CLASS 8 FINAL
Wanting/having strength, independence, and non-indebtedness feel like protection/armoring. Difficulty saying no except to social conventions. Attention notices "injustice" generally - especially sadness and intolerance/impatience for cruelty/harm to animals, children - all vulnerable beings. Huge gratitude for practice! Gassho /R/L.
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It’s helpful, isn’t it, to bring conscious awareness to all qualities and characteristics, knowing we can be at choice about their expression. From a place of choice—conscious, compassionate awareness—strength, independence, a lack of debt, and an intention “not to lead a harmful life nor to encourage others to do so” can be part of our endeavor to find “the place that is most compassionate to all.” Those same qualities and characteristics “in the hands of” egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate will only ever perpetuate suffering. Gassho
"Weak is unworthy." Once lived 24/7 in the karmic belief that life was an endurance test to be survived. Slowly, slowly, this karma is being worn away, revealing more and more of the wisdom of the heart and a profoundly deep sense of connection and gratitude. R/L Gassho
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What a lovely articulation of how awareness practice works. It’s a step by conscious step process, isn’t it? As Joko Beck said it, “We don’t let go karma, we wear it out.” As long as it happens, that’s what we’re grateful for! Gassho
I become eightish when I drive. I see bad drivers as bullies who need to be taken down a notch to save the innocent others. I am tempted to do stupid things to make things right. The shell of the car keeps me from intimacy or empathy with others. Gassho
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Driving seems to make a lot of folks eightish, doesn’t it? At least the “decisive leader” part. Not sure how many drivers have as a primary concern saving the innocent from bullies. I hope there’s some of that concern for others involved, and that it’s not just a “survival of the fittest” being played out on the roads. Listening to recordings of how we choose to be can assist us NOT to join the insane fray and add our craziness to the bullying. Gassho
I recognize 8’s unwillingness to admit vulnerability. A defiant, “I can do it by myself/me against the world” attitude. Noticing that authenticity is acknowledging needs. Vulnerability is scary to ego -there’s no place for it to hide. Being vulnerable is actually a tender place. R/L
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Exactly so. Ego wants isolation and separation, not connection. Not sure that authenticity is acknowledging needs as much as that authenticity has no boundaries. Oneness is not made up of me/you, but of we/us. There’s no place for ego in we/us so it erects boundaries. HERE is a very tender place, and in that tender HERE there is no vulnerability. Gassho
The mentor has helped me accept my vulnerability and to show me how to love myself unconditionally. She has helped me to participate and communicate with others openly and wholeheartedly from a place of love and to let go. R/L
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I’m betting part of what you’re seeing is that in Unconditional Love there is no “me” and no “vulnerability.” True? In Unconditional Love there’s just Unconditional Love! From HERE, a synonym for Unconditional, there’s nothing wrong, nothing missing, nothing lacking, nothing left out…. Love and let go. Love and let be. Very good! Gassho
My boss (an 8) seems like an alien to me. But the idea of control certainly rings clear to me. I see in myself certain conditioned behaviors that reflect a desperate grasp to try to maintain (the illusion of) control. It's great to talk about it. R/L. Gassho
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Projection really is one of our most marvelous awareness practice tools. Your 8 boss seems like an alien to you. What are the qualities and characteristics of that alien? Make a comprehensive list. Go into detail. Then “own” those qualities. Yes? There are ways we’re allowed to be and ways we are not allowed to be, but the fact that we’ve been conditioned not to be certain ways does not mean we are not those ways! I know you know what I mean. Repression and expression are not opposites; they’re two ends of a continuum. Gassho
I want to create a Bridgewalk fundraising team, and inviting people feels vulnerable - egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate says "they'll reject you, so don't ask." I'm seeing that it's ego that's rejecting my desire to participate in this way, and it's ego's control I'd preserve by armoring up and staying hidden away with it. R/L
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WELL DONE! That’s the whole deal right there. Substitute anything you want to do that threatens ego for “BridgeWalk fundraising team,” and you can see you’ve cracked the code. You want to participate with Life in some way. “No, no, no,” screams ego. Then the voices follow up with why you should believe and go with ego rather than Life. If that’s what you do, ego wins. Ego controls you and makes you choose it over Life. Great insight! Gassho
Control shows around basic need, food and sleep. Identity thinks about and prepares food, which is a great gift and limiting if not open to the moment and what connection is offering. Sleep, navigating relational habits, needs different, navigating kindness over control, connection over separation. R/L
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Yes, when in the grip of ego’s control, we have no ability to choose kindness or connection. That’s where practice serves us. As we practice presence, we’re more able to be HERE and make the choices that allow us to keep opening to Life connections. Plus, we get to enjoy more those delicious aspects of living called food and sleep! Gassho
