Enneagram Class 5

CLASS 5 FINAL

I sometimes hear conditioned mind doing a gigantic processing job. I like to pull the plug whenever possible. It's all just as it is. I don't have to have so many formulated opinions about things. All this is just as it is. It's better practice to stop the thought train.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Always. It can seem as if “pulling the plug on egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is something we like to do whenever possible,” but it’s critical—if we want the life that’s ours to have if we choose it—that we turn “like” and “whenever possible” into a stronger commitment. It can seem we’re “making our own decisions,” but catching on that such a casual approach is being orchestrated by the very force devoted to controlling a human life can put some starch in our resolve. Know what I mean? Gassho

 

I notice sometimes when I’m in a group, the belief that I don’t belong arises, and I default to being the observer, rather than actively contributing and participating. Observing feels safer than risking emotional exposure. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Observing makes ego safer. That’s all. It doesn’t make you safer. You’re the one being held hostage by an energy-sucking insatiable hungry ghost whispering hateful messages in your ear. If we were in a retreat that put us all in the same room, I would ask, “Anyone else hear in your head that you don’t belong?” and 99% of the hands would go up. It’s one of ego’s favorite bamboozles. Now you’ve seen it. Now you know “what” that “observing to be safe” is serving—and it’s not you—so you can get right on with contributing and participating. Very glad to have you! Gassho

 

I catch myself holding back reaction to or parenting from my gut in some situations with my preTeen boy.  Egocentrickarmicconditioing tells me "the best way to do this is found online in an article written by experts."  Time to take a deeper look at thAt and practice trusting my gut.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Even better! Develop a Recording and Listening practice that gives you access to the wisdom, love, and compassion that is Life. You don’t have to turn to experts, and you don’t need to rely on a “conditioned gut.” You can learn to be present, in the moment, and respond to what’s arising. That’s the whole point of awareness practice. Gassho

 

Noticing I have a clenched stomach when anyone is around or even might come into the room. So subtle or just so constant I don’t even notice it! Or is it egocentrickarmic-conditioning/self-hate constantly whispering a really unheard story that just seems like it has something to do with other people? R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here’s what I am confident about: You can answer that question for yourself by doing what you’re obviously already doing—paying attention. The ego-maintaining voices want you to believe stuff like “I don’t even notice it!” but obviously you do! You’re telling us about it. If you can describe it, it’s because you’re seeing it, yes? Keep watching and you’ll hear the whispering right before the clenching. Oops, was that too big a hint? Nah, you’re still going to have all the fun of direct experience discovery! Gassho

 

There is the appreciation of quiet, the love of learning and the avoidance of emotionally taxing individuals and situations. Karmicconditioning/selfhate advises: "take care of yourself and conserve your energy." Then the voices chastise me for not contributing enough. The little girl feels lonely and disconnected. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Buddha encouraged us that we “have one person to save.” You know who she is, right? Really good people get trapped in unhappy lives by trying to do what the voices say is the right thing to do. Don’t do that! Ditch the voices and start doing what will put an end to that lonely disconnection. What would that be? You know, right? Continuing to practice awareness only more so! Connect with practice and the loneliness will disappear. You and you will have found one another. Gassho

 

Resonate with feeling overwhelmend and drained if not enough alone time, too much input exhausting.     Need time and space to digest emotion and information, if do not have, there is a shut down.  Mentor encourages staying with sensations while in connection, that only egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate wants to be alone, separate. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now there’s something important for us all to get: “Alone” for egocentric karmic conditioning/ self-hate means separate, isolated. The “alone” that we feel in our company is an experience of connection with all Life. Very different, isn’t it? Gassho

 

With PTSD, energy management is very important. I struggle to balance much needed "alone time" vs unhealthy isolation. Ego tries hard to solidify identity of "I can't do x, y, z," and that closes off new experiences and connections. Lots of fear of PTSD symptoms/setbacks if I miscalculate my energy.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I so hope you’ll stick with practice. I know that all you wrote seems/feels really, really true currently, and I can promise you it isn’t. Fear is ego, and ego is going to attempt to get people into fear about as much as it can. Fear is a terrible motivator, a terrible physician, life coach, etc. Presence is what will guide us perfectly, and there’s never any fear in presence. The voices will want to claim that “she doesn’t understand,” but she does. This practice has freed people from every condition known to humankind, and PTSD is no exception. Gassho

 

Feelings are not safe- so I started ignoring them at a very early age. Now, I can’t find my feelings, I can’t feel things! I am practicing with singing and dance to enliven my emotions and help me get back to emotional expression. Perhaps feelings can be good? R/L Gassho

