Childhood full of chaos and loss. I learned to suppress my needs, anger, disappointments, sadness with the goal to bring peace. Thought I was to blame for everything. This brought inner resentment and despair. Always afraid to be in contact with emotions for fear of dying of sadness.
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Ready to let that go? I suspect if people were able to die of sadness, most people would be dead already. Childhood IS chaos and loss. Just about everyone has a story about the specifics of the chaos and loss they endured. Those days are over! We’re not children anymore. It never was “our fault.” Yes? Let’s get on with giving the human being a life of expression, excitement, fulfillment, AND peace, shall we? That’s what’s possible for us now. (You do R/L, don’t you?) Gassho
Notice myself going along with other people's agendas and not having preferences to avoid conflict. Confusion about when this is a 9 tendency happening and when I just need to say “Yes!” to life? Feel fear when I imagine potential conflict, then “I” back off from my requests. Gassho. R/L
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I bet you know by now that “feeling fear” means “that’s the direction I’m heading in,” right? It doesn’t matter WHAT we feel fear about; we gotta put paid to fear. Fear is just ego. Ego uses fear to control human beings. If you look closely you’ll see the Yes! that is saying Yes to Life, and the yes that is “I’ll say anything if you just won’t hurt me.” People rarely die of the “conflict” that arises over preferences! A drum I’m going to beat on mercilessly as we explore 9-ness is “what do you mean by conflict?” and “what is so scary about conflict?” Gassho
Could relate to the Nine desire for connection and the tendency to avoid conflict by withdrawing and numbing out. The self-effacing attitude leading to being overlooked by others struck a karmic note as well. This class has been such a splendid opportunity to see we are all ONE. R/L
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Isn’t that the best? We are all ONE. As we get that, about a ton of baggage falls away and much that has tormented us will be seen as ludicrous. Now, let’s get to work on the “withdrawing and numbing out” part of the program, shall we? As ONE, we need everyone to show up and play their part. Without that, our ONE will have some missing pieces and flat spots! Gassho
This quintessential Libra is very familiar with the PeaceMaker. Trying to smooth things over (projecting inadequacy inward and outward) is common. So is On the one hand, on the other hand, a fear of making the wrong choice that leads to procrastination and, again, reinforces belief in inadequacy. Gassho R/L
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One of those “vicious circles” we hear so much about, eh? I feel inadequate, I project inadequacy, I see inadequacy, I feel inadequate. Great image of the “wheel of karma” rolling along the route of suffering. This might be a good time for a process map. See where you want to pull out the karma nippers and start making some jarring holes in karma’s path? Gassho
9s conditioning murmurs, you’re ˜in a state of false spiritual attainment; you choose looking on the ˜bright-side-of-life, avoiding conflict. Hearing this, I breathe; move through conditioning’s illusory/hateful-self, saying, I choose LIFE; Life IS bright! Aha, I did the very process it says I don’t do: moved through it into Presence! R/L
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HA! There we have it! The “conflict” to avoid is the one egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate wants us to live in with it! Well done. Gassho
I see this with my spouse and friends, trying to figure out the response they want rather than expressing what’s true for me. Better to talk to the Mentor for what I need and want rather than trying to artificially win the approval of others. R/L Gassho
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But wait! Is that an assumption that the approval of others would be “won” artificially? How do you know that’s true? Is that a belief that your spouse and friends DON’T WANT you to live authentically? That who and how you are is not of interest to them? That seems worth looking into, don’t you think? Ego would certainly want you to believe that, but Life? Not likely. Gassho
Big theme for me--what do I want? How do I know it's the "right" thing? My focus these days, thanks to Practice daily reminders and support: dropping the conversation and choosing the experience I want to have. Every day I'm gaining more trust that that's the "right" direction. R/L
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Okay, picture this YES is about ten feet tall. Great big giant YES. Drop the conversation, choose the experience you want to have, trust Life. THERE. A complete life plan. EXCELLENT! Gassho
The ultimate shell game: trading aliveness for the illusion of peace. Freedom is walking away from the con, each con another blinder, gag, and hobble. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this moment of freedom. And the next
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Can we get an Amen? Yes, indeed we can! We are reclaiming our lives one precious moment of freedom at a time! Gassho
Old family joke about my Nineness: Having trouble making up your mind? Well, yes and no. Ego says not expressing preferences is admirable nonattachment; now seeing it's actually fear of being blamed for making wrong choices/decisions. Even when peacekeeping succeeds, gets no credit. Waaaah! So unfair! R/L
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Yes, it is so unfair that going through life giving our life to egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate doesn’t give us the life we want. So unfair. NOT! (I’m trusting you’re kidding, right?) That lack of success with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s soul-numbing, energy-sucking methods has DRIVEN us to a choice to practice awareness, wake up and end suffering. Yeeeeeaaaaa! So kind! Gassho
Many aspects resonate with this lens, although it is not a label that I would have chosen to describe myself. Hmm, perhaps all these labels and boxes are hindering my real disidentification/awareness. So grateful for this exploration. Really seeing how we are all types and how stories lead to suffering.
