Enneagram Class 3

CLASS 3 LATE POSTING

With the mentor's support and love I can care for this human, not overworking, not seeking approval, just participation. I experience the Joy love connection and fun of letting life express itself through me. It's divine R/L

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It is. What happens, though, when you’re not availing yourself of the Mentor’s love and support? That’s what we want to explore in a class like this. How do we get fooled, bamboozled, led down the primrose path? Can we see how Enneatype 1 tendencies get us, and how we fall for the Enneatype 2 story or the Enneatype 3 proclivities? It’s glorious when we’re disidentified, AND we want to get a good bead on what keeps us from disidentification. Gassho

 

Three is like a survivor of someone who is deep inside  feeling inadequate (voices: you're late/behind should've/would've/fear of making a mistake/procrastinates/ voices become real!). Physical surroundings/appearance become important. 3 puts high/unreal standards, a set up for frustration for the person who believes she is slow. R/L

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What you describe is a bullying, right? Those voices in the head are constantly haranguing someone who just gets more and more beaten down. Now “you” get to save her, don’t you? You get to step between her and the bully and tell the bully, “Enough.” Then, you get to turn to that abandoned human being and begin to provide an experience of the Unconditional Love and Acceptance that Life is. Yes? That requires “you” to first choose that Unconditional, doesn’t it? Very good. Gassho

 

I notice a deep shame around being perceived as weird. So I've held back from posting meditations and inspirations on social media. I want to be daring and authentic yet the voices of egocentrickarmicconditioningand self hate tell me to play it safe because I will be ridiculed for expressing spirituality. R/L

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As with pretty much everything we conditioned human beings struggle with, the difficulty you’re dealing with has nothing to do with social media postings or “them,” or ridicule—from “out there.” All that is being done by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate inside your own head. “You” want to be daring and authentic and the voices of ego-identity tell you that’s dangerous. It’s not dangerous IF you no longer care what the voices of self-hate have to say about you or them or that or anything else. The daring and authentic happens when you take back your life from ego. See what I mean? Gassho

 

When living threeness I built a successful business and supported my large family. The need to succeed drove me to work long hours and, against my nature, become  detail oriented. The cost, as always, was my heart and a nagging feeling of distrust. Never actually trusting anybody or anything. R/L

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Great insight. When we can’t trust ourselves how can we trust anyone else? You gave up you to follow what the voices said you “had” to do. Did you “have to” do that? Unlikely. You could have acknowledged that you “wanted” to do what you did because you wanted to have a successful business and support your big family. We make our choices—yes, egged on by the “should” voices of ego—and then those same voices want us to see ourselves as victims for having done what we chose. Know what I mean? The Heart is still right with you, as evidenced by the fact that we’re having this conversation! Nothing lost. Want to choose the Heart now? You get to! Gassho

 

Resonate with success on the outside and a feeling of unfufillment on the inside.  Egocentric karmicconditioning/self-hate pushes in career and home responsibilities to make sure "IT" is on top of it, and hearts deeper desire of relaxing into connection over doing is trumped by this orientation.  R/L

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Yes. I just had that conversation with your neighbor. Ego is the master of “do this, do this, do this,” and when we find that “doing this” didn’t get us what ego promised it would get us ego begins the campaign of blaming (us, them, everyone) for how things went and what we did. Time to “have it all.” You have the “outside” success and now you get to add the gratitude that will give you the fulfillment on the “inside.” Gassho

 

Striving/struggling for validation at work, get it, and not happy. Getting promised, struggled-for thing does not bring happiness! Joy of dream job sacrificed in urgency, stress to “earn” validation. So left joy to go “earn” joy. See egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate’s belief (not mine!) that “I” is bad as hook. R/L

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Exactly! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate bamboozles folks into leaving what they want to “go get” what they want. Not a surprise that the process is not satisfying, is it? But everyone has to find out for themselves! Right? If someone had told you that all the striving/struggling wouldn’t get you what you wanted you’d have written them off as a fool. True? Of course. So, we intelligent types get to go on our there and have our experience and then the practice is to be grateful for what we’ve done, had, and learned and come right on in here to this moment. Doncha think? Gassho

 

As an music performing artist I've been tormented by egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate's need for more-and-more "success". At times, I haven't followed my heart's desire: creating music joyfully. Blessedly, I have at other times turned attention to Life's voice, dropped ego's chatter, and actually totally been in thisherenow, while performing.

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We find that in the “God is Good” column. All through life we’re having both experiences, ego and authenticity. First one, then the other. Back and forth we go. Eventually we start to catch on to which is which and, for most folks, we s l o w l y begin to choose authenticity over ego. That puts us among a very small, very fortunate few. Yes? Ego will get almost everyone who is born to beat their head against the walls ego is erecting so they can die in bitterness and regret. Time to celebrate our great good fortune! Gassho

 

Never knew I was such a 3!  Not only the need to perform, but always consulting with ego to assess what success in "my culture" looks like (even or especially the culture of Sangha) is deadly combo. So good to see. R/L. Gassho.

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It is so good to see. In practice I suppose the expression would be “seeing is ceasing to believe.” Is what you’re describing a problem? Only if we don’t know it’s happening. When we see the karma and begin to recognize the behaviors we can begin to make different choices. Ah, the beauty and wonder of practicing awareness.  Gassho

 

I need affirmation/approval to feel loved. People love my energy and I am very ego-identified with it. I have been going through a sad/angry/depressed 6 months or so, and feeling like that “zest” is gone there is fear and grief. Difficult to be patient with depressed feelings.

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Well, of course, you don’t need affirmation/approval to feel loved—it just seems that way because you’ve been conditioned to believe that. Egocentric, karmically conditioned people do tend to love egocentric, karmically conditioned people—unless they don’t. Ego is very impatient with depressed feelings, longs for those ego-filled days of “zest,” to be sure. Why? Because that produces the maximum suffering and ego “lives on” suffering. However, you have another possibility: To be with authenticity, the Heart, the actual human being who is sacrificed to the pursuit of ego’s vanity. Know what I mean? Gassho

 

Saw  “external” approval/love etc used to buffer from self-hate.  When seem have approval, anesthetized to self-hate. Soon as it seems to not be there (ego assessment of course!) self-hate is brutal. External approval has been like a drug needed to ward off the hate. Seeing = another option available! R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

Oh, excellent. What you’re describing is the same as taking drugs to avoid feeling tired. It can work for a while but when it doesn’t, yikes! What ego didn’t count on was you seeing through the scam. “External” approval/love is never going to save us because there’s no such thing as “external.” When we realize that we know where to look. Very good. Gassho

 

A theme in my life has been that I am “not that-- (pretentious, driven, competitive). It is clear now that it is the same trap; the only one who gets to gloat is ego in either case. Life needs nothing to move against, nor to prove. Gassho

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A variation on that theme is “but I’m not as bad as X” I’m not like “that!” Hmm… why are we talking about it then, huh? It’s so helpful to see the dualistic nature of the bamboozle, isn’t it? It’s presented as “I’ll win if/I’ll lose if” but, as you noted, it’s only ever ego playing the win/lose game and with that game, it’s always winning! Gassho

 

Approval for the quality of what I do or I am is the approval I enjoy. I want to be considered, non admired. The task I set myself is important to me, not other people's expectations on my image

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Not everything about an Enneatype needs to be seen as a problem or a negative. The point we're exploring is when unconscious beliefs and assumptions--typified in a particular Enneatype--are the cause of suffering. I can enjoy it when things go the way I think they should, or I'm helpful to others in ways that are important to me or I do a job the way I think it should be done. Can I also enjoy what's happening when things DON'T go the way I think they should, or the ways I'm helpful aren't appreciated, or the way I do my job gets criticized. See what I mean? Gassho

CLASS 3 FINAL

With the mentor's support and love I can care for this human, not overworking, not seeking approval, just participation. I experience the Joy love connection and fun of letting life express itself through me. It's divine R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

It is. What happens, though, when you’re not availing yourself of the Mentor’s love and support? That’s what we want to explore in a class like this. How do we get fooled, bamboozled, led down the primrose path? Can we see how Enneatype 1 tendencies get us and how we fall for the Enneatype 2 story or the Enneatype 3 proclivities? It’s glorious when we’re disidentified, AND we want to get a good bead on what keeps us from disidentification. Gassho

 

Three is like a survivor of someone who is deep inside feeling inadequate (voices: you're late/behind should've/would've/fear of making a mistake/procrastinates/ voices become real!). Physical surroundings/appearance become important. 3 puts high/unreal standards, a set up for frustration for the person who believes she is slow. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

What you describe is a bullying, right? Those voices in the head are constantly haranguing someone who just gets more and more beaten down. Now “you” get to save her, don’t you? You get to step between her and the bully and tell the bully, “Enough.” Then, you get to turn to that abandoned human being and begin to provide an experience of the Unconditional Love and Acceptance that Life is. Yes? That requires “you” to first choose that Unconditional, doesn’t it? Very good. Gassho

