Practice Corner

When I got an invitation to write an article about Recording and Listening I immediately heard a resounding No! "I" am not a writer, and, more important, my relationship with my recorder is what I would call on-again, off-again to the point where I had to look around to see where I had last left it. But one of the many things I have heard a lot in Practice is that often “No” is an ego response to life's “Yes,” so after a while it occurred to me that I could use this as an invitation to pick up the recorder and see what happened. 
 
A lot happened...
 
When I did my very first retreat with Sangha and was introduced to R/L I used the recorder regularly. Over the years, participating in every R/L workshop, I would pick it back up for a while and then that effort would slowly lose steam again. I often picked it up when I had some difficult life circumstances and needed a place to vent and/or be heard, but it never became a solid, regular part of my practice.
 
So when I picked up the recorder again for the purposes of this article and talked about the resistance I was encountering, it became clear that I initially thought R/L would be the magic bullet that would put an end to the reign of the ego voices. Every spiritual endeavor I have ever been involved in has at its core my hope that magically I would be free of ego and the suffering that came with it, whether with the help of a guru or a recording device, so I would not have to grow up. This always ended up being a disappointment, which is great for ego.
 
This insight did not come from me. This insight came out of talking into the recorder, being listened to and then inviting the Love, Wisdom and Compassion we call the Mentor to respond. I clearly saw that I cannot have imaginary conversations with the Mentor in my head and hope that anything new will come of it. The surest way (that I know of) to get out of the mind and drop into a place where new insights are possible is to pick up the recorder and get out of the way.
 
I am newly motivated to spend more time with my friend the recorder and use it in all the different ways it can be used. R/L is not the magic bullet the way I/ego wanted (what a setup), but if I want a felt experience of unconditional love and acceptance, if I want to take the dive into what is as yet unknown and waiting to be discovered in me, this is my best opportunity. No wonder there is so much resistance from ego!
 
And, of course, none of this would have been revealed if I hadn't been encouraged to say Yes when I hear No.
 
Gasshō
Helga