How do we choose to “wake up”?
“How long does it take? It takes as long as it takes.” Zen aphorisms can be annoying and yet our experience bears out their truth. Recently I saw through something I had been struggling to understand for years.
Lately, I have been trying to get up early because in the summer it's hot and I want to be out doing garden chores and taking care of things early, not only to beat the heat but also because I really love the early morning hours.
I set the alarm before bed and if I plan to meet someone for a walk at 7:30 a.m. I'll decide to set the alarm for 6:30 a.m. while saying to myself that I’ll use the extra time out in the garden. However, that is not what really happens. When the alarm goes off, I hit the snooze a few times. Then I hear a voice that says, “There’s plenty of time, just 15 minutes more,” after which I turn over and fall soundly back to sleep. There have been years, literally years, of this exact conversation. In the evening I hear, “Oh great, you'll have plenty of time to enjoy the early hours” and then when the alarm goes off, “Oh I've got plenty of time to sleep just 15 minutes longer.”
Now that I’ve seen it, what’s next? When I'm going to meet a walking partner, I am better about keeping the appointment. One approach that dropped in is to set the alarm for just 30 minutes before the appointed time, get up and go out the door with no ideas about doing anything else. But what if I’m walking alone in the morning, what then? Now that I’ve seen through this conditioned setup, I get to keep a new practice commitment to cut through the unwillingness and get up anyway whether there's someone else waiting or not. Finally seeing the process that's been keeping me in bondage for so long, I commit to practicing with it and see more clearly how I have been caused to suffer. The real practice begins.
Gassho,
Greta M.