 

I notice a deep shame around being perceived as weird. So I've held back from posting meditations and inspirations on social media. I want to be daring and authentic yet the voices of egocentrickarmicconditioningand self hate tell me to play it safe because I will be ridiculed for expressing spirituality. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

As with pretty much everything we conditioned human beings struggle with, the difficulty you’re dealing with has nothing to do with social media postings or “them” or ridicule—from “out there.” All that is being done by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate inside your own head. “You” want to be daring and authentic, and the voices of ego-identity tell you that’s dangerous. It’s not dangerous IF you no longer care what the voices of self-hate have to say about you or them or that or anything else. The daring and authentic happens when you take back your life from ego. See what I mean? Gassho

 

When living threeness I built a successful business and supported my large family. The need to succeed drove me to work long hours and, against my nature, become detail oriented. The cost, as always, was my heart and a nagging feeling of distrust. Never actually trusting anybody or anything. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

Great insight. When we can’t trust ourselves, how can we trust anyone else? You gave up you to follow what the voices said you “had” to do. Did you “have to” do that? Unlikely. You could have acknowledged that you “wanted” to do what you did because you wanted to have a successful business and support your big family. We make our choices—yes, egged on by the “should” voices of ego—and then those same voices want us to see ourselves as victims for having done what we chose. Know what I mean? The Heart is still right with you, as evidenced by the fact that we’re having this conversation! Nothing lost. Want to choose the Heart now? You get to! Gassho

 

Resonate with success on the outside and a feeling of unfufillment on the inside. Egocentric karmicconditioning/self-hate pushes in career and home responsibilities to make sure "IT" is on top of it, and hearts deeper desire of relaxing into connection over doing is trumped by this orientation. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

Yes. I just had that conversation with your neighbor. Ego is the master of “do this, do this, do this,” and when we find that “doing this” didn’t get us what ego promised it would get us, ego begins the campaign of blaming (us, them, everyone) for how things went and what we did. Time to “have it all.” You have the “outside” success, and now you get to add the gratitude that will give you the fulfillment on the “inside.” Gassho

 

Striving/struggling for validation at work, get it, and not happy. Getting promised, struggled-for thing does not bring happiness! Joy of dream job sacrificed in urgency, stress to “earn” validation. So left joy to go “earn” joy. See egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate’s belief (not mine!) that “I” is bad as hook. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

Exactly! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate bamboozles folks into leaving what they want to “go get” what they want. Not a surprise that the process is not satisfying, is it? But everyone has to find out for themselves! Right? If someone had told you that all the striving/struggling wouldn’t get you what you wanted, you’d have written them off as a fool. True? Of course. So, we intelligent types get to go on out there and have our experience, and then the practice is to be grateful for what we’ve done, had, and learned, and come right on in here to this moment. Doncha think? Gassho

 

As an music performing artist I've been tormented by egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate's need for more-and-more "success". At times, I haven't followed my heart's desire: creating music joyfully. Blessedly, I have at other times turned attention to Life's voice, dropped ego's chatter, and actually totally been in thisherenow, while performing.

+++++++++++++++++++++

We find that in the “God is Good” column. All through life we’re having both experiences, ego and authenticity. First one, then the other. Back and forth we go. Eventually, we start to catch on to which is which, and, for most folks, we s l o w l y begin to choose authenticity over ego. That puts us among a very small, very fortunate few. Yes? Ego will get almost everyone who is born to beat their head against the walls ego is erecting so that they can die in bitterness and regret. Time to celebrate our great good fortune! Gassho

 

Never knew I was such a 3! Not only the need to perform, but always consulting with ego to assess what success in "my culture" looks like (even or especially the culture of Sangha) is deadly combo. So good to see. R/L. Gassho.

+++++++++++++++++++++

It is so good to see. In practice I suppose the expression would be “seeing is ceasing to believe.” Is what you’re describing a problem? Only if we don’t know it’s happening. When we see the karma and begin to recognize the behaviors, we can begin to make different choices. Ah, the beauty and wonder of practicing awareness. Gassho

 

I need affirmation/approval to feel loved. People love my energy and I am very ego-identified with it. I have been going through a sad/angry/depressed 6 months or so, and feeling like that “zest” is gone there is fear and grief. Difficult to be patient with depressed feelings.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Well, of course, you don’t need affirmation/approval to feel loved—it just seems that way because you’ve been conditioned to believe that. Egocentric, karmically conditioned people do tend to love egocentric, karmically conditioned people—unless they don’t. Ego is very impatient with depressed feelings, longs for those ego-filled days of “zest,” to be sure. Why? Because that produces the maximum suffering and ego “lives on” suffering. However, you have another possibility: To be with authenticity, the Heart, the actual human being who is sacrificed to the pursuit of ego’s vanity. Know what I mean? Gassho

 

Saw “external” approval/love etc used to buffer from self-hate. When seem have approval, anesthetized to self-hate. Soon as it seems to not be there (ego assessment of course!) self-hate is brutal. External approval has been like a drug needed to ward off the hate. Seeing = another option available! R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++

Oh, excellent. What you’re describing is the same as taking drugs to avoid feeling tired. It can work for a while, but when it doesn’t, yikes! What ego didn’t count on was you seeing through the scam. “External” approval/love is never going to save us because there’s no such thing as “external.” When we realize that, we know where to look. Very good. Gassho

 

A theme in my life has been that I am “not that-- (pretentious, driven, competitive). It is clear now that it is the same trap; the only one who gets to gloat is ego in either case. Life needs nothing to move against, nor to prove. Gassho

+++++++++++++++++++++

A variation on that theme is “but I’m not as bad as X” I’m not like “that!” Hmm… why are we talking about it then, huh? It’s so helpful to see the dualistic nature of the bamboozle, isn’t it? It’s presented as “I’ll win if/I’ll lose if” but, as you noted, it’s only ever ego playing the win/lose game, and with that game, it’s always winning! Gassho

 

 

 

Constant focus on what others think of me. Can't stand disapproval of any kind. I hide things and show what I want. I don't believe I am worthwhile just being me. I have to provide value and be admired. No fun. Have to keep up. Gassho. R/L

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No fun! That is the god’s truth, isn’t it? Which is the whole point, right? The thing to underline here is that it’s not “you” not believing you’re worthwhile “just being what you authentically are,” it’s egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. You know that, don’t you? Ego is there on the lookout for “what others think,” which of course is simply what ego “thinks” and projects onto others. It watches for any signs of disapproval, making them up when they aren’t there, and then uses the “evidence” to get you to identify with it so it can tell you what to do/how to be. Exhausting! Seeing it, you can practice stepping free and having the delightful—and fun!—experience of finding people actually enjoy the authentic “you.” Gassho

 

"You have to earn your keep" was an understanding I grew up with. Not just looking good, but worthwhileness itself was related to performance. Excellent performance in some areas was compensation and cover for poor performance in others. See this now, yet identity still seeks performance recognition. R/L

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Of course! Awareness practice is a process. We see something and then need to practice getting clear of all the hooks ego has in us around that particular subject. Each time it happens you get a little clearer. One day you’ll notice it’s not happening. No hurry! Gassho

 

Interesting as I do not generally identify with the performer. Regardless, I watched myself over the past few days seek both positive and critical "reviews." I noticed in particular "helping" someone identify something I did "wrong" and dwelling with her on it. Self punishment through on-stage performance?

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Ouch! Can you see that “you” had been taken over by a self-hating ego through that episode? You wouldn’t have done that if you’d been coming from the heart. You can see that, right? Those incidents are opportunities to see what it “feels” like when egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has done its “body snatchers” thing. It looked like “you,” it talked like “you,” but it was ego having snatched your human form to inflict some suffering. You’re watching. Keep up the scrutiny and you’ll begin to recognize the takeover as what’s happening every time you’re not present and paying attention. Gassho

 

When I notice being "caught" in a process where it seems as though I'm on a chain driven conveyor belt it seems easier to get caught up in the content then wake up to what's possible. In those moments conditioning says "no that's too scary". Life says "hey, yes? "

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You realize that 1) ego is fear, and 2) ego NEVER wants you to wake up, correct? When identified with ego, it definitely feels easier to get caught up than to wake up. In fact, caught in ego waking up is not an option. However, you’re reporting sightings of that little gap of “you could get out of this,” and, I’m betting, that gap is looking more and more appealing! Gassho

 

I AM a recovering performer -more for facade from dysfunctional parents than validation. Performer for (false) security and self-deception. Now I see the performer. It is a practice to follow the heart’s desire. A practice not to overthink, just feel “performer” or “heart’s desire” in thought and deed. R/L

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It’s like standing at a fork in the road, isn’t it? This is true with all “content” we’re facing in practice. There’s ego urging “take that road, take that road,” while there’s just a “sensing” from Life that pulls us toward the proverbial “road less traveled.” As we say in practice, it’s a process of “calibrating.” We’re learning to calibrate to Life. Gassho

 

The story is that am spending an inordinate amount of time and energy maintaining those external expectations, so that there isn't enough time to live the life my heart desires. Maintaining expectations is exhausting; Living heart's desire is freeing. R/L

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Yep. And, it’s a practice, isn’t it? We see a big piece of karma such as “how much time and energy are spent maintaining external expectations,” realize how exhausting it is, and we want it to end NOW. Living from the Heart is freeing. There’s no contest! But the habit, the karmic pull, is old and big. So, we have to keeping coming back to thisherenow and choosing the Life we want. We have to choose the Heart and keep making that choice. We have to earn that freedom! Gassho

 

Seeing a process of external validation for worthiness. The egocentrickarmicconditioning-selfhate conversation is: there is a “right / smart way” and that I’m not “doing a good job”. This process doesn’t allow mistakes, prevents this human from fully showing up, locked in fear, and not available to receive the Intelligence that Animates All.

