CLASS 9 FINAL
I definitely avoid confronting what is arising to be addressed. One way is the habit of reading novels and eating junk food every evening to avoid feelings. Change in behavior: Conversing with the Mentor about what the heart wants and would be authentic self-care instead of following habit. R/L
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Well done! That’s what we call “practice in action,” isn’t it? Our other applicable New Zen saying is “there’s no change in consciousness without a change in behavior.” We have an insight. We see the process that’s causing us to suffer. We see the behavior change that will enable us to keep that clarity in the front of conscious awareness. We do that thing! Voila! Gassho
Noticing this week how "I" repressed feelings to keep the peace during family crisis. Allowing the human to have energy/anger seems to open a space for others to speak more freely, too. Something gets released and energy shifts. Laughter follows. The human experiences deeper peace by going through the darkness. R/L
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The only reasonable response to that is, “Amen!” Yes? We experience deeper peace by going through the fear than by trying to avoid it. In fact, avoiding doesn’t produce peace at all, does it? We attempt to keep egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate at bay by appeasing it and all we’re doing is feeding it! Great job! Gassho
New opportunities with work and relationships; human gets excited, and attention goes to existing relationships/responsibilities that fill up day, no time for New/Change. Frustration with egocentrickarmicconditoning/selfhate directing attention to what it knows, and R/L whats working; seems slippery, it does expand awareness and human feels stuck. R/L
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Actually, the human is being ignored as ego engages in a conversation with ego about slippery and stuck. You know what to do, that’s obvious. Continue to direct attention to thisherenow—using those R/L skills—every time egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate tries to drag you back to what it “knows.” It’s a process. It’s a practice. You’re getting to see how ego gets maintained. That’s important to see. You don’t want there to be bamboozles you’re not aware of! You see what it’s doing and you turn attention to thisherenow. No stuck in sight! As we like to say, “get out of the conversation in the head and all problems dissolve.” Gassho
Trouble with decisions? Check. And seeing that, it becomes easier to just make a decision and go with that, with no review afterward. And important things left until the end of the day? Check. And now I recommit to that critical body care in the morning. R/L. Gassho
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There we have it! This is waking up and ending suffering, not an ego designed right/wrong contest we get to lose. Get bamboozled? Check. See the bamboozle? Check. Make new bamboozle-thwarting commitment? Check. More able to stay present and sidestep the bamboozle? Check. Well done. Gassho
I notice an energy to move away from conflict in marriage rather than trust our resilience and tolerate paradoxes. Peacemaker is a friend as much as conflict is. R/L
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Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate loves to frame interactions as conflicts. You’re talking about a marriage here! If there’s any relationship that gives us an opportunity to learn to “get on the same side” with another human being, it’s a committed relationship such as marriage. True? Presumably, we love this person we’ve committed our life to. We want to “know” them and have them know us. We’re not enemies. There isn’t one right way for a human being to be, and we need to figure out which one of us that is! This can be the most marvelous opportunity to employ our facilitation skills of reflecting, drawing out, and clarifying. I want to understand you, not try to make you wrong! Yes? This is our best opportunity to throw ego out of the relationship and learn to choose Unconditional Love. Gassho
Seeing the 9 process:: ego can talk this human in a “one-down” status and not speak it’s mind when interacting with those in “one-up” positions. Watching the process of the desire to speak up drop in but egocentrickarmicconditioning-self hate quickly step in a silence this human. Ego says don't make mistake.
