CLASS 6 FINAL
Distrust of authority is a karmic trigger to go into conditioned childhood survival mode--be invisible and silent so as not to be a target. This past year, the practice has been to be as grounded and present as humanly possible while standing up and speaking truth to power. R/L Gassho
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Very good. It’s always important for us to remember that the “speaking truth to power” that will serve us first and best is the one in which we take power away from the voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Ego wants us to focus “out there,” on “them.” The longer we practice the more we realize there is no “out there” out there, and there is no “them” that could ever be a fraction of the danger to us that the voices in the head are. Gassho
Awareness practice has uncovered the voices. I can see how ego projects constantly and fills me with fear all the time. The mentor has helped me to trust life, I pick up my recorder listen to life telling me I am unconditionally loved, that there is nothing wrong. R/L
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You got it. That’s the whole story in sentences. It’s wonderful, isn’t it? Gassho
During meditation, I had an intense experience of seeing through the "six" lens. A worse-case-scenario visual/with words came into awareness followed by body sensations that egocentrickarmicconditioning associates with fear. Wow! Fortunately, in this case and thanks to practice, I could let it pass and return to the breath. Gassho. R/L
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THAT is the great gift of practicing awareness! Without the ability to be present as egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate does what it does, we would remain caught in its trap. You’re HERE, it goes into its routine, and you see it, the whole thing played out before your observing eyes. Disidentification is no longer a theory; it’s your reality. Congratulations! Gassho
The six in egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate thrive in the climate now and reinforced by old content. Workshops abound. Helpful to use dharma like R/L to be here. R/L
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We are very fortunate, aren’t we? We have tools that match our era. Hmm… perhaps that’s not a coincidence…. Gassho
Egocentrickarmicconditioing/self-hate NOT relating-HA!!. Staying with it see skeptic is alive & well in continuous scanning from “how can I get hurt.” “Helper” battles with Skeptic and shows up as a couterphobic. So much fear/worry. Practice assists in dropping the “restless imaginings” and replacing with Presence/Mentor. Requires CHOOSING Presence/Mentor. R/L
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It does! We must consciously choose the life we want, or the life we get will be unconsciously chosen for us by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. It’s a split-second-by-split-second process, AND we are fortunate in that as well. Can we imagine getting tired of falling in love, of being filled with gratitude, of living in indescribable beauty? I think not. Gassho
Seeing lots of imagining what could go wrong come up. It obliterates whatever is here, but is often compelling. The Mentor suggests using that fear as a signal to check in with Life. Building the "looking to life" muscle is so much more fun than going with egocenrickarmicconditioning / self-hate. R/L
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Amen to that! Turning to the Joy that IS Life is ever so much more fun than going with the gloom and doom machine that is ego. Ever so much more fun! Gassho
Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self hate projects the imminent threat of disapproval unto most of my interactions with other humans. I hear what they must be thinking about me, but lately I hear another voice. I hear a voice that questions the projections. I can only know what I'm thinking, and I can change that. R/L
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Oh, WELL DONE! You are living the payoff that accompanies awareness practice, aren’t you? No longer trapped by ego, we “get it” that the life we have is a matter of choice. Congratulations! Gassho
This describes me well, although I've been unaware of those characteristics. Recently I've had the experience of practicing being present in more life situations and have noticed times when it does seem that life has provided what was needed in the moment. I need to keep looking. R/L
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Yes, indeed! You’re beginning to have the experience that Life is living you—perfectly—and now you realize you need to continue to seek proof that that is so. Keep up the good work; the proof you seek is awaiting your discovery. Gassho
"I look for the worst and practice has truly helped me see “if that is the worst, then what is the upside?” I have a sense of unease, but I do not believe from loyal skeptic. July retreat and next is September retreat is helping. R/L
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We’re walking a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other Path, aren’t we? We’re not going to be dragged along in spite of ourselves, nor will anything real impede our progress. We get to go at our own pace, making our own choices in each moment. It’s very kind, isn’t it? We are learning to trust that kindness. Or, we could say, Kindness. Gassho
Before sleep, my brain plays "things I need to remember/ that could go wrong". I can see this bamboozle for what it is nowadays - but ego's aversion to authority always seems "reasonable"!