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That’s it! The voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate paralyze a person, and then beat the person for not doing a good job. It’s ugly. The culprit in that melodrama is clearly the conversation in conditioned mind, right? You’ve seen it and now you get to take steps to end it. You get to practice awareness. Very exciting! Gassho

 

Process: ‘Shoulds and shouldn’ts, what will people/family think’! This thinking has lead me down paths that have suffocated my True Self. Now I hear/realize what Centre is and don’t ignore it. I feel the nurturing offered and let it take me down its path.

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Very good. Here’s some good news: The True Nature that animates all cannot be suffocated. It can’t be hurt, abandoned, or in any way harmed. And, it’s not personal! We don’t each have one; it’s the same ONE for all of us. So, here we are seeing the choice we have to follow Life down the path Life is offering us, and there’s not a single problem in any of it. Isn’t that grand? Gassho

 

I have used my role as mother, a job and being a performing artist to define my worth. Since my kids have grown and I’ve retired, I’ve defined my worth based on audience response to my performances; also accolades from other performing artists/teachers. This attention is never enough. R/L

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No, it isn’t. Nor will it ever be. If only folks could get that it’s not possible ever to please the voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. No amount of perfection will ever end the beatings. The reason for that is quite simple, of course. It’s all a lie! People believe they’re punished and beaten because they deserve it. They’ve done something wrong. They are wrong. Not true a bit. Self-hate hates and beats because that’s what it is, that’s what it does, and most important of all, it can. It will never stop; we can stop it. Gassho

 

Possibly a failed 3. I buy into the system, but tend not to "achieve". So ego uses the "if only" stories against me. As ego keeps the focus on a fantasy world of success, here and now, and whats real is ignored. Gassho

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Well, that used to work really successfully for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, didn’t it? I suspect it’s not going to be so smooth for ego going forward. Sounds as if you’re ready to see if what’s real might be a better place to live, and given the fact that you’re doing a practice that enables you to experience what’s real…. Yeah, not such a happy future for ego. Good! Gassho

 

Being rigid against intimacy to cloak a deep inner shame and wrongness are very present in my experience. People have told me they can sense a submerged iceberg and want to know more of me. Egocentrickarmicconditioning tells me that if they see the truth about me they will leave. R/L

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What’s your experience of that? Has everyone who wanted to know more of you stayed around because you hid yourself from them? Sounds as if you’re ready to put that to the test. Do you wonder if people see that “shame and wrongness,” experience it as bogus, and love you in spite of your commitment to such silliness? Gassho

 

I understand the impulse of the 3 not to let others get too close, though as a 1 my motivation is I wouldn’t want them to see my imperfection. Also, if others do like me, then that would be an external signal I'm okay. Interesting similarities, if different motivations! R/L

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Don’t you just LOVE practicing awareness? Isn’t it ever so much more interesting and fulfilling than sitting around listening to ego’s negative rants? Gassho

 

Relate to accomplishments, working hard on them, and wanting approval/ admiration. . Easily see 3ness in girlfriend. Comparing her image emphasis has ego saying mine is not so bad (I’m more of an accomplishments guy). Good news: Feeling success in pursuing my heart’s desire on multiple fronts. R/L

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Ego is certifiably creepy, isn’t it? It looks at our loved ones, finds something wrong with them, compares what’s wrong with us to them, and tells us we should feel good because we’re so much better than the loved one. I hope you’re looking closely at the lens through which these comparisons and assessments are happening. We would not want the same system that’s assessing/comparing with girlfriend to be in charge of fulfilling “heart’s desire.” (Might want to keep an eye on that “my” in “heart’s desire.”) Gassho

 

Internalized “external expectations” keep me in doing, going from one doing to another. It seems as if the to-do’s are being presented by Life, but if I’m in a conditioned doing process, then I’m not open to Life’s guidance. My heart’s desire isn’t heard above lifelong habit of doing. R/L

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Great insight. “Do!” is the clarion call of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, and urgency is its cheerleader. “Do more, do now, do faster,” the voices urge. For that reason, in awareness practice we are encouraged to have at least one period of silence and solitude every day. We need to go on retreat so we have a break from that habitual, urgent doing. In those breaks, in that silence and solitude, we practice hearing that still, small voice of the Heart/Life. Gassho

 

Image is a big deal for me. But I've watched the process in action enough to know it doesn't bring happiness or freedom. Want to "fix" it, but after much noodling about how to do that, realize the Wisdom is to keep watching it. Deep gratitude for this practice. R/L

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Very wise. My teacher would say, “Nothing can stand up under scrutiny.” If we want something to fall apart, we just keep watching it rather than “feeding” it. Stop doing what maintains it and soon it will disintegrate. Gassho

 

At times, conditioning will tell me to "look good" and "perform perfectly" and "make it look effortless". The "effortless" part seems important. The attention all goes on the surface portrayal, and my heart gets betrayed. I miss out on having a genuine experience. R/L

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Indeed, that is so. What you’re seeing is that the attention all goes to ego. That’s how the heart gets “betrayed.” (We have to put that in quotes because the Heart can’t be betrayed; it just feels that way to us.) The happy news is that you clearly know what a “genuine experience” is and how to have one! Gassho

 

Authenticity likes to share happy moments and valuable info on social media; however, ego likes to manipulate this process to suit it's desire to display an image of "success." Egocentrickarmicconditioningselfhate suggests more that others possess this quality. Egocentrickarmicconditioningselfhate analyzes shared info and makes it spiteful and ugly. R/L

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Is that Authenticity on social media? That seems like a fruitful place to apply some attention and awareness. I wonder “who/what” is making those assessments about the whole process. Know what I mean? Gassho

 

I can feel so concerned at times that others have a negative image of me. With practice, recognizing that as a clue there’s an ego orientation; one that separates and shames. When present, life is not about presenting a winning image and shame does not lead to living/acting from heart. R/L

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HALLELUJAH! That’s an insight I want to put in bold letters (can you tell?). We learn to recognize those kinds of “ideas,” “judgments,” “conversations” as evidence that egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has slipped in and grabbed the steering wheel! We hear something in conditioned mind, and rather than believing it, we recognize it, and use it to disidentify and come back to thisherenow. Thank you for that. Gassho

 

Silicon valley pushes Threeness: do this, achieve that, then post it on Facebook. I wrestle with shame when I hit the lows, and struggle to find self-worth aside from Doing. I spend time Being in my garden, with my cats, with family, but still define myself by Doing.