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As if we could make a bigger mistake than following the directions of ego! Here’s another example of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s “framing.” People are one up or one down. One needs to speak up or say nothing. How about just communication?! How about just speaking? What are we taking from this? Listening to and believing a conversation that ego is carrying on in conditioned mind is never going to be wise or happy. Alternative? Get a conversation going with the Mentor via R/L—both wise AND happy! Gassho
It was great reading the description of nines because I can see that in the past, I really resonated with nines much more, ;avoid conflict like the plague, shut down and hope it all goes away. Through practice and mentoring I am encouraged to be myself, my fantastic beautiful self! R/L
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A grand and glorious human being, a unique expression of Life in each moment. Way better choice, isn’t it? Congratulations. Gassho
My behavior typically is not harmonious but egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate often suggests this approach as a “should-hood” with practice, shutting down presence. It also appears when anxious as a way to “soothe” myself (preventing me from addressing the often irrational source of the anxiety). R/L
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Well, that’s good to see and see through, isn’t it? You have an R/L practice so you have an already established practice that actually does soothe the human being by turning attention away from the anxiety-producing conversation in the head and bringing attention to the body, to the breathe, to thisherenow. True? With such clarity about the process ego is using against you to maintain itself, you’re well prepared to make a conscious choice for presence. This is very good, isn’t it? PS You might have noticed that I removed the capital letters from egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Capitalizing the words that represent that hateful process gives them a power we really don’t want them to have.) Gassho
I'm seeing that conditioning uses the goal of "my peace of mind" to keep me focused on there being too much to do (as in I shouldn't commit). In presence, I find balance participating in life including taking care of myself. I've seen so much in this class! Gassho. R/L
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Oh, good. When we’re present, there’s always time for everything, isn’t there? And the human being is never excluded from thisherenow. Congratulations. Gassho
Numbing out and procrastination get labeled "bad", and then it's the battering cycle. Ego's story that being present is painful is compelling. Dropping that, I discovered the pain passed and it wasn't as bad as egocentrickarmicconditioning/self hate said it would be. I will keep looking. Grateful to practice! R/L
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Me too! The only thing that might qualify as “bad” is ego’s stories and advice. The present that egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate paints as “painful” is not the Present we’re talking about in awareness practice. Being “present” to ego’s imaginary world of something wrong/not enough is miserable! That’s not even remotely like being present in/with Life in the moment. Yes, keep noticing and all will become clearer and clearer. Good job! Gassho
Feeling overlooked/I don’t matter is a deeply held belief, seems to hold together the 9 identity for me. When identified with egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate, getting close to that belief feels terrifying and threatening. This unexamined belief, and pain associated with believing it, is being used to keep me under control! Thank you! R/L
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Yes, indeed, it is, and you have seen through it, haven’t you? Congratulations! Now you get to grab that recorder, hold the Mentor’s hand, and walk right straight through that pack of lies! You are officially “out of control.” Feels great, doesn’t it? Gassho
“Avoid conflict at all costs” is something I absolutely identify with. It has left the human in places of suffering, convinced that I can handle my suffering more than I can handle others suffering. It has been the greatest practice to recognize compassionate action is compassionate to ALL. R/L
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Beautifully stated. “Compassionate action is compassionate to ALL.” Ego is so successful because it keeps its “host” separate and out of the mix. You need to suffer rather than having other people suffer (assuming they would, which is a major assumption) because you can handle suffering better than others can. What a load of hogwash, huh? How about we’re all equal to our lives, and we all get embraced in compassion? Well, that’s lovely. That’s as it should be and could be, but there’s no place for ego in that equation. So, the big kibosh on that! You get to be left out of compassion and relegated to the suffer role for no reason other than ego gets to feed off of you! Way past enough—yes? Gassho
Repeating familiar “solutions”: if doing A doesn’t work, do A harder! Biggest is surrendering my life, needs to “avoid” conflict with egocentrickkarmicconditioning/self-hate: just do what voices say so they stop for a little bit. Repeat. Time to risk them screaming while doing something kind for human. Harmony comes from Life. R/L
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BRILLIANT! That’s where we can all see our 9-ishness! Okay, okay, I’ll just do what the voices say so they’ll maybe shut up and leave me alone for a while. There’s the “conflict” people are attempting to avoid—it’s not with other people, it’s with the voices of self-hate. Which brings us to the best part of all: It’s time to let the voices scream while we do something kind for the human. Yes, indeed. “Harmony comes from Life,” not from futile negotiations with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Amen to that! Gassho
