CLASS 3 LATE POSTING
With the mentor's support and love I can care for this human, not overworking, not seeking approval, just participation. I experience the Joy love connection and fun of letting life express itself through me. It's divine R/L
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It is. What happens, though, when you’re not availing yourself of the Mentor’s love and support? That’s what we want to explore in a class like this. How do we get fooled, bamboozled, led down the primrose path? Can we see how Enneatype 1 tendencies get us, and how we fall for the Enneatype 2 story or the Enneatype 3 proclivities? It’s glorious when we’re disidentified, AND we want to get a good bead on what keeps us from disidentification. Gassho
Three is like a survivor of someone who is deep inside feeling inadequate (voices: you're late/behind should've/would've/fear of making a mistake/procrastinates/ voices become real!). Physical surroundings/appearance become important. 3 puts high/unreal standards, a set up for frustration for the person who believes she is slow. R/L
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What you describe is a bullying, right? Those voices in the head are constantly haranguing someone who just gets more and more beaten down. Now “you” get to save her, don’t you? You get to step between her and the bully and tell the bully, “Enough.” Then, you get to turn to that abandoned human being and begin to provide an experience of the Unconditional Love and Acceptance that Life is. Yes? That requires “you” to first choose that Unconditional, doesn’t it? Very good. Gassho
I notice a deep shame around being perceived as weird. So I've held back from posting meditations and inspirations on social media. I want to be daring and authentic yet the voices of egocentrickarmicconditioningand self hate tell me to play it safe because I will be ridiculed for expressing spirituality. R/L
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As with pretty much everything we conditioned human beings struggle with, the difficulty you’re dealing with has nothing to do with social media postings or “them,” or ridicule—from “out there.” All that is being done by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate inside your own head. “You” want to be daring and authentic and the voices of ego-identity tell you that’s dangerous. It’s not dangerous IF you no longer care what the voices of self-hate have to say about you or them or that or anything else. The daring and authentic happens when you take back your life from ego. See what I mean? Gassho
When living threeness I built a successful business and supported my large family. The need to succeed drove me to work long hours and, against my nature, become detail oriented. The cost, as always, was my heart and a nagging feeling of distrust. Never actually trusting anybody or anything. R/L
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Great insight. When we can’t trust ourselves how can we trust anyone else? You gave up you to follow what the voices said you “had” to do. Did you “have to” do that? Unlikely. You could have acknowledged that you “wanted” to do what you did because you wanted to have a successful business and support your big family. We make our choices—yes, egged on by the “should” voices of ego—and then those same voices want us to see ourselves as victims for having done what we chose. Know what I mean? The Heart is still right with you, as evidenced by the fact that we’re having this conversation! Nothing lost. Want to choose the Heart now? You get to! Gassho
Resonate with success on the outside and a feeling of unfufillment on the inside. Egocentric karmicconditioning/self-hate pushes in career and home responsibilities to make sure "IT" is on top of it, and hearts deeper desire of relaxing into connection over doing is trumped by this orientation. R/L
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Yes. I just had that conversation with your neighbor. Ego is the master of “do this, do this, do this,” and when we find that “doing this” didn’t get us what ego promised it would get us ego begins the campaign of blaming (us, them, everyone) for how things went and what we did. Time to “have it all.” You have the “outside” success and now you get to add the gratitude that will give you the fulfillment on the “inside.” Gassho
Striving/struggling for validation at work, get it, and not happy. Getting promised, struggled-for thing does not bring happiness! Joy of dream job sacrificed in urgency, stress to “earn” validation. So left joy to go “earn” joy. See egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate’s belief (not mine!) that “I” is bad as hook. R/L
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Exactly! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate bamboozles folks into leaving what they want to “go get” what they want. Not a surprise that the process is not satisfying, is it? But everyone has to find out for themselves! Right? If someone had told you that all the striving/struggling wouldn’t get you what you wanted you’d have written them off as a fool. True? Of course. So, we intelligent types get to go on our there and have our experience and then the practice is to be grateful for what we’ve done, had, and learned and come right on in here to this moment. Doncha think? Gassho
As an music performing artist I've been tormented by egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate's need for more-and-more "success". At times, I haven't followed my heart's desire: creating music joyfully. Blessedly, I have at other times turned attention to Life's voice, dropped ego's chatter, and actually totally been in thisherenow, while performing.
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We find that in the “God is Good” column. All through life we’re having both experiences, ego and authenticity. First one, then the other. Back and forth we go. Eventually we start to catch on to which is which and, for most folks, we s l o w l y begin to choose authenticity over ego. That puts us among a very small, very fortunate few. Yes? Ego will get almost everyone who is born to beat their head against the walls ego is erecting so they can die in bitterness and regret. Time to celebrate our great good fortune! Gassho
Never knew I was such a 3! Not only the need to perform, but always consulting with ego to assess what success in "my culture" looks like (even or especially the culture of Sangha) is deadly combo. So good to see. R/L. Gassho.
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It is so good to see. In practice I suppose the expression would be “seeing is ceasing to believe.” Is what you’re describing a problem? Only if we don’t know it’s happening. When we see the karma and begin to recognize the behaviors we can begin to make different choices. Ah, the beauty and wonder of practicing awareness. Gassho
I need affirmation/approval to feel loved. People love my energy and I am very ego-identified with it. I have been going through a sad/angry/depressed 6 months or so, and feeling like that “zest” is gone there is fear and grief. Difficult to be patient with depressed feelings.
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Well, of course, you don’t need affirmation/approval to feel loved—it just seems that way because you’ve been conditioned to believe that. Egocentric, karmically conditioned people do tend to love egocentric, karmically conditioned people—unless they don’t. Ego is very impatient with depressed feelings, longs for those ego-filled days of “zest,” to be sure. Why? Because that produces the maximum suffering and ego “lives on” suffering. However, you have another possibility: To be with authenticity, the Heart, the actual human being who is sacrificed to the pursuit of ego’s vanity. Know what I mean? Gassho
Saw “external” approval/love etc used to buffer from self-hate. When seem have approval, anesthetized to self-hate. Soon as it seems to not be there (ego assessment of course!) self-hate is brutal. External approval has been like a drug needed to ward off the hate. Seeing = another option available! R/L
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Oh, excellent. What you’re describing is the same as taking drugs to avoid feeling tired. It can work for a while but when it doesn’t, yikes! What ego didn’t count on was you seeing through the scam. “External” approval/love is never going to save us because there’s no such thing as “external.” When we realize that we know where to look. Very good. Gassho
A theme in my life has been that I am “not that-- (pretentious, driven, competitive). It is clear now that it is the same trap; the only one who gets to gloat is ego in either case. Life needs nothing to move against, nor to prove. Gassho
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A variation on that theme is “but I’m not as bad as X” I’m not like “that!” Hmm… why are we talking about it then, huh? It’s so helpful to see the dualistic nature of the bamboozle, isn’t it? It’s presented as “I’ll win if/I’ll lose if” but, as you noted, it’s only ever ego playing the win/lose game and with that game, it’s always winning! Gassho
Approval for the quality of what I do or I am is the approval I enjoy. I want to be considered, non admired. The task I set myself is important to me, not other people's expectations on my image
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Not everything about an Enneatype needs to be seen as a problem or a negative. The point we're exploring is when unconscious beliefs and assumptions--typified in a particular Enneatype--are the cause of suffering. I can enjoy it when things go the way I think they should, or I'm helpful to others in ways that are important to me or I do a job the way I think it should be done. Can I also enjoy what's happening when things DON'T go the way I think they should, or the ways I'm helpful aren't appreciated, or the way I do my job gets criticized. See what I mean? Gassho