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Ego defines you by DOING. Ego is doing. That’s how it’s fed. Now that you’ve seen it, you can choose to end it. How? Stop looking to the conversation in conditioned mind for information. It would seem the “do this, achieve that, then post it on facebook” has gone far beyond Silicon Valley! It’s egoland. It’s growing and annexing new territories by the minute. Only we can say no to it—“can” being the operative word! Gassho

 

Type 3 manifests in a constant looking outward to see if behavior meets projected expectation of others--such heartache! Mentor says this is a unique expression of Life never to be repeated --go for it! R/L

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Can we get an “Amen”? This is our one and only precious life. If we don’t live it, it’ll be gone and “what people thought” will not be a satisfactory compensation! You go! Gassho

 

I realized how little time I spend thinking about the types that I 'am not.' I also saw that I am a Type 3 and I let in the good qualities that entails, as well as forgiving the foibles of wanting external approval. I feel ready to perform! R/L

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How about being ready to practice awareness? For instance, who is this “I” that thinks, sees, decides, and forgives? Might be worth looking into. Gassho

 

Seeing the performer in how home/yard are maintained. Driven sense of having to have things "just so" and looking ship shape. Experiencing great enjoyment in the "caring for" and seeing how conditioning can take over "caring for" to drive beyond the love and enjoyment and into suffering. R/L

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Beautifully stated. There’s nothing wrong with anything, is there? As we like to say it, “It’s not what, it’s how.” Taking care of things is a wonderful, fulfilling, joy-producing way to be, right up to the point where egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate jumps in and turns it into a self-hating pile of “shoulds.” We can do anything following Life’s guidance, but a tiny incursion by ego and without bringing attention back to thisherenow, suffering will follow. Gassho

 

Egocentrickarmiconditioning says not an issue for me. Looking deeper see how often choices are made based on what others might think. Try to be Superwoman want to be seen that way. Exhausting. Step back to center find Life's sweet flowing pace then ego hijacks again. R/L Gassho

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That’s it, isn’t it? There we have awareness practice. Fortunately, we learn to love the coming home to center and thus don’t mind the hijacking. Those hijackings just let us see through another bamboozle and find another way HOME. True? Gassho

 

Wow, seeing that egocentrickarmiconditioning/self-hate’s focus on a certain image directs way more of my life that I thought. Clothes I wear, car I drive, vacations, etc etc. It sounds silly but imaging dropping it all, how will I know “what to wear?” Will Life drop that in too? R/L

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Only one way to find out, huh? What you’re pointing at is the confusion we have as conditioned human beings that ego is what’s doing everything. Without ego, who would I be? Without ego, how will I know what to do? Ego is never present as Life unfolds; it always comes in just a few beats later with better ideas and claims of superiority and victory. “I had this idea.” “I thought of that,” and such. I can promise you’ll be just fine—and much happier—not being dragged around by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, but we must each have our own experience! Gassho

 

In reaction to constant messages that I’m failing, I work hard to perform -- feels so “right” and “me”. Then check in with that same system: yep, you’re on track. Am catching on how this pulls me further and further away from Authenticity, from the “track” I want to be on. R/L

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Good job; you’re practicing awareness. We’re sorting between those two tracks moment by moment. Is this following the heart? Does this feel genuine/true/real/authentic? We’re “feeling” our way to freedom! Gassho

 

A voice says, “Surely you are not so vain as to care about your image.” Nonetheless, this human wants to achieve and be the best (without being known as someone who is competitive). I am learning to question my assumption that I deserve love based on what I do.

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Good! Question that! What I project you’re seeing is that the voice that says, “Surely you are not so vain…” is the same one that constantly points out what you need do to be the best without looking competitive. Ego plays both sides of the board in its dualistic, control-seeking orientation to its survival. In this ping-pong game of ego life, ego has a paddle on each end of the table and the human being is the ping-pong ball! Awareness practice is a process of extricating ourselves from that hateful “game.” Gassho

 

Earlier in life, I really, really tried to be a 3. Actually, I faked it because I thought it would fix things. I found out that it doesn’t and have been wandering since, suggesting that “image” still holds sway (more so with acquaintances than close friends) R/L

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What we’re doing is always phrased “waking up.” We’re in a process. According to all my spiritual heroes, this is a “gerund” affair. We’re never going to “get finished,” we’re always somewhere along the path working with what we’re currently working with. Both dynamic and fun! Gassho

 

I have a 3 partner who will periodically express a "deeply felt sense of meaninglessness" which I will then completely identify with. What a relief--it's just egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate expressing what IT is and who we are not. Now we can both instead be wrapped in life's tender embrace. R/L Gassho

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Indeed, you can. Turning attention to Life in thisherenow will handily put paid to ego’s most dramatic “deeply felt sense of meaninglessness.” Not possible to be present and indulge such nonsense! Gassho

 

I deeply admire and envy two friends who have the Three's positive characteristics. Egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate scolds viciously because I don't. Surprisingly, I do have their negative traits--finding intimacy difficult, shame about who I am. Three is my direction of integration.

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Going up into conditioned mind to analyze rather than being present and allowing Life to guide through insight is one of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s favorite bamboozles. All that intellectualizing deepens a relationship with ego, which is all it accomplishes. Encouragement: Let go the “figuring out” and “knowing.” Just pay attention and see what wisdom, love, and compassion drops in for you in the form of insight. Gassho

 

Familiar with "presenting" a self that will be admired, high energy, and likeable. Often shows up in social situations with a tendency toward "entertaining". When this identity is going strong it dominates, making authentic presence impossible. No surprise that self-hate often follows on the heals of "performing".

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Which is the whole point, right? Set up to get beat up, that’s self-hate’s game. Why is self-hate so important? Because it keeps ego in the spotlight, center stage all the time. Whether you have the mic, or you’re the wallflower hiding behind the potted palm, ego is in full control, running the show. As we get clearer about that, we find an increasing willingness to pull the plug on it. True? Gassho

 

I am so ashamed of my family that I "tried" hard to "perform" out and not be like them. My children's diseases forced me back to ask for help and lower expectations. Today I'm mostly grateful for my life. The struggle with family distracts me from here. R/L

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The struggle is with ego. The whole thing is happening in a conversation inside your head. Can you see that? If you dropped that conversation all the problems would go away. If you were living in another conversation—how grateful I am for my life, how much I love and appreciate my family, for instance—you would be having a completely different life experience though nothing external would have changed. As long as we believe that what the conversation in the head is saying is true, we are bound to suffer. Gassho

 

Memories of being shamed & feeling ashamed of my self, life, family, environment. Anger wells up inside, a tense feeling. Determination to never feel that way again, to always be ahead of the curve, leads to workaholic, behaviors. Its hard to trust anyone, anything. Brief calmness when I let go. R/L

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Let go more often and that “brief calmness” will turn into “calmness.” You can see how this is an ego bamboozle, can’t you? “Memories….” Why have them? Memories aren’t a requirement; they’re a choice. We can choose to remember anything we want or nothing at all. If memories cause such suffering, why entertain them? Because they feed egocentric karmic conditioning/ self-hate and ego demands to be fed. No person identified with ego will ever trust anything other than ego. That’s just how it is. I hope you can see this whole thing as a process. There’s no “truth” in any of it. It’s a construct. Ego is the puppet master, telling the stories that cause a human being to twitch, jump, and thrash around. Awareness practice enables us to cut those strings and walk away free. Gassho

 

Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate tells me that who I really am is selfish, petty and cruel - something I must hide at all costs. Trying to appear selfless and loving is painful, and I'm seeing it precludes the experience of unity and integrity that is unconditional love and no-self. R/L

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Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is projecting! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is selfish, petty, and cruel. And, yes, it wants you to hide it at all costs. It’s not “you.” It really has no more to do with you than walking past a bad smell has something to do with you! With me? What’s the “secret” here? Stop giving it attention and it will cease to be—I promise! Will it happen that quickly? No. But a lot quicker than those voices will want you to believe! Gassho

 

At work and at home, I’m working on long-term projects that will eventually be publicly presented. Although I do them for the joy of doing them, I see how I suffer over how they’ll be received when I believe ego’s projections of inadequacy onto me and judgment onto others. Gassho

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We could call that “pre-suffering,” huh? Nothing is even ready to be presented and the suffering is being piled on about how these projects MIGHT be received and how people MIGHT judge you and them. Sheesh! Just say “no thank you” please. How about starting to make a ton of recordings to remind you that “the process is the outcome,” that you’re enjoying the process, and if/when there’s a future event, you’re going to be ready to enjoy that too. Then listen all the time! Gassho

 

Listening to a story that something’s wrong with me, need to feel ashamed, leads to trying to create/maintain an image that “looks good” and gets recognition. All based on a lie. I’ve never seen this bamboozle so clearly, perhaps because society approves of “success.” Paying close attention now. R/L

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Good for you! The Buddha did point out about 2500 years ago that “society is insane.” Nothing much has changed, has it? Society seems to approve any and everything that leads to suffering. (I realize that can sound a bit negative, but I don’t think we need to look too far to see how that’s true.) Fortunately, we don’t have to attend to the lies. Isn’t that a blessing! Yes, paying close attention is the key that opens those prison cells! Gassho

 

One line of the description of Enneatype Three, struck a karmic wound with insight and healing: “Their need to be validated for their image often hides a deep sense of shame about who they really are, a shame they unconsciously fear will be unmasked if another gets too close.” R/L

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Good. Now the practice support will be to make the recordings that will keep that insight alive and the healing healing, yes? Record and listen to the recordings A LOT. Gassho

 

What resonates most with type 3 is family training that "Image/success is everything" and awareness of doing to get love/prove worthiness, plus accompanying feelings that "this isn't really me". Noticing how hugely distracting from Life/presence are projections about meeting "external expectations" of ego - wow - believing that they're external. Gassho/R/L