My husband and I loaned our daughter and her then-husband money to purchase a house. They had one child and have divorced. Our daughter repays on her portion of the loan, our ex-son-in-law does not. Voices say “Keep the peace for your grand-daughter’s sake, avoid a confrontation”. Anger, resentment result.R/L
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Ah, those voices doing their dirty work! “Keeping the peace” means saying nothing and growing anger and resentment. That’ll go well, right? NOT! “We hate your father, which you know, but we’ll never say why, so isn’t this peaceful?” Yikes, huh? A person can be required to pay a loan in a very peaceful manner! Might be time to read a little Gandhi. He managed to bring the most powerful empire on earth to its knees—peacefully. Gassho
I see a very strong avoidance of feelings of tension from conflict and decision making. So instead of moving forward, conflicts stay unresolved and decisions don't get made. So although there is 'peace' from strong emotions in the moment, there is no long term resolution. R/L
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Now we have “peace” defined as “no strong emotion.” Is that what peace is? Are Italians forever doomed never to feel peace because they’re so passionately emotive? Might we assume the Stoics were the most peaceful folks of all? You can tell I really want you to explore what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has convinced you is the life experience you’re seeking, right? I suspect the peace you’re looking for is not going to be found through stuffing emotions, don’t you? It’s going to be exciting and illuminating. I promise. Gassho
Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate identifies 9 as a perfect fit. Awareness practice has encouraged a break out so I joined a contentious PTA (baby steps). While someone is still striving for peace, it's great to see egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate squirm. Shines a light on all experience is ok. R/L
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It’s doubtful that’s a “someone” striving for peace. More likely it’s that squirming ego claiming to want peace while “striving” for the opposite. Here can be a fun place to look: Is what’s claiming to be striving for peace focused on peace or on the lack of peace? And, as with your neighbor, I hope you identify clearly just what “peace” means to you. If the definition leaves you less than fully ALIVE, please keep looking! Gassho
Yes, egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate often starts with a 9 stance, and then quickly comes in with a 1. Like a tag team. "Oh, you don't care, best stay out of it," then "they'll do it wrong; it's got to be this way." Tug-of-war for attention. R/L
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Oh, marvelous catch! This is how we can use all these karmic orientations for greater clarity rather than greater suffering. Who knows how many more karmic tendencies are on the tug-of-war team, huh?
As an 8, I first thought nothing here for me. But now I see that often when I want/need to ask for something, when I’m uncomfortable about something--Actually, it’s when egocentric-karmicconditioning/self-hate says something is wrong with me or them, I try to avoid talking or asking. R/L
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Good to keep paying attention when the voices offer their “perspective,” isn’t it? How often are we not paying attention and then bamboozled by ego’s quick assessment? Who knows, as you go along, you may choose not to identify yourself as any particular Enneatype, but, instead, seeing how you’re all types and more, just give up identifying with ego at all. Let’s do that, shall we? Gassho
Spent much of life seemingly invisible; an ego stance of staying safe and avoiding conflict. Through practice, R/L, discovered authentic expression of life. Now, never feel alone, heart is full, and unconditional love. Still on the quiet side and discovered that twinkling is nice way to go through life! R/L
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What an excellent point! Some people just like to be on the quiet side. It’s not like our only two choices are being stifled by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate or having a song and dance career on Broadway. Life will live each one of us perfectly, as soon as we let it. How do we know when that’s happening? We can’t be sure of course, but a heart that feels full of unconditional love could be a powerful clue, huh? Gassho
I've been noticing this arising in scheduling dates - I need to go along with whatever others want/request, whether or not it works for me. I'm seeing how I'm being talked into abandoning myself to find someone "out there" who will love me and never abandon me. R/L
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That’s so big to see, isn’t it? There’s a lot of evidence that finding that “someone” (we call it conscious, compassionate awareness) that loves us unconditionally and will never abandon us inside us increases exponentially our chances of having that experience in this very lifetime. You get that now, don’t you? Now you know where you’re looking. That’s so good. Gassho
Interesting to see how many things I'd never do alone (like bingewatching tv series or drinking beers throughout the afternoon), I end up doing in company, bamboozled into seeking a sense of communion. Glad I am training to be present with people! (The famous people meditation). R/L
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What a powerful insight. The fact that other people are involved doesn’t make all behaviors good for us, does it? We all know “drinking alone” is not a good thing to do, but that doesn’t mean getting falling down drunk with other people is the way to go! Oh, those evil voices in the head are tricksters as well as evil. “People meditation” is just about the most challenging AND can be mighty supportive. Thank you for that. Gassho
Anger is suppressed until it hardens into resentment. "any disturbance in me is my job to manage" is the belief, so I twist the serenity prayer around onto myself "change me" I say until it erupts or squeezes out unskillfully.