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You’re a sentient being…. I was expressing the hope that your neighbor stick with practice; I express the same wish to you. It’s probably safe to say that more people are cut off from their feelings than are in touch with them. The reason that’s so is that even people who think they’re in touch with their feelings are actually in touch with what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate tells them they’re feeling. Awareness practice will answer all your questions, and it’s a whole lot more fun than trying to figure things out. Gassho

 

The fear of being seen as unworthy keeps me isolated physically and emotionally. The fear of failing keeps me small and from not fully participating. If I can't go all in, then ego says no.  I get told people take energy and they are a threat. Gassho R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m guessing that’s the crapola you’re practicing to get free of, yes? If you can’t go all in, ego says no and you’re never allowed to go all in? Ego makes sure you always feel like a failure so you’ll stay small. Ego also makes sure you feel unworthy so you’ll stay home with it. What you’ve seen as true is that ego takes energy and ego is a threat. Right? Here we go! Gassho

 

Knowledge feels like preparation to do my best. Aware of ego’s mental/noodling preoccupation - seductiveness of it wanting to control/compartmentalize for predictable/safe future. Much enjoyment/presence experienced in observing, sometimes slower participating/jumping into unfamiliar. Perhaps 9 with 5 wing? Dropping the stories - being present to gratitude in thisherenow, Ahhh. Gassho R/L.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Figuring it out and coming up with another label is just not where we want to go, is it? All that “you’re that way and that way and you like that because it gives you l, m, n” is just more of ego’s noodling. We see these attitudes and behaviors so we can stop believing and taking them personally, right? Each insight enables us to drop another of ego’s hooks and be a bit more fully present. Gassho

 

Two things arose. One, the belief there are things you can/must know before being able to make a decision and you must acquire the right knowledge. Two, valuing people based on what they know/don’t. Clearly with opinions about others, with R/L also see internal judgment/self-valuing based on knowledge acquisition.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That’s good to see, isn’t it? Looking through the lens of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, we get conned into believing that “I see them.” With practice, we begin to see that actually “it” (egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate) is “seeing” me. Everything I’m “guided” by the ego voices to opine about others is what ego is using against me to control me. “He’s such a no-nothing” is going to come right back at me with “what’s the matter with you? You should have known that!” When we start seeing what’s happening inside the head as “not me,” we’re going to get way ahead of the game!   Gassho

 

Interesting to see others as "5" but not me! 5 helps to maintain (!) the good feelings. In the form of freezing/postponing the actions, phone calls etc at work!). Or acting out of 'fear' sensations/ predicting the worst case scenarios/scanning the conversations/rehearsing in the mind. All conditioning ! R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yes, those are all conditioning. It’s helpful/liberating to recognize behaviors and attitudes we’ve been programmed to see as “me” are actually egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate playing out a script. Each time we see conditioning for what it is, ego loses a bit of power, a little more of its control over us. Good, huh? Gassho

 

5 is not my primary enneatype but I see many 5 qualities in myself. They are just under the surface enough not to create noticeable issues but all restrict my participation in life by separating me from others. They appear small but have big results. I will be watching! Gassho R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You make an important point: Many of the qualities that conditioning would claim are “too small to create noticeable issues” do an incalculable amount of damage in a person’s life. The amount of damage is incalculable because conditioning keeps the “causes” under the surface. I may be suffering but I have no idea that what’s “causing” that suffering is something that is operating under the level of conscious awareness, something I’m told is too insignificant to explore. Great catch!  Gassho

 

As a lifelong observer, I often have painful regrets over lost opportunities where I needed to “think about it a little longer”. This moves into “I've taken too much time thinking, so I have lost my opportunity (but I am also glad that “I” haven’t done anything “stupid”). Ouch! Gassho.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh, dear. That is a painful one, isn’t it? The good news is you’ve now seen it clearly and can safely let go that “lifelong observer” identity. Gassho

 

Ego reminds me of being “overly-mental” for most of my life. The best advice from the mentor comes in the form of “drop it,” “live in I don’t know,” and especially “there is no need to noodle that.” Learning to distinguish between being alone (in practice) vs. being isolated (identified). R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

These are very helpful explorations, aren’t they? Great to see the Mentor calling egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate on what it’s doing; it calls you “overly mental” while talking you into “needing to ‘know’ and noodling.” Evildoer! Gassho

 