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Those last four words are a big clue for all of us—“believing that they’re external.” Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is able to do its dirty work because it gets people to believe there’s a real “out there.” Once we believe that, we’re firmly in ego’s sights and ego is hidden from our view. It whispers, “he’s, she’s, they’re…” and we hop-to to do its bidding. Now you’ve seen it. There’s no out there out there. And, yes, that whole mess is NOT you! Gassho

 

This one is painful. Realizing that I often feel like a fraud--an actor skilled at making people think I'm a good, caring, giving person because I do kind things. But in reality, my motivation for kind works is shame for who I really am. R/L

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Let’s break that down before you get pulled too deeply into ego’s “pain story.” You realize that you often “feel like a fraud….” Does that make you a fraud? Or are you just called a fraud by the voices in your head? Do you never do kind things just because you care about someone? Are you always motivated by shame? P L E A S E take some time to look long and hard at that whole story. Here’s a hint: It’s crapola! Gassho

 

I feel free when guided by internal longings, and see so much "anxiety story" surrounds external. Pausing and Slowly finding way through when external conflict with internal as they did just now R/L

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Not sure what happened “just now,” but “pausing and slowly” finding our way is always a good approach. So much of awareness practice revolves around learning to discern the difference between what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is saying/doing and the quiet, gentle guidance of Life living us. Slowing down and paying close attention assists us greatly in this endeavor. Gassho

 

 

 

 

 

Performer -- Hard worker whole life! Constant fear of being "found out" as fraud. Funny thing -- the critic is always around and it's not coming from the outside. On recordings, the mentor always exposes the fraud claimed by egocentriccarmicconditioning/selfhate. Because of these recordings, the internal fraud is very small. R/L

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I think what you’re saying is that with the Mentor on your side egocentric karmic conditioning/ self-hate is having less and less influence. Yes? That is the great advantage of combining the practice of awareness with the practice of Recording and Listening. We now have somewhere else to look, “someone” else to look to, and a reliable source of information for our moment-to-moment present pleasure! Gassho

 

"I" see how hard "I" worked for the letters after my name which were "supposed" to bring "me", "respect", "recognition", "atta boy"? All those quotes are places egocentrickarmic-conditioning/self hate had it's way with this human. "I" felt like a hero! "Noble aspiration!". Later, illness. Huh?? Now, awareness dawns.

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It’s true, isn’t it, that all that “respect and recognition” was going to come your way, but what you didn’t know is that it was all going to go to ego. From ego’s position on that high horse, it could look down on everyone else; you just didn’t realize you would be included in that everyone being looked down on! Now you see it. Now is a marvelous time to give that fine human being all the respect and recognition he deserves, not for what he’s “done,” but for what he is. Gassho

 

Seeing the Enneagram like this is amazing because I have identified with each drive so far. The drive for external validation (Three) is very relatable. And now I see the belief that “being driven” by something is a good person thing, that it is appropriate and right. R/L

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Hopefully, you’re seeing that belief as bogus and ego-serving? Being driven isn’t even good for beasts of burden! Lots of light being shown into the corners egocentric karmic conditioning/ self-hate has kept us in the dark about, and with that light an increasing ability to choose the authenticity that is ours to choose. Gassho

 

I often get caught in having to look strong, capable, no muss, no fuss. This stops me from asking for help, receiving help, showing emotions and responding genuinely to people and events. "I" looks like "good, right" person while authentic me is forced to hide. R/L

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If we were religious types, we would frame that as “the devil gets to look like the good/right person, while God is required to take a back seat.” Yowza, huh? If we consider what’s happening from that perspective, we can see there’s actually no such thing as an “authentic me.” There’s Life and there’s egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, a “system” that wants to exist separate from Life. We’re always choosing one or the other. Good to get clear about which we’re choosing, huh? Gassho

 

Most of my adult life, I was building an image of someone busy, hard-working, productive, and of service. “External expectations” were ego’s since no one else was keeping score. I was often too busy to follow, or even know, my heart’s desire, spiritual practices. Now I can be/do things differently. R/L.

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Yes, that’s our current choice. We can see in what you write the danger we face, if we’re not present and attentive, of giving up our one and only life to an energy-sucking vampire that would take it all. (I sometimes get accused of “extreme language,” but as soon as we see what’s really happening the language doesn’t seem extreme enough!) Giving up “most of my adult life” is more than enough to give to an ego that cares not a whit for you, isn’t it? Gassho

 

I feel the most 3 when I’m around others who are in 3. I also think my daydreaming machine is a 3 -- when it catches my attention, it’s a lot about being popular, charismatic, attractive. Interestingly, when I’m actually performing on stage, I feel no 3 at all. Gassho R/L

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Ah, that’s an important insight, isn’t it? Now you get to explore what the difference is; what’s happening when you’re with others at 3 or daydreaming that ISN’T happening when you’re actually performing? Watch! Don’t go up into conditioned mind to figure it out, okay? Gassho

 

It is amazing how closely I have been able relate to each of these three types! It is the inability to find a perfect mate, to round off the picture of being a successful performer that has held me in suffering and ultimately led me to this practice. Gassho R/L

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I know. It is of course NEVER egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s intention, but for a lucky few of us it overplayed its hand and drove us to practice. That’s good, huh? I often encourage people to FIRST wake up and end suffering, and then do whatever Life offers you. It’s rarely taken up. Conditioned humans want to drag ego/karma around until they get worn out. It doesn’t get worn out, but the human does. So we see generation after generation going through the same process! Ah, well, as long as we get here at some point, huh? Gassho

 

Until recently, couldn’t imagine an occupation other than the profession I was trained in. Gradually, small cracks in that identity appear, light shining through, lots more vitality, curiosity, joy as being expands beyond limited role and risks living with greater dimensionality, exploring new territory. Gassho R/L

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We are lucky! As I was just saying to your neighbor, it doesn’t really matter when the lights start to come on; we’re just grateful that they do! Gassho

 

Class 3- Eye opening! Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate has kept me to itself all these years telling me "no one would like me let alone love me if they only knew my dirty secrets, my parents-I'm nothing. Appearances are key.'' My only dirty secret is EKC/SH. So freeing! Love to the one hiding. R/L

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Let that person out of the closet! That’s so brilliant: The only dirty secret anyone has is egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, and everyone has the same one! Gassho

 

Identify less with Type 3. What dropped in is that impossibly high standards and fear of mistakes/failure of the 1 overrode expression of 3 characteristics early on. Can see them in high-achieving teenager who was burnt out within a decade . Having conflict between expectations and hearts desire resonates. R/L

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It gets tricky to parse, doesn’t it? Fortunately, we don’t need to. As we continue to pay attention, Intelligence will drop in the insights we need. You’re closing in on the “expectations/Heart’s desire” conflict. Keep an eye out and more will be revealed. Gassho

 

Desire for external validation feels familiar, as does working hard, and fear of being a loser. Noticed disapproval of conforming to culture and fear of intimacy - ego thinks it's better than that. Strong relating to all three types! Mentor approves of this human and supports his heart's desires. R/L.

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The Mentor is conscious compassionate awareness, unconditional love and acceptance. Of course the Mentor approves of the human being! The Mentor is able to see authenticity. Better stated, the Mentor is Authenticity. That’s what we’re learning to recognize, right? Gassho

 

Striving to present the perfect, most put together image of myself, do a great job, life appears to be easy yet I’m empty. I struggle in intimate realtionships, deeply scared of being vulnerable and abandoned for my flaws and yet my lack of vulnerability prevents me from deep connection. R/L

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You got it. And, I’m betting people have left you, not because of your “flaws,” but because you believed egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate’s stories about your flaws, and people left not able to compete with ego for your attention. Possible? (We can all say yes to that if we’ve paid close enough attention.) Now you’ve seen it. Now you can take steps toward relationships with other human beings rather than with ego. Ego will try to scare you to death in the process, but that’s okay. It’s all part of waking up and choosing Life. And, we’re here to support! Gassho

 

Just realized how I have always been guided by a 3 conditioning in my search for a mate! Always wanted somebody "cool and alternative" to show off! Also, afraid to be seen as a spinster! Oh my God what a relief to drop this!! R/L

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There’s the cry of a human being waking up—“Oh, thank God, it’s not me!” Spinster? On top of all the other relief, there’s the relief of getting into this century! You know what you’re going to have to deal with now? You are the “cool and alternative” person you’ve been looking for! And you don’t even need to show off! Gassho

 

I can see how the type 3 confusion with happiness as an external set of circumstances has played out in my life (less now b/c of Practice) in jobs/partners/anything really. It is most helpful to uncover those beliefs and actively shake them up. Gassho R/L

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Uh huh. We can even uncover them and let them go! We’re not required to bother with what we’re not. Now you get to just go on ahead and be happy. Gassho

 

Another slick con of fake it to you make it and he who dies with the most toys wins. dead, unfulfilled. Who's expectations and whose rules? What resonates is inauthenticity, shame and self betrayal. My heart doesn't have external expectations. Egocentric Karmic conditioning self hate does. Time to wake up.