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What authority? Have you ask that pseudo authority projecting itself onto life what precisely it’s talking about? Always require “chapter and verse” from any voice talking inside your head! Oh, and require “credentials,” as well! Gassho
Analysis paralysis presenting with this assignment so for the first time ever I am writing my email response without a rough draft. Wow, it feels good to speak from the heart. The ego voices are going crazy but I am hitting submit! Yahoo...R/L
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F R E E D O M !!! Yes? What you’re getting to see is that those controlling voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate will NEVER give us anything that feels a fraction of the grand that speaking from the heart gives us. The voices are going crazy? All the proof we ever need that we’re following Life’s lead. Well done! Gassho
I am Six when I read, learn and study everything related with a topic of interest. I read a lot of self-help books when a relations broke down 2 years ago. Analysis paralysis-thinking and fear that something wrong will happen if I do the next step in my project. R/L
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You’re seeing a sort of 5-6 combo there, right? Read and study to avoid fear. Are you seeing that the real “something wrong” is fear and analysis paralysis? (The something wrong is in quotes because there’s really no such thing, but fear and paralysis are what we would label “wrong” if we believed in such things!) Truly. What could happen to a person that would be worse than being paralyzed by fear? Hard to imagine, isn’t it? “But you could make a mistake,” the voices shriek. Oh, horrors! A mistake! God help us all! You’re getting on with that project, yes? Gassho
Six’s description barely resonates. The few familiar aspects seemingly arise from other types: analysis paralysis from the perfectionist of the One that I most identify with; distrust of authority from the “I know best” of One/Five/Eight(?) But, "...choosing ego’s promises of safety over what Life is offering?" -bingo! Gassho R/L
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And the looking to conditioned mind for the answer comes from…? Do you see what I’m pointing at? There’s a large hint in what I wrote to your neighbor. Gassho
Analysis paralysis is very familiar to me! But instead of overthinking because I’m skeptical, I do it because I want to make the right/perfect choice in everything from salad dressing to cars to spiritual practices. I sometimes have trouble embracing what life is offering, suspecting I can find better. R/L
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There’s a danger in awareness practice (I had a similar “discussion” with your neighbor) that comes from something we might call “assuming the correctness of assumptions,” or perhaps “I know” for shorthand. We reach the point where we look to our experience of “what I know” (usually “what I’ve seen already”) and assume we’re getting present time insight from Life. I bet you can see the danger in this, yes? We get a “more sophisticated” conditioned mind and run the risk of being satisfied with it. A word to the wise…. Gassho
Yes, yes, yes. Loyal skeptic has kept me in unsupportive relationships/jobs/situations for longer than what Life offered as “consider this option.” Now experimenting with following Life’s proposals and dropping conditioning’s promise of safety. Slowly building trust in recognizing Life, and learning a lot when I fall for conditioning! R/L
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Both excellent pursuits, aren’t they? It’s okay to pick up the pace on that, you know? We don’t want to fall for an ego trap of letting ego decide how quickly we get to build trust in Life. Gassho
My SIX appears in the middle of the night. It wakes me up and terrorizes me with stories about what could/might happen if - or I should’ve done something different when- It catches me in a vulnerable state and knows its chances are slim in the light of day.
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Do you have a Recording and Listening practice? If not, you would be well served to get one going pronto. Make recordings of what is available to you in the light of day, pop in the ear buds to listen through the night, and those horror stories won’t be able to gain access to you. It’s true. Gassho
Loyal Sceptic -- strong karma as phobic, insecure 6. Changed after 60 when mentor assisted in dropping stories around anxiety and insecurity with many aspects of daily life. But still quite strong around talking to strangers. Now we practice presence to thisherenow while listening to strangers in relaxed state. R/L
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It’s a practice, isn’t it? And while it’s true we don’t need to be in a hurry, we don’t want to dawdle either. The old “as if your hair is on fire” perspective. When we find places where the voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate can still torture us, we want to turn the full power of conscious compassionate awareness on those places. Find the roots and pull them out! Gassho
Ego’s safety: “keeping it to ourselves,” analyzing, worrying, thinking till “we” figure it out. What’s really true: I’m safe in this moment, held by Life. Practice dropping the conversation, taking a small step in the direction I’m told I can’t. Another step appears, the conversation less believable, then another step. R/L
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That’s a very helpful insight: Behaviors such as “keeping it to oneself” in order to analyze, worry, and “figure it out” keep ego safe and put a human being in the most unsafe position it’s possible to be in. Seeking safety from a system perfectly willing to destroy one is just plain not smart! Gassho
I see sixness in my constantly feeling unsafe, in my distrust of authority and in my unwillingness to question authority once I accept it. Even in my practice I avoid other zen books or practices because I don’t want to “doubt” what I have found here. R/L
