Writing this Practice Corner article is the latest in spiritual workshops. As I sit down to write, I set a timer for 60 minutes. I put aside all the notes I’ve written and recordings I’ve made of ideas to write about. I describe one situation after another, getting distracted by “better ideas,” comparison with other practice articles, resistance to sitting still, judgment of my abilities and the quality of my practice. I practice shifting attention by asking, “Is that so?” and write.
I see what conditioning is doing, what it always does, and feel an upwelling of warrior energy. The mentor reminds me that “ego will try to convince us that it’s risky to go up against ego.” An image from a past retreat arises, The Dragon of Fear & Doubt, and I recall how facing down this figment of imagination is all that’s needed to make it disappear. The Guide often talks about going up against the voices but doing so feels like a new experience for me (is that so?). But here’s something that I want to do (write about practice) that requires me to confront conditioning. How dare ego take the practice I love and use it to cause me to suffer! Whose life is this anyway?!
And so I proceed, recorder in hand, knowing adequacy and Unconditional Love are my True Nature.
The timer goes off and there’s judgment of what’s written. Wait a second…I pick up the recorder and tell the Mentor what’s been going on. As I listen, the heart opens, I feel heard, and again and yet again, access what’s beneath the voices.
And I see that all of this is really only one process: doing whatever it takes to wake up and end suffering.
Gasshō,
Ramita