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I bet by now you know I’m going to HIGHLY recommend that you establish a relationship with the Mentor through Recording and Listening practice. You just simply don’t need to let egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate torture you like that. It’s unnecessary and doesn’t lead to anything but suffering. If you’re not sure how to get going with that—and would like to—call in to Open Air and we can talk about it. Gassho
See how when w/Life I move towards positive 9-attritubes and when with egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate move towards its difficulties - feeling like life’s too hard, struggling through transitions/change, numbing out, saving essentials till late. Have intuition I have a lot to gain from looking at this pattern, will continue to R/L about it. R/L
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Oh, yes, you are absolutely correct. You have EVERYTHING to gain from continuing to see how egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is manipulating and controlling you. Everything to gain and only suffering to lose. R/L is the key to your success. And Sangha. Stick with us as you continue the exploration—and then just stick with us! No reason to leave us just because you end suffering! Gassho
Avoidance, passive aggressive-> no resolution. Belief: If I ignore it, it will go away ( so I can numb out again). Seeing that pausing and staying with discomfort, lets it pass and opens the door for Life to bring a very different outcome. R/L
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Isn’t that a gorgeous thing to see and experience? If someone had a sore tooth and the voices were saying, “Don’t go to the dentist; that will be really painful,” we would be able to quickly see that those voices were setting up way more suffering than that trip to the dentist would ever be painful. That is EXACTLY what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is doing with the “ignore it and it will go away” strategy. NO, it won’t! Face it and it will go away! Well done! Gassho
Seeing the ‘I’ who doesn’t want to be a nuisance and that it’s ego’s projection on to others. Left with a life of anxiety and separation, afraid to say what I think in case it causes conflict . Being cheerful and smoothing everything over is not being here. R/L Gassho
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You are so very correct. In fact, that’s how egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate makes sure a person isn’t HERE. Now that you’ve seen so clearly that “I” is ego and not you, you can begin to let Life guide you in your words and actions HERE. This is very good, isn’t it? It’s kind and caring and leads us to the life we want for ourselves and with others. Gassho
Self-forgetting! Laziness regarding my own priorities! Oh boy, that nails a karmic pattern that causes great suffering, from postponing practice to eating foods that I know don’t suit this body. Practicing finding a middle way of compassion for all as I anticipate time with others. Gassho R/L
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Practicing compassion. That’s it, isn’t it? We don’t have to change anything or fix ourselves or make wild promises of future perfection. We’re just right here, right now, practicing compassion. Feeling that compassion is a very fast trip past “self-forgetting.” When compassion is what we are and what we get, we want to be HERE for it. Gassho
Grateful to see in another way how the knee jerk reaction to turn to the conditioned behavior to drop the need of this person for the sake of "keeping the peace" has been a major energy source for ego. Ready to let go! Gassho. R/L
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Ready to have that energy back for you? Maybe some laughing, singing, dancing in your “really soon”? We’ve given our precious life force away to ego for plenty long enough. Not “too long,” because this is how long it has taken us to see what will set us free. But it’s been long enough and now we’re ready to say “YES” to Life and know we have all the energy we need for whatever Life is bringing us. Yippee, huh? Gassho