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NOW is a perfect time to wake up, isn’t it? What you’re pointing out is really important to see: Once we buy in to the game, we stop wondering what the game is or how it got started. We stop questioning the rules. Eventually, we don’t question anything, just let the voices in conditioned mind question us and accept that even when we’re ostensibly winning, we’re losing. We don’t feel the way we should feel with winning/success, but that’s because there’s something wrong with us…. Yep, time to wake up! Gassho

 

I see how I have gotten talked into needing to look a certain way and to be a certain way and how because I don't meet those standards I stay hidden and ashamed and alone.

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Good! Now you don’t have to do that anymore, and awareness practice will give you the step-by-step “how to” for doing that—or not doing that, as the case may be. It’s all been a lie and you’ve seen through it. Well done! The voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate are going to GO BALLISTIC in their attempt to get you back, hiding out with them. DON’T BELIEVE THEM! Stay with us. Once foot in front of the other. Okay? Gassho

 

Notice that if there is no ‘audience’, egocentrickarmicconditioning has less energy, releasing this being into the simplicity of living. I’ve realized the impossibility of being fulfilled by the charge ego gets from performing. Also don't want to be controlled by fear. So I speak up, eroding the habit of shrinking.

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Excellent. If you don’t have a Recording and Listening practice, please start one. Having the Mentor to talk things over with gives a beautiful way to replace that old, unhealthy relationship with ego. Gassho

 

I can get really seduced by sucesss, wrapped in making things beautiful, consise, articulate, expressing myself in the perfect way, and others appreciating me for that. As I practice I see "image" is something I can get lost in over presence" and wellbeing, so I'm practicing. R/L

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Very helpful. There’s nothing “wrong” with “image,” is there? It’s just that anything we choose over presence is going to lead to suffering. Wanting to make things beautiful and perfect can be a lovely wish, and if we let ego get hold of it, suffering will follow. If we realize we are expressions of Life, we will enjoy the beauty and perfection of Life. All praise to Life! It’s not “what,” it’s “how,” right? Gassho

 

At first, no clarity. Then... a difficult experience this morning, trying to maintain an image in front of other people, trying to hide a sense of shame. And practice really saved me! Listened to recording of "I choose unconditional love" (with gaps), on loop. No room for story. R/L. Gassho

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There’s a marvelous demonstration of practice in action. Because you were paying attention, you saw what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate was doing, what had taken you over. You recognized you were identified with ego, turned attention from that identification to a practice of awareness, and stepped free of suffering. Powerful, huh? Gassho

 

I was lucky I was able to buy the big expensive house I thought would make me happy, because it allowed me to see that it didn't change anything. Which started my quest that led to practice. So grateful I had that experience early in my life. R/L

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When we’re grateful for where we are, we’re grateful for every step along the path. The voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate are always yammering on about “past mistakes” and “future fears,” but we don’t need to listen because we know each experience in Life is a gift assisting us to awaken and end suffering. A very happy situation! Gassho

 

 

I’m new to enneagrams and struggle with self-applied labels, even though I know I do this. I resonate with approval seeking behaviour. I work hardest when a client urgently needs my help. Shame underlying fear of failure resonates. But I also tend to hide “under the radar” to avoid attention.

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This is all very good to see, isn’t it? Back in Class 1, we saw the tendency to try to get it right/be perfect. In Class 2, we saw those helpful/resentful tendencies. All we’re doing with everything we do in this practice is practicing awareness. We do stuff so we can pay attention and see what we see. We see what we see, and in that seeing get some distance on egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Getting that distance, disidentifying, assists us to realize that what “we” are is not the voice in the head, not the conditioned beliefs and assumptions we’re used to thinking are “who we are.” Increasingly, it dawns on us that what we truly are is the awareness that is aware of ALL. Gassho

 

Lots to see! The focus on meeting “external expectations” catapults my attention to someplace “over there,” instead of the beauty, joy, & love of the moment. The performer lives in ego's world of comparison, not Life's world of rightherenow. Writing this reminds “me” that there’s “no me necessary.” Ahhhh. R/L.

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You make a marvelous case for practice! When we’re caught up in the yammy, yammy conversation of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate conditioned mind, there are really no options other than suffering. That’s just how it is. We do something—anything—in the realm of practicing awareness, and, as you say, “Ahhhh,” we’re present in thisherenow with no problems! Gassho

 

My partner is classic Three and his focus on performing is 'The Other Woman' -- I can't compete. At Center I know it's not personal but the theme of invisibility is an easy target for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. That plus 'Why can't you be more like him?' provide impetus to double-down on practice. R/L

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We are driven to awareness practice, are we not? We see that without the ability to direct attention and choose presence we are doomed! Isn’t that a gift?! Thank you for that! Gassho

 

Noticing ‘external expectations’ are foremost ego’s expectations. Noticing that they whisper beneath the radar non-stop. Notice my heart’s desire is to be free of ego’s expectations and to choose my own, or Life’s way in each moment, including those moments that are ˜unimportant’, mundane, boring, hard. Am practicing it! R/L

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Excellent. It’s true, those voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate are whispering beneath the radar non-stop, and if we don’t learn to expand our radar we will be controlled by ego for yet another lifetime. When we see what you’re seeing, it’s clear that “choosing my way” is “choosing Life’s way” in each moment. There is no “me” outside of Life—and that’s how we want it, yes? The beauty of that realization is seeing that moments that are unimportant, mundane, boring, or hard are moments we spent with ego rather than Life. Gassho

 

After a lifetime with conditioning of meeting standards of church, health, and career authorities, now, I see the Performer in my awareness practice creating bamboozles around excelling, comparison and separation. I practice to see how this stops me from my heart's desire of ending suffering in each moment. Gassho. R/L

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Good! That’s our whole point in awareness practice, isn’t it? We don’t “see” in order for ego to beat us up for having done it wrong in the past; we “see” because our heart wants to end suffering, and getting a clear bead on ego’s bamboozles lets us do that. Well done! Gassho

 

Life-long focus has been on looking good and fixing conditions until they’re right. Never produced the dreamed-for happiness. Now, practicing loving what’s in front of me. Often forgetting, but continuing to practice. R/L Gassho

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Great point! We do get bamboozled into forgetting to direct attention to thisherenow. Old habits, as they say, can be hard to break. If we’re breaking those habits to “be the right person,” the process will be brutal because it will be an ego v. ego game only ego is going to win. But if we’re practicing loving what’s in front of us because loving Life gives us the happiness we’re always dreamed of, we’re already home free! Gassho

 

Something I used to say a lot was, "I just want to be nobody doing nothing." Take a break from being "a somebody" like I needed to travel away somewhere to do it. Now I know that I just need to disconnect from the conversation with conditioning! Ah! Wonderful. R/L

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Now that’s a time-saver as well as a money-saver, isn’t it? Not being fooled by voices that say we need to go off alone to some island somewhere to have the peace, joy, and freedom we “know” is possible, we can just stay right here at home and give all attention to the wonderful life that is ours to have. Gassho

 

Feel best in activity, (nine with three wing.) However, three conditioning bothers about “loose-ends.” It nags of things undone even things that cannot be finished now. Realize it’s egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate trying to take me from Life. Practice breathing and staying present just doing the next thing that can be done. R/L

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Yes, we practice being with what is so NOW. Any attention to past or future and egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate puts a foot in the door and starts taking up more space. Seeing that tendency, we make, and listen to, lots of recordings about the perfection of thisherenow, right? Gassho

 

Parents approval through productivity and attractive mate has been a fundamental base all my life. I even obtained a Phd in sciences because of that!. I was shocking when realized. Today reinventing me following a deep internal feeling. I faced a strong mental struggling when deciding. R/L

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A word to the wise: You don’t actually want to “reinvent me.” A new and improved ‘me’ is still going to be a me, and a me is still going to be an illusion of a self separate from Life. In practice, we learn to let go ego-identity so that Life can animate the human being directly, bringing a life of peace, joy, and satisfaction. Gassho

 

Hearing, “wish I had more 3 qualities-don’t relate”-caught egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate doing the observing. Used R/L to see that many qualities resonate deeply and yet can still feel/hear egocentrickarmicconditiong/self-hate interpreting. Curious: why is it so loud? Rather than just go with “don’t relate” what is actually there to see? Still looking. R/L

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When a little kid really wants something, do they tend to be quiet about it or loud about it? Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is in a “life and death” struggle to get and keep the attention it needs to continue to appear to exist. When there’s something wrong, a problem, feeling bad, urgency, too busy, etc., a human being will give attention to ego. That’s why it’s so loud! Yes, indeed, keep looking. That’s what we’re here to do in this great adventure called awareness practice. Gassho

 