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I suspect you are correct that all these labels and boxes are simply in place to keep us from seeing the obvious truth that we are an expression of All That Is in human form. Every time we step back and get that larger view, we get that much closer to saying adios to egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate once and for all. Such a blessing. Gassho
I'm a Nine. The voices say that the Nine profile is unfairly negative AND proof that I'm weak and inadequate! I ignore them, knowing that I'm more than a Nine,, sharing traits with the other Types
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Very good. In fact, you are NOT a 9. Nine is what you aren’t. The 9 characteristics are simply the karma that masks True Nature in the form we call “you” and “you” call “me.” Good job ignoring the voices; those voices are mean and they lie. We know that; time to stop attending to them. Got an R/L practice? It’s a good thing to have! Gassho
I'm starting a business. Experiencing sleepiness and lack of energy. Reluctant to deviate from traditional norms of my profession. Don't want to speak up from my own point of view. 'Self-forgetting,' yes. Am experiencing this as 'nothing to say,' not anxiety. Want to nap, read, eat candy, feel calm. R/L
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Oh, dear! Very helpful to see these ego maintenance qualities are not helpful to indulge, yes? Do we have to wonder if egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is out to get us? Not reading what you wrote we don’t! I know you’re going up against that “you are getting very sleepy” machine. True? Please say yes, get up, take a brisk walk outside in some fresh air, remember who you are and what you choose for your life, and get on with it! NOW! Gassho
in fear of confrontation, there is no communication. "I" figures out the solution and proceeds. Resulting in a disconnect, lack of integrity and upset. See that a possible confrontation would be preferable versus the results of trying to avoid conflict. R/L
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YES! That’s it! What egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate uses to scare and control us is FAR worse than facing whatever Life brings. Communicate! It is the fastest way to shut down those hateful voices. And, I promise you, everyone who loves you will be way happier to have you communicating from your heart than having you listen to those nasty voices and shutting yourself down! Gassho
Strong desire to avoid confrontation and avoid looking at what is "painful." It is only painful and the peace is only disturbed as a result of listening to conditioned mind. Clearly that is the only problem. Clearly. Gassho R/L
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Clearly. I love it! It really is that clear, isn’t it? Well done! Gassho
Appreciated seeing we are all nine types examples in each enneatype. Re 9: Desire to avoid conflict and keep the peace plays out by not asking for what I need. This is based on the assumption it will make someone else angry. It’s also connected to fear of authority. R/L
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It is actually fear of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. That’s the only thing anybody ever fears. All fear exists in conditioned mind, inside each person’s head. That whole “strategy” is based on hogwash swirling around in conditioned mind. You can see that, right? You, asking for what you want/need, are not going to “make someone else angry.” It will make you angry—which I suspect you’ve noticed. People get angry because people get angry. We can’t control people by listening to controlling voices in our head. That’s child thinking. Fear of authority is nothing more than a fear of being yelled at by a disembodied voice in the head. Again, no one who loves you is going to want you to sacrifice your life in a misguided attempt not to upset them by saying what you want. True! Gassho
Everything is just fine, until it isn't. My sister asks me why I wait until I am furious before I deal with things. Enneagram type 9 egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate looks to be the answer. Lots to see here. Would truly love to be free of this exhausting process.
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And so you shall be! You are practicing awareness. You are paying attention, looking, seeing, realizing, and your “work” will bring you the freedom you seek. Stick with it. Oh, and get an R/L practice. That will speed things up immeasurably. Gassho
I try not to avoid conflict or being in the spotlight. I have a great deal of trouble making decisions; change is not something I invite. Often I've been on auto-pilot to get through tough, stressful times, ignoring my emotions and body sensations. R/L
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Doesn’t work though, does it? You have realized egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s survival plan is for its survival, not yours, and so you, like the rest of us, have been “forced” to seek your salvation through conscious, compassionate awareness. This is a good thing! This will bring you the true peace you long for, AND it will give you a lovely life with you at the same time. It’s SUCH a good thing! Gassho