Practice Corner

Looking for something in my Practice to write about, I first went on the search with ego and found myself stuck. Nope, nothing there, nothing happening, it said. “Is that so?” I have learned to ask, and it dropped in to look instead at what part of my day was not affected by Practice. Were there any times I was not living a change that had happened through this Practice? A moment in the day when it was completely lost to me, forgotten? Was there ever a time when it didn’t occur to me to reach for a Practice tool, and if I didn’t, to notice that I was not? 
 
A quick look revealed an emphatic no!  Practice had lodged itself solidly in my life, and I had to only open my eyes and see the moment-by-moment beautiful thread that it weaved through my day, starting with my first conscious thought in the morning. First thing in the morning, if I have not already pressed “play” on my recorder, I will ask myself, “What am I listening to right now?” These days, I go around in astonishment at how beautiful everything is and wonder whether spring has always been this glorious or if my “noticing” senses sharpened? I’m pretty sure the latter! And to top that: I’m able to be in that delight without pressure to do anything. I know it’s enough just to enjoy it. In fact, it’s everything.
 
I see myself doing things in my life that I had whined about not being able to do, simple things, yet things that had always felt cut off to me, like trying new recipes and planting flowers. I have never, ever been able to practice such good self-care as I am now: eating well, with a strength training routine in place. (Who cares if I don’t feel like it? Overwhelming sugar craving? Time to get with the Mentor!) I don’t get depressed anymore. I used to often, and it might still get me, but I move out of it quickly. If I sense I’m heading in that direction, I might remember my practice commitment to dance for ten minutes. I will do it and get elated instead. 
 
Here’s a big one: There’s open space in my day—a minute to a few hours—where conditioning used to be able to get its icy grip around my neck with, there’s a right thing to do and you better figure out what it is! I don’t listen to that anymore! Instead, without thinking about it, I allow some space to let something drop in, and it usually does. If not, I might wander around a bit and remember, the only “right” thing to do is to be HERE, and to be kind. 
 
Yesterday I had a miserable drive with my surly teenager and was plunged right back into merciless self-hate and felt as if I had never done Practice in my life. But even then, a part of me was just enough outside of the mess to be aware that I was the Awareness watching this ego process. Sure enough, it loosened its grip by the end of the drive, and I was marveling at trees an hour later.
 
We practice so that Practice is there when we need it. I am grateful for a Practice that is so solidly lodged in my life. My sister goes into the hospital for a stem cell transplant next month. My wife is up against a frightening new cancer diagnosis. I will be leaning heavily into this life-saving Practice and ever-present Sangha the next few months. Let the takeover continue!
 
In deep gratitude and gasshō,
 
Emily B.