“Since practice I’ve become someone I like.”
“Have you become someone you like, or do you see who you truly are?”
“Yes, the latter. What told me I was unlikeable is gone.”
“So, without the voices telling you there’s something wrong with you, you’ve realized there isn’t anything wrong with you.”
“In fact, without the voices I can see that what I am is a good person.”
As long as we’re in relationship with the voices, nothing we do “counts.” No matter what we do, the behaviors are compared to an imaginary “way I really am” and are used as proof that I am what self-hate says I am.
I work hard, I’m kind to those around me, I even volunteer to assist those less fortunate, but the voices quickly point out that I’m pretending to be a good person. I’m faking kindness and concern, while deep down I’m selfish and judgmental—not to mention lazy, incompetent, greedy, and hateful.
How does self-hate come up with all that? It’s projecting. It says I am what it is.
And just in case that doesn’t do the trick, self-hate says that the fact that I “have” self-hate is proof there’s something wrong with me!
Fortunately, we have available to us a quick trip out of that misery-producing cycle of self-hate. We can ask someone who loves us to tell us how they see us. How are you perceived by someone who knows you well and loves you? Here’s an example: http://vimeo.com/66058153. Listen carefully. Write down the responses. Repeat this process until you’ve heard from several people who love you.
People who love you can see you clearly, something the part of you who is conditioned to listen to and believe the voices of self-hate can never do. Of course, the voices will attempt to convince you that “those people don’t really know you,” but that’s a lie. People on the “outside,” free of the influence of self-hating voices, can see how we are.
Replace all those “the way I really am” messages with information about you that’s true and then listen to the recordings until you can no longer be fooled by self-hate’s lies.
In gasshÅ,
Cheri