Three-ness showed up when my “dream” job was eliminated. Egocentrickarmicconditioning/ self-hate taunted, “Your product wasn’t good enough! You’re worthless!” Years of shame and anger ensued. Now retired, but ego still trots out this tired old story regarding housework, social engagements, etc. Catching it ever earlier! R/L

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Good! It never quits, does it? As if you can change what happened then all these years later! As if what it’s saying was true even then! HA! Enough. It’s had all your life force it’s going to get, and you now know how to cut it off before it has a chance to inflict suffering. Gassho

 

What showed up first/strongest was resentment against 3’s. The story was “because other people are performing, you have to perform, too. If they would stop, you could, too.” Helpful to see the outward projection and egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate’s attempt to distract. The resentful feeling can be reminder to redirect attention. R/L

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Yes, it surely can. That “if they would stop/you could too” is such fertile ground for egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, such a little kid wail of “s/he started it!” (We did learn this stuff early, didn’t we?) As grownups practicing awareness ,we get to see that if we want to stop doing something we can, and we really don’t need for anyone else to do or not do anything. Talk about freedom! Gassho

 

Examining: looking for fulfillment by managing others’ opinions of me vs. experiencing fulfillment by having all attention in Present. Focus on Three enneatype has brought into relief ego’s supposed attempts to seek satisfaction “outside.” “ desire for mate, in work performance, etc. Seeing it = reminder to come back here. R/L

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YES! We’re learning to use everything egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate does as a signal to bring attention to thisherenow, to Presence. Realizing there is no outside, we get to bring attention back HERE where ego’s shenanigans are highlighted against what is actually so. Much more fun, isn’t it? Gassho

 

My mother boasted about her "superiority" and she worried about image. I hated that. I do worry about image but always think that my house, job, appearance, lifestyle, etc., don't measure up. I tend to think people who look like they have it all together are empty and shallow. R/L

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Well, those are all good beliefs and assumptions to explore, aren’t they? You give such a great picture of how we (all) see things as children, how meanings get attached to those, how ego slips in and begins to use the entire unexamined mess, and we suffer as a result. Now you’re seeing it and seeing through it—the way out of suffering! Gassho

 

Helpful to see this ego-demand so clearly described: needing external validation for productivity. Listening to ego means that fear of losing quickly deflates any success. Heart’s desire is to be freely present, not stuck in ego’s prison. To be free, recognize the sign: “Ego’s Prison, Enter Here.” Then, don’t enter.

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Then go in exactly the OPPOSITE DIRECTION. Yes! That’s a great tip for all of us. What are the voices saying? It’s very likely the exact opposite is true. Not sorta opposite—exact opposite. The world of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is not called “the world of opposites” for no reason! Gassho

 

Frequently fall for a process of seeking external validation. Sometimes paralyzed by need to present positive image. Prioritizing other people’s expectations has delayed even identifying my own desires. Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate claims following my own desires, even if I knew them, would be self-indulgent. Lots to look at here. R/L

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Here’s what we all can know: Ego calls everything other than indulging it “self-indulgent.” Everything! Meditating is self-indulgent. Fixing and eating healthy food when so many people are hungry is self-indulgent. Going to bed on time when there’s “so much to do” is self-indulgent. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. This is big, what you’re seeing! Gassho

 

I easily adopt a persona of leader/facilitator/networker, and am confident and comfortable. I sometimes experience the energy of being “driven”. Conditioning says I am “putting on an act,” which makes me wonder if I’m just pretending everything is fine, ie I question my own experience. Gassho R/L

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Which is exactly what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate wants you to do! When “you” question “your own” experience (those quotes pointing to the need to question just “who” those “folks” are), where do you look for answers? Yep. You look to conditioned mind. And what will conditioned mind tell you? Anything that will cause you to suffer. Can you see it? Gassho

 

Obsesssion on showing that everything is “great", until I would fall apart. If not “at the top”, then “at the bottom”, no middle ground. Walls were built, “I” thought I was flawed, nobody could know my real me then. Fear of sharing weakness, “suck it up”. Lots of suffering

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Uh huh. There’s a very good description of the dualistic world of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. This or that. Top or bottom. Best or worst. When we step back, we can see how silly that is. But caught in it? Life or death! Gassho

 

Observing external success of others, egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate screams with envious desire to mimic the winners, and self-loathing shame. Blank spot that awareness can be trusted to drop in the next right step. Willingness to do anything to succeed. 'Self-betrayal? If I'm winning success, how can that possibly be self-betrayal?'

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You are ego’s mouthpiece with those question, yes? It can be very tricky to tell what’s behind those kinds of statements/questions. Does the person believe that? Are they speaking from what they perceive as true, or are the saying what the voices in conditioned mind are saying to them? The first part of your response makes me think you’re giving a report, which I hope is true. It would be extremely beneficial to the human being to give some focus to how an alternative will be implemented. Know what I mean? Gassho

 

At first I notice concern over the appearance of things around me and then more and more of the Enneatype shows up in me. Once projected a huge conflict with a Three; now see how alike we were all along and understand that success can be scary too. R/L Gassho

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I was right with you until that very last “conclusion.” “… success can be scary too” is the kind of assumption egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is eager to turn into “truth.” Everything is scary when we’re looking through the fear that is ego. From presence, success isn’t scary. From presence, everything just is what it is, nothing singled out as ego’s success/failure. The point I want to underline in what you wrote is “now see how alike we were all along.” What we struggle with in “others” is what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate makes unacceptable in us. Gassho

 

This is how my journey started. I fell hard for someone both financially better off and more in touch with this/here/now. My story spun so large that it created misery even in the face of joy. Words wouldn’t flow, actions were constrained. I wasn’t where I most wanted to be. R/L

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First, that’s definitely NOT how your journey started. Second, there’s no need for the slashes in thisherenow; it’s written as one word because it’s one thing. And, it’s not “your” story. All that said, yes, it’s very helpful to see that egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate lies when it promises we’ll be happy “just as soon as” we get everything it tells us we want. You “got” everything you were told you wanted, and ego set about ruining it for you. This is actually quite helpful, isn’t it? Now you’ve seen how it does what it does. You’ve seen the “price” it will make you pay for listening to and believing it. Time to diligently direct attention to where you most want to be, yes? Gassho

 

I spent half my work life looking for external fulfillment in life. That ended with finding a conscious spiritual practice. As a young boy, i was the entertainer for my family--to gain approval and ease family tensions. I no longer need others' approval-I could care less.

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Hmm… that juxtaposition of “conscious spiritual practice” and “could care less” is an interesting one. Gassho

 

This comes out socially, constantly monitoring how others might view me. It leads to seeing interactions as power-struggles and opportunities for manipulate. This power-struggle is a manmade there is nothing real in that. I hide/obscure so much that when alone I have trouble knowing who I really am.

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Well, I suspect you’re not alone in that “not knowing who I really am.” Most folks left the authenticity of presence so long ago, making a “survival” alliance with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, that not knowing who they are has become the “natural” state. It is for this reason that we practice awareness, isn’t it? We reach the point when ego’s survival is killing us, and we start looking for a way out of that prison. Here we are, huh? Gassho

 

Just realized that identifying with Type Three in large part led me to Practice. Without even noticing this process until right now (having “right job/spouse/house” then dissatisfaction), Ego kept me from seeing that dissatisfaction and desire to fill a deeper need helped get me to Here. Grateful Gassho R/L

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Yep! When we realize we’re on a path to the freedom of presence, we’re grateful for every step that got us here. No more looking to conditioned mind for stories about what was wrong or missing in the past, nor for stories about what will be wrong or missing in the future. Just this, right here and now is more than plenty for us, right? Gassho

 

I judge myself constantly by my actions: their success or failure, and now that I am older and post-stroke impaired, my actions are even less accomplished, leading to shame, frustration. I also "perform" dramatically to get attention. I want love and admiration but don't trust it.