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What we always want to “doubt,” to the point of dismissal, is conditioned mind! If you read books on Zen or practice don’t let egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate interpret them. In any practice we are looking to conscious compassionate awareness and holding everything as a koan, yes? We’re not doing a practice of “believing” here. There is nothing in this practice to believe or disbelieve. We’re learning to pay attention and recognize Life’s guidance. If we’re not doing that, we’re not practicing. See what I mean? Gassho
“Hyper-vigilant” - this phrase resonates with the way I interact with the world. I have OCD which manifests as fear of harm to self and/or others. I am constantly taunted with “what if” voices. “What if.... happens?” The worst possible, most horrific scenarios fill in the blank. Gassho R/L
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Well don’t do that! I can say that with such “authority” (run for cover, everyone) because OCD is one of the many labels egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate happily attached to me. (Mine was the can’t leave the house for fear of having left an appliance on or not having closed or locked the door.) Being subjected to that torture is NOT necessary, AND the tool we have to put paid to it once and for all is Recording and Listening. If you’re “constantly taunted with” hideous what ifs and horrific scenarios, you’re not using the tool! Now, I will stand by that statement (to be constantly taunted is NOT necessary), and I know breaking such a powerful addiction is not easy. Please write to me, if you would like, so we can talk about this. Gassho
Conditioning tells me that shame is the thing to fear most; the thing that could take me down. I tend not to care much what others say about me publicly, but what they may be thinking privately vexes me. Conditioning tells me that invisibility is my best strategy. Gassho
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I wish I could tell from what you’ve written how much you believe that. It’s insane, right? You can see that? What others say about you publicly—which presumably is nothing—is not a problem, but what they’re thinking is. Yowza! Do you get what a perfect vice grip that would have you in? No one has any idea what anyone is thinking, if they’re thinking at all, and so, yeah, the only way to stay safe against an unidentified threat is to, what? Bury oneself in the basement? Ego has scored a mighty coup with this one! You try to stay invisible, and in so doing ego has a perfect “hiding in plain sight” scam going. I so want you to be seeing through this! Gassho
In meditation, in bed find myself working out responses to crazy scenarios posed in head. Belief: life is dangerous; I'm not safe; must be ready for anything. But egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate-driven scenarios not helping prepare; just escalating "but what if"'s. (Not) "Preparing" hides experienced truth: I am safe; Life is compassionate. R/L
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Bingo! That mental process is a complete waste of a life, unless keeping egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate “alive” is our goal. Which it isn’t! I’m guessing you’re putting a big focus on ending those “practices,” starting with meditation and bed? Good! Gassho
Belief: “Hiding/ compliance makes me safe”. Lived small trusting conditioning’s empty promises, and crumbs. Choosing what life is offering more often. See that the authentic human can be trusted. Seeing that hidden agendas belong to conditioning not me. Relationships come and go. No meaning in it. R/L
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Good! Choosing what Life is offering more often is definitely good, and unless you’re still in your teens you might consider moving “more often” to more, then to often, then to usually, then to always-unless-I-suffered-an-unconscious-moment. It’s true that we have “all the time” we need in that where we’re getting to is thisherenow, which only takes a moment. And it’s true that “the person who awakens to Authentic Nature in the morning doesn’t mind dying in the afternoon.” However, we want to get on with getting to that morning of awakening as quickly as possible. Know what I mean? Gassho
Don’t go to the extremes, but phobic six rings true, especially inward distrust and hyper-vigilance because something horrible “I” can’t handle might happen. Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s version of self-confidence often appears as bluster. Can name values, but grounding in beliefs and living from them is not possible when listening to conditioning. R/L
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You make the best argument there is for not listening to egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate! Being what we intuitively “know” is possible for us is definitely NOT available when we’re listening to and believing hateful, ego-serving voices in the head. That’s also a great argument for living in thisherenow, isn’t it? Gassho
A concern that if something is going well the other shoe will drop. The lingering "feeling" that if I worry and stay in my place all will be well. If something goes badly it's because I got too confident. Yes it's codswaddle.
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It is, no doubt. Do you have a Recording and Listening practice? It’s the quickest, easiest, happiest way we’ve discovered for freeing ourselves from that dark, dank prison of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Thisherenow is large, spacious, welcoming, and joyful. It is in every way a much better way to live. Gassho
Process: Ego looks at ‘Ulterior Motives’. People want something from me or are out to get me. Ego never looks at the kindness in others or possibilities that lie outside ‘they want to cheat you/don’t trust anyone!’ Egocentrickarmiconditioningselfhate wants to keep me separated from Life. R/L
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Oh, YES, absolutely! Why? Because egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate wants something from you—it wants your life. It’s out to get you—to drain you of the life force it wants for itself. It wants to cheat you—out of the life that belongs to you. It surely does want to keep you separated from Life, and we can see why, can’t we? It has one focus and one focus only: Get from a human being what it needs to continue to appear to be viable. Start listening to what it’s saying from that perspective, and what’s really happening becomes clear quickly. Gassho