5ishness leads me to research. Better research-- better results. Leave me alone with my studies. There is a time and place for everything. Even Buddhist study can be researched and "mastered.” So egocentrickarmicconditioningselfhate separates me further and I am pointed in a useless direction. Hmmm, better read up on this. LOL. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Or perhaps research “how to grow more humor.” It sounds as if you have a great start on that, and goodness knows an increasing sense of humor is a must for awareness practice. It is likely true that “Buddhist study” can be researched and mastered, but Buddhism? Never. Hui Neng said, “I don’t understand Buddhism.” He was pointing to exactly what you’re noticing. Thank goodness egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate can’t awaken. Gassho

 

Five's descriptions created many 'yes, exactly!' responses. Yet some major successes dropping that lens. Riding the bike path used to be an exercise in protecting myself. Memorable breakthrough realizing these micro-interactions could *create* energy, not just *drain* energy. Now exchanging smiles/energy is among the best parts of riding! R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Excellent. Again, it’s not “what,” it’s “how.” Seeing how the beliefs and assumptions held in conditioned mind control us, we’re able to let go the control and make conscious choices for ourselves. This is what practicing awareness gives us access to. Gassho

 

Comfortable with a lot of time alone. My mind always looking for something to read, to learn, a patron to uncover. I am not comfortable in a people gathering. Calculating all of my steps. Afraid of spontaneity and emotionally distant. Wonder which world out there I am loosing. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We don’t need to wonder, that’s just more of the same! As we practice being in presence, the world as it is is apparent to us. That “mind always looking for something to read, etc.” is an important place to look. That’s distraction. Ego would likely deny that. Television is distraction. Useless social interactions are distraction. Reading and learning? No. That’s intelligent. That’s what we should be doing. (Or something along those lines.) When we take away “the mind’s” ability to consume its addiction/distraction of choice, we start getting a clear view of how we’re being snookered. Gassho

 

Noticing a belief about not having enough energy, having to conserve energy, feeling overwhelmed and wanting to isolate in response. If something outside the routine occurs, the voices say “Wait until you have more energy.” Doing the thing “I” doesn’t have enough energy to do unfailingly brings more energy. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yes, it most assuredly does! Great catch. That “not enough energy, too tired, wait until later” is one of ego’s most successful dodges. People invariably assume it’s true! That is until someone is paying close enough attention to realize, “Wait a tick; I’m not tired.” Then that particular con is foiled. Gassho

 

See lack of trust in Life to provide guidance. "I" has to figure out threatening world...and "I" is what's telling me it's threatening! (Double meaning for "it" there: ego is threatening!) Way around this hook: "Is that so?" R/L Also, very mental: limited emotional states indicate screening by egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

All head/no body is an indication that perhaps egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has grabbed the wheel? That’s quite a good check-in, isn’t it? Is all the attention on the inside of the head? Has the body been abandoned for an intellectual discussion of possible danger? Very helpful. Gassho

 

Knowledge equals safety, distant from emotions, disengaged are all familiar. In depression, privacy morphed into fear of everything, even getting mail, but have learned to see those extremes and reassure instead. Crave time alone but realizing don’t love it. In fact, it’s code for going unconscious. Helpful to see. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Essential to see, wouldn’t you say? Ego craves time alone. Ego wants you (all of us) to go unconscious. Ego is fear, wants fear, wants a person to obsess about fear. Literally our lives depend on seeing through these horrible machinations of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Gassho

 

Going on a date with someone new, I noticed wanting to predict what would happen, and a story that the emotions that come up with dating are too scary/intense, and I need to get it "under control" (ego's control, of course) - enjoying the ride is not an option. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well, it wasn’t an option, right? Clearly it is now. You’re seen all this stuff. There’s no turning back now, is there? No? Good. Gassho

 

In midst of challenging circumstances and 5-ness manifests in doing work required almost robotically; an ego takeover that depletes the human.  Seeing how Life knows how to fly joyfully through the required tasks in a way that builds energy and takes care of all. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Marvelous. Here we have a great example of Practice In Action. (That will be the title of the movie when it comes out.) Life knows how to be joyful because Life IS joyful. We want to be joyful? We need to get with Life. Very good!  Gassho

 

Interesting point: expression of feelings and non-compartimentalization of different realms can help reduce sense of being overwhelmed by others and one's own weakness and flaws.Thanks

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If we stick with this presence stuff long enough, we’ll even realize there’s no such thing as one’s own and other’s weakness and flaws. I promise. Gassho

 

