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Exactly! You have put your finger squarely on the genesis of the bamboozle! When we’re present nothing is annoying. Feelings are fine. People are fine. Stuff is fine. Everything is fine. When we’re with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, nothing is fine! There we have it! Gassho