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First, “you” don’t judge you, egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate judges you. You’re listening to a conversation in your head that talks about success or failure, and how you are doing. Those voices (that conversation) make you feel shame and frustration, AND it’s the very same voices that make you not trust the love and admiration you’re given. Watch. Listen. Pay close attention and you’ll see it happening. THIS is what awareness practice reveals. It also, happily, gives us a way to end the torture! Gassho

 

“Nothing” was coming for Type 3. Then, saw “I” was secretly hoping I’d be honored at a celebration event for a big project. Felt silly. I enjoyed the work. This desire distracts me from now, and likely would from the event. I enjoy working for the sake of it, not for reward/ recognition. R/L

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AND, there’s no reason not to be sure that sincere, hardworking person feels honored, appreciated, and celebrated, is there? We all want to feel seen and loved. True? That’s the beauty of a relationship with the Mentor. There’s no risk of “feeding the ego” when we genuinely express appreciation for someone’s efforts. It just feels good all the way around! Gassho

 

It's always been impossible to choose a life path with ego's torturous "that's not the right choice" angle. Resulting shame about what others might think of my low-level job while pursuing a creative path, not having a 'career,' having no job at all, or whatever my current situation. R/L

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Well, you make a very compelling argument for not listening to or believing those voices! Stepped back, we can see the whole thing is nothing more than a campaign to ruin a perfectly good time, right? Perhaps a great gift to all of us would be for you to follow your heart and rejoice in that choice? Makes me happy just to think of you doing that! Gassho

 

From egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate’s standpoint, my greatest failure is not being a 3. A 3’s characteristics are what are valued and what I lack! So I’m pushed to somehow manifest a 3’s traits. The Mentor encourages me to turn away from that belief and get here to discover what’s so. R/L Gassho

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Ah, that Mentor never fails us! Ego’s take is “however you are you should be different.” If you had every 3 characteristic, THAT would be what’s wrong with you. One day we will all die. Will we have had a life that brought us joy, or will we go out with bitterness and regret? If we stick with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, we will definitely get option 2. Probably the last thought/word will be along the lines of, “Well, that was a bust and it’s all your fault.” We can put an end to that right now! What does Life want for you? That’s what we’re finding out here. Gassho

 

Story is: “Inherently unworthy”, yet the redemption strategy of hard work, money, success, is never enough. This runs deep, awareness is resisted; I rationalize, and hustle. Need perspective; coming back, (again and, yet again) to stillness and silence; experience the energy, and then the release of delusion. R/L

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You’re getting a good sense of where to end that reign of tyranny, aren’t you? Two places: 1) any hint of unworthiness is a signal to turn attention to thisherenow; 2) Anytime awareness is resisted, you can know the devil is lurking and you need to turn attention to thisherenow. Pure bull hocky is the name for that crapola about “inherently unworthy.” There’s no evidence of any such thing, though huge numbers of people have gained a lot of money and power by putting the notion forward as “truth.” Gassho

 

Letting go “hard” work, competitiveness, and pursuit of goals, there is spaciousness for loving work, cooperativeness and attention to thisherenow. From presence, there is connection to and satisfaction with the oneness of all that is, and from this place a deep resonance with the intelligence that animates. R/L

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This is so. When we’re with/in Life, all that dualistic nonsense just falls away. (I’ve removed the spaces between the words in thisherenow.) Gassho

 

I saw 3 checking to see if others are watching. When running late, projections of "what they think" appear. "Looking good" (according to standards of 1) is paramount. It's not me!!! Such a relief, thisherenow. But what will others think of this response! No need, just submit and breathe. R/L

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Oh, if only we could all get these two simple “truths”: 1) There are no “others,” and if there were they would be thinking whatever they’re thinking and we would have no control over that; and 2) nobody is thinking about us! Ego is watching us all the time so we think those others are. As we get the hang of “watching” egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, it quickly becomes clear that we are just simply not that important to people. Ego may rant, rave, obsess, and fume in conditioned mind, but a little watching will show us that has nothing to do with anybody. It’s just ego reinforcing ego at a human being’s expense! Gassho

 

Notice procrastination because my response is not good enough, insightful, successful enough. With more time I could perform better. Tiring, anxiety producing and not me. Gassho. R/L

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Exhausting yet unfulfilling, right? Time to stop giving that conversation so much attention? Attention is ours to direct. We have a habit of letting egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate do the directing, but we can stop that at any time. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, we can up the awareness practice that will end a life-ruining habit. Gassho

 

Returning to the breath between projects replaces the search for approval for what I've just done, with what is present here and now, R/L

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This is very good, AND you know you can breathe DURING projects, right? Gassho

 

Whoa! Intimacy issues, shame about who I really am, difficult to know. As a result of hiding the belief from the world of my worthlessness, I feel terrifyingly alone. I hear from our practice that it's a lie, but sadly, I don't quite see it yet. This feels huge!

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It is huge, and it’s not true that you don’t see it yet. You do see it. You wouldn’t be here, in this class, sending in these responses about what you’re seeing if you didn’t see it. Yes? What hasn’t happened yet is stopping it. That’s okay. Now you know what you’re stopping! Those voices have convinced you that you’re unworthy, and, yes, that’s a lie. What you get to do now—seeing the terrible toll this is taking on your life—is to, ready? Pick up that recorder and get to know the Mentor, the conscious compassionate awareness that can lead you out of this suffering. Recording and Listening is the WAY. It is. Will ego fight that? Of course. That’s how you can know R/L is the way to freedom from ego. Okay? Gassho

 

Seeing this in reference to job/education; use both in hopes people won't look further and find me lacking. Can see how it interferes with intimacy. Interesting to think of it as a lack of authenticity rather than just a lack. R/L

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Great insight! There’s no lack of anything, is there? What we have is too much of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate! Get down through that layer and what we find is the joy of the Unconditional Love that IS Life. Stated differently, when we “look further” enough we find the Buddha! Gassho

 

I have noticed that the "performer" seems to appear during times of stress. When I am focused the external she is abandoned and it feels like I am chasing something can never catch. Also there is a strong belief one shouldn't "perform". R/L

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Not able to follow that second sentence, however, the last one is plenty! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has “strong beliefs” that keep us in its dualistic world of suffering. You should/you shouldn’t, you want to/you shouldn’t, you must/you can’t and so on. As you continue to pay attention, you’ll see those opposites popping up everywhere. Sometimes the opposites are given different titles so we don’t recognize the duality. I should be assertive the way you are, but when I do that the voices call me aggressive. It’s a no win game that we stay trapped in until we can step back enough to see if for what it is. You’re stepping back! Gassho

 

Must be productive, Be the best--"my patients recover quicker when I'm the therapist". I see it when telling people my job title, "PT assistant"----I usually abbreviate and say "physical therapist" to A. Make it easier to explain and B. Avoid egocentrickarmicconditionings beatings for being "just an assistant". It's interesting to witness!!

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And that attitude—it’s interesting to witness—is what will thwart the fiendishly nefarious shenanigans of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. It cannot do what it does when it’s being watched. That’s why distraction is such an issue for conditioned folks. We try to see what’s going on, and the next thing we know we’re looking up the origin of a belief in unicorns on the internet. “It’s interesting to witness” is the path to freedom! Gassho

 

Seems everything I do goes through filter of “how do I look?” Say something unfortunate, “are they mad at me?” Make a mistake, cover up “evidence.” Even with the mundane, a subtle checking w/ego on how I’m doing. It’s all about “me.” Where does the human get to be alive? R/L

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The human doesn’t get to be alive as long as egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is running the show. That’s what the Buddha meant by working out our own salvation diligently. Diligently is a REALLY important part of that admonition. Not dawdle. Not “do it when you have some extra time.” Diligently. Because the human won’t have any of this lifetime until that happens! Gassho

 

In career, the drive until recently had been to be seen as successful, as a high producer, efficient and skillful. Now being self employed, much more attentive to self care, and to kindness as the way and the result. R/L Gassho

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Well done! Often, self-employed means working for a true maniac! What I’m projecting you’ve seen is that lovingkindness and care as the process yields lovingkindness and care PLUS efficiency, effectiveness, and productivity as the outcome. True? Gassho

 

Making presentation to community groups was a part of my job. Preparing did not work so well. I knew the material and cared about my subject. It was better being spontaneous. This is where I found my “performer”. I don’t see it showing up elsewhere. My mind/brain feels muddled, foggy.

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Perhaps the muddled/foggy is because you don’t know and care about your current subject in the way you did with your job? Perhaps knowing and caring about Life, about thisherenow, will enable Life to make a “performer” of you again? Gassho

 

Egocentrickarmicconditioning self hate telling me what I should want and be and punishing me for not having it and being the wrong person. Result: self centered and critical behavior. Not good if you want to be a good friend. Gassho R/L

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And so good to see, yes? All this focus on how “I/me/my” HAS to be (to be the good, right person, of course) is nothing but critical, judgmental egocentricity. I don’t want to be perfect out of some altruistic love of humankind; I want to be perfect so I’ll be better than everyone else! Oh, doesn’t sound so noble phrased that way, does it? But it’s true! Seeing it, we can begin to step back from it and practice being a good friend—to Life! Gassho

 

Enneatype 3 is familiar. The process: Ego uses content that is ˜important’--project, relationship, PRACTICE, “You must work hard to be ‘successful’. Success (or failure) defines you/your value.” It’s convincing. Use R/L to remember this process, regardless of content, and there is no I to be defined by achievement.

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Excellent! Your neighbor and I were just discussing the same thing. Your point is essential: The way we’re going to remember how we’re getting bamboozled so we can avoid said bamboozle is R/L. Will we get an argument on that? Sure. But not from anyone doing Recording and Listening practice! Gassho