Many components here, of how I participate in life. Fear of being shamed, delayed emotions, believe that energy is limited and that needy people or social activities drain it from me.  Recently, practiced staying present when conversing with one of said "needy people" & saw that energy did not dissipate. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Ah ha! Very helpful, yes? The significant aspect is “staying present,” not “needy people.” So now you know you’re at choice when it comes to your life experience. Good to know, huh? Gassho

 

Five qualities manifest as a respite from the Four storms and the massive sensitivities that overwhelm my life. I do recover at home alone and fill my head with information and experiences that take me away from all that noise. It's like my introvert side, and I guard it selfishly.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

I would ask you to consider that is “your” “ego side,” and it is ego that guards it selfishly. The “your” is in quotes because that process actually has nothing to do with “you.” Keep practicing and you’ll begin to see it. The clue is when we have no choice in a matter. The voices will assure us that, “oh, of course you have a choice,” but when we begin NOT to do what the voices say, we get to see the scam. Gassho

 

Observer-- very relatable.  Have spent a lot of time in isolation to feel safe.  Emotions very scary most of life. Observing to gain knowledge and figure life out used a lot of time and space.  Still didn't feel safe!  Discovered only safety is in living life fully in present moment.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

And that is the truth, isn’t it? Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has all sorts of schemes and scams to keep us busy running scared. Net result is continuing to run scared. Blessedly, we get the information that the only safety exists in thisherenow. Gassho

 

Chronic illness brought 5 characteristics to the fore. Need for alone time, compartmentalising and belief energy is limited feel very real. Have been looking at this in practice. Can see ego has created a new "me" which is just another identity. Dropping this is the challenge!  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

For all of us! Dropping the latest identity ego is creating for us is a challenge for us all. It’s pretty much a full-time job, isn’t it? Fortunately, we don’t need to keep coming up with new solutions for the spiritual opportunity we call ego. The answer is always the same—get HERE. Gassho

 

Overwhelmed by too much input. Value time alone, can end up isolating. Mood/ energy crash unpredictably so afraid to commit/get involved. Get great ideas, but hard to act. Ha! egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate telling me I won't have energy but isolating/ being stuck cause the crash. Taking action would create energy.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

So true that participating creates energy. Isolating means going off alone with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. It says we’re getting away from all those overwhelming, energy draining people, but actually we’re just holing up with the great energy suck of the universe. As soon as we get into Life, the energy flows. Attention is with Life in thisherenow, and there’s nothing to drain the energy. Energy keeps building, and we have to learn to just sparkle, twinkle, and shine with all the energy coursing through us. Not a bad problem to have!  Gassho

 

Seeing the process of “not safe” which results in withholding, lack of participation in group or work settings. Egocentrickarmicconditioning—self-hate tells karmic story of not being equal to other people. A fear that others will reject me or think less of me if I share or reveal thoughts or emotions or feelings.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

That’s the scam, all right. You’ve caught on to it. Do you see that the “rejection” and “thinking less of” happen only in conditioned mind? That’s the process to watch!  Gassho

 

I see the process of "I'm not that" "oh yes you are."  The observer arises when "i" am tired.  Noticed and joined daughter rather than watch her play. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

On Project Joy this morning someone was talking about unexpectedly having some “extra time” and watching the voices say, “Lie down; you’re tired.” After lying down a few moments, the clarity dropped in that “I’m not tired,” which was fallowed by the clear guidance to “get up and do what you want to do.” It’s a very familiar bamboozle. The voices day we’re tired, and if we’re not paying close attention we fall for it and behave accordingly. You were present, saw the con, and chose participation. Happy parent, happy child! Gassho

 

I definitely see a wanting to conserve "my" energy and a belief that engaging with others drains it. I thought that was an introvert thing. Actually, being present, alone or with others,  increases energy because conditioning isn't siphoning it away. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

BRILLIANT! There ‘tis in the proverbial nutshell. It isn’t a matter of alone or with others, it’s a matter of presence. Not present alone, not good. Not present with others, not good. Present. All good. Gassho

 

For many years, limited interaction with people outside of work/spiritual practice.  Home life fairly solitary, quiet - no TV, rarely music - and request that of roommate.  As part of spiritual practice, deliberately reaching out to people and scheduling social time weekly - enjoying it!  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Here is a clear case of “it’s not what, it’s how.” Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate would convince people that solitary/quiet is the way of spiritual practice. Certainly time in solitude and silence is, but NOT when it’s imposed by ego. You will likely still choose not to have distractions, AND “people” and “distraction” are not synonyms, are they?  Gassho

 

