Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver
That line from Mary Oliver has been a koan for me for decades. A call to a way of living…differently. Perhaps even — as the Guide keeps suggesting is possible — really happy. In 2023, I traveled 3,000 miles across the country to Sequim with an intention of deepening my practice for a period of time. I eventually realized my heart was calling me to stay, as a 25-year relationship ended and most everything about my life changed. It is a wild, intense, often challenging time as the voices try to work up a fever pitch. How dare you change your entire life to practice being…happy??! Crazy, irresponsible, selfish — and by the way it’s not working anyway, they yell, doing their utmost to convince me I’ll never be happy.
And yet, here I am. Living in one of the most beautiful, indeed magical places I have ever encountered, held by strong mountains, cradled by the sea, walking among deer, ravens, and bald eagles, breathing in clean, fresh air. The untamed, natural beauty here reminds me daily of the wildness and beauty within, this soul that I am making a stand for.
Some days, sort of humorously, a line from the musical Hamilton drops in: “I am not throwing away my shot.” Perhaps a strange way to talk about the spiritual journey, and yet, that’s often my sense of it. Like that beautiful story of the blind turtle inexplicably coming up through that one golden ring in the middle of the ocean — what a precious, sacred, miraculous opportunity that somehow I am here, in this lifetime. A lifetime where I know that Practice exists and I know how to do it. I have an opportunity to wake up, to end suffering, to be the happiness that is Authentic Nature. I don’t want to miss it.
There’s a growing understanding that if I really want to become fluent in happy, in love in action, immersion practice is incredibly supportive. So I am here, immersing myself in this growing, vibrant Sangha community of practitioners in Sequim. Here, instead of getting lost in noise, distractions, and other priorities, the deepest desire of the heart is strengthened and nurtured. À la the money class, I practice with the inquiry: how can I earn a living and keep a schedule flexible enough to be available to practice? To help steward our Four Acre Zen Center, to show up for however this node of intelligence might assist the small group of folks who work with astounding heart and diligence to ensure Practice is available and going strong for all those practicing now, and all those who will come in search of this gift. Precious practice opportunities abound: participating in a Sequim bridge walk, weekly meditation groups, the wild, unbridled Practice joy ride of Summer of Sangha, working meditation with the Guide. Life is modeled here so beautifully in how the Guide considers everything with care. How will projects, events and all else unfold? Life will guide, and there will be a lot of invitations to enjoyment!
And so, even though, as my tattered copy of another Mary Oliver favorite so aptly describes, the voices keep on shouting their bad advice, the truth is many days I realize I’ve never felt so alive. Is it challenging? Incredibly so. Worth it? Absolutely. There’s a flowering of something deep in the soul, and more than a passing acquaintance with an experience of happiness. Often, I arrive home, wonderfully used up after participating in this life in love-in-action land, awestruck by a luminous moon shimmering in its myriad phases above the mountains, the sunset colors glowing with more vibrancy than anyplace I’ve ever seen. I can sympathize with St. Francis:
Such love does
the sky now pour,
that whenever I stand in a field,
I have to wring out the light
when I get
home.
Gasshō
j yo
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