Moralistic sparing and anger were the hallmarks of my affective style for many years. My egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate denied any vulnerability. Happy to notice that this happens less these days and remembering that egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate can pull me back there when I indulge the voices. R/L
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Good to remember, too, that we don’t want to “own” egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. It doesn’t belong to us; it’s something that happened to us. And, yes, we must never get lulled into a belief that “those egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate days are behind me.” That day, as far as we can tell, will simply never come! Gassho
I got rejected again, says egocentrickarmicconditioning/self hate. When I buy the story of rejection (or that it's possible), there is brusqueness and tense protection of self. Letting go of the story brings relaxation, ease, and ego's scrambling. Lots of sensations. The exploration continues, gently, with the human. R/L
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Very good! As we get clearer that everyone is sailing their own little ship, we can realize just about nothing anyone else says or does has anything to do with us. Oh, good grief, Toto, we’re not the center of the universe after all! Being able to watch the sensations without believing the stories is just plain fascinating, isn’t it? Gassho
Wish I was an eight! The characteristic I sometimes share is not reaching out to others because I am afraid they don't like me or don't really want to spend time with me. Feel very "weak" lately and like I need to pull myself together before seeking others' company. R/L
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What you need to do (if I may be so bold) is STOP listening to and believing bogus stories spun by hateful voices in conditioned mind! That’s really all you need to do. There’s no “pull myself together” that needs to happen. You’re just fine, and nothing will prove that to you quite as quickly as getting with the Mentor in thisherenow. Okay? I would not lie to you. Gassho
This human hasn't made a new friend in years. My heart longs for connection but ego-as-gatekeeper lets almost no one through. The guaranteed hurt of isolation is preferred to phantom 'unbearable' hurt of rejection. Better still if human despairs in seeing this dynamic, rather than experiencing connection directly in thisherenow. R/L
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Well, you’re putting that in the rear view mirror, aren’t you? What a load of horse pucky! Ego is a really, really bad “friend,” isn’t it? Get rid of it! If you buy granola instead of corn flakes, should the corn flakes feel suicidal? If you prefer a poodle to a Labrador, should all labs fall into a pit of low self-esteem? What the heck are we talking about here? There are 7 billion plus human beings on this planet, and I get talked into staying home with a hateful, nasty voice in the head because all those 7 billion plus people are sure to reject me if I give them the slightest chance! Hogwash! Yes? Get out here and give us a chance to love you! Gassho
Friends flaked on plans, the tattoo appointment got cancelled, so ego says "be annoyed...they're so unreliable...you can't trust...be disappointed...this will ruin your day." If I'd anticipated/controlled better, somehow, egocentrickarmicconditioning tells me I'd never be disappointed.
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Yeah, well it’s a lying sack of crapola, isn’t it? That’s why we don’t want to be in relationship with it! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s strategy for assisting a person “never to be disappointed” is to keep that person in a constant state of disappointment. That’s what it’s trying to do to you, right? Good catch. Do you have an R/L practice? The Mentor is a way better choice for internal conversation than is that nasty voice in the head. Gassho
Ego said I can’t be 8, this is personality type that really bothers me in others. Looking can see own karma of need to control situations/resources/others and trouble ego has with people in power who it does not trust. Wow leads me to question process of deciding ‘I’ don’t like someone.R/L
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Well, now, that just seems downright intelligent, doesn’t it? Questioning the conversation in the head that one has been programmed to look to for information is a very wise thing to do. The other very wise thing to do is to become adept at recognizing and learning to own projections. It’s a wide-open path to freedom! Gassho
I experience difficulty being vulnerable. Conditioning gets me to look around the discomfort by talking me into self-improvement. Whatever needs or challenges I’m having are still there, but in theory will be gone shortly! Seems only presence can meet needs, express vulnerability, self-improvement is the proverbial dog-chasing-tail run around. R/L
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Oh, what a perfect image for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s self-improvement hoaxes—a dog chasing its tail. That’s it. Lots of movement going nowhere. Thank you for that. Gassho
So hard to acknowledge vulnerability. Defensive instead. Ego makes it all or nothing. Self- reliant or submissive. Looking to Life opens a middle way that's far safer and wider than what conditioning presents. R/L
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Uh huh! It’s so hard for ego to acknowledge vulnerability, and “coincidentally” only ego “feels” it. Does ego really feel vulnerability? Sort of but not really. Ego is an illusion. Its focus is to get the attention it needs to appear real. It has a long list of “Oh, no, you can’t go there/do that” items for us to avoid. With awareness practice, we realize those are the very places we want to charge into, dismantle completely, and sift through with that proverbial fine-tooth comb. We could think of it as road clearing, opening up that safe, wide Middle Way. Gassho