The wallflower: goodness and energy felt inside yet restrained in effort of  ˜self-control and acting responsible’. Instead of LIVING LIFE with this energy, ego traps me as the wallflower and I end up watching a movie in my head depicting how awesome it would be to live with this energy! R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Well, you’ve nailed that, haven’t you! Starting to be awesome living in Life with that energy? If people realized how much the world needs Life energy, there’d be no holding back! Gassho

 

Working with my 5 qualities has been the most transformative. All of these feel “skin,” and there is a layer of conditioning that tells me these qualities are “zen.” It’s been so fun (and ongoing!) to learn to investigate without becoming an investigator in relationship with egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate. Gassho R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Very freeing to go out on our own rather than “investigating” Life under the direction of that bogus “firm” of investigators called Egocentric, Karmic, Conditioning and Self-hate. Hard to conduct a proper investigation when those we’re working for keep planting false evidence and phony clues! Now, instead of investigating Life we’re going to let the attention and awareness that is Life investigate them.  Way more fun. Gassho

 

Fun seeing how all types intertwine. Experiences such as life feeling confusing(6), as there being finite resources I need to protect(5), a right and wrong way to be(1,3) trigger 5-like coping mechanisms. Practicing retreating to Life’s “knowing” and quiet instead of ego’s escape when I feel the voices gearing up.R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It is fun and here’s a suggestion: Rather than retreating to anywhere, just come to presence. With all attention in thisherenow we needn’t do anything. See what I mean? Gassho

 

Experience of Five characteristics is strong: Need for privacy that can lead to isolation, having very strong feelings and wanting to deal with them when alone, the tendency toward a mental approach and the resulting experience of emotional distance. Finding that opening up to Life is challenging, and heart opening. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

See if this is your actual experience: The challenge is learning to direct attention away from egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Opening up to Life is just heart opening. True? Gassho

 

This more than others shows me the false separate-self trying to ensure survival, energy, comfort even though it doesn’t exist. I have been in that situation where I want to do something but I simply cannot. My desire is being squashed by something else. Not a shyness but ego’s endurance.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

YES! The “difficulty” is not with Life, with life, with circumstances, or with you. The one and only difficulty ever is the grip egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate has on a human being. Shyness. There’s no such thing! People are terrified of what the voices of self-hate will do to them so they hang back and get labeled shy. You’re not shy. Self-hate is hateful. Big difference, isn’t it? Gassho

 

This is how I use magical thinking to keep safe.  I watched myself do it in a social situation and at work.  It spun up in another context, and I saw it clearly for what it was (horsepucky) and jumped in rather than wait and gather more information. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

GOOD FOR YOU! Practice in action. That’s the very best, isn’t it? You’ve been paying attention. You see how ego does what it does. You recognize it when it goes into its routine, and you cut it off. Gassho

 

My job is all “knowledge” and “science”. “I” was early on drawn to science because of its predictability, experimental control. Deep knowledge of the brain would allow me to fix my problems, not needing anyone: WRONG. No peace without surrendering “knowledge”, embracing faith, connection and love. Tears in my eyes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you see that “WELCOME HOME!” sign? That’s what brought those tears, isn’t it? No peace without surrender…. We can just end that sentence there, can’t we? Well done! Gassho

 

Noticing “I” immediately looks to conditioned mind for characteristics of a type and does not see any. It is in dropping that “I” and just noticing that I catch the Type Five voice telling me there will soon be alone time. Love catching (and dropping) this pattern. R/L Gassho

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s kind of addictive, isn’t it? It’s so much more fun to be present, to see, and to choose. As soon as we realize this is a game and not a contest, we can just relax and enjoy the whole thing. The Intelligence animating clearly wants us to wake up. Must be the case as we’re so obviously “rewarded” by presence! Gassho

 

Type five shows up as belief in knowledge, predictibility, focus on safety, overly mental approach. I might benefit from delayed emotions and compartmentalization of time commitments! Seeing a similarity between need for safety and perfectionism - it has to be “just right” or else it's not ok, according to conditioning. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That’s a great catch: a similarity between a need for safety and perfectionism. It makes complete sense: it just doesn’t work, right? What that approach can most effectively accomplish is paralysis! Gassho

 

Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate really wants me to dismiss observer because I am a doer and survivor to be feel safe.  I can get overwhelmed with too much or little information then perhaps triggered and even emotive. Recognizing and getting off the merry go round helps to keep me here today. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Developing a Recording and Listening practice can assist you to continue to recognize and get off the merry-go-round and, even more significant than that, can assist you to stay present every day. Just a word to the wise.  Gassho

 

"I" holds many delusions held at once:" