It has been a topsy-turvy relationship with Recording and Listening. It was not a “love at first sight” experience when introduced to R/L, and, of course, ego will create huge resistance around anything that will support the human in ending suffering and living in Unconditional Love. “Never giving up” is a principle that has supported me in not quitting at life or leaving practice. So, while topsy-turvy isn’t pleasant, it’s not a problem.
Recording and listening, like meditation, is an investment in the human incarnation. If I am operating from the karma of self-hate, any invitation to spend time with myself will feel awful because who I am actually spending time with is ego. I’ve been lured by ego’s use of magical thinking around R/L with suggestions that, at some point, Recording and Listening will just happen; it will be easy and feel good. I’ve been practicing long enough to sense that this is ego, and yet I couldn’t or wouldn’t “just do it.”
Then, something happened. Something really hard. Something that the saying, “These are the times we practice for,” is applicable. I asked for guidance, which was incredibly terrifying to ego. Given the amount of pain, plus the sincerity of the heart and the years of practice, willingness was just there and ego’s discomfort tactics didn’t win. The sincerity of the heart won. Guidance was received and I leaned on Recording and Listening in a way I never had before.
I went out on very long walks, with my incredibly eager dog. I had sunglasses on, earbuds in and just R/L continuously. There can be tears, sobs, pausing to sit and breathe, intense expressions, identifications, all of it. It’s like I’m in my own world and everything else is shut out. Even ego. And what I mean by that is that even when ego is present, it’s different because the focus is on the heart and allowing this human, finally, to be heard. Ego is then outed because what is being practiced is Recording (expressing) and Listening (attunement). I did this over and over and over and over again.
These were like the best therapy sessions between me and Life. I experienced the most powerful and compassionate witnessing to date. In these practices, I get to experience that:
- Emotions won’t kill me.
- Acknowledgment of emotions won’t kill me.
- Expression of emotions won’t kill me.
- On the other side and within it all there is relief.
- Practicing in this way IS love, creates safety, builds trust and saves this human.
- I (this human) am worth saving.
Love at first sight is not required to find Unconditional Love. Staying the course is. That principle of “never giving up” has saved me once again.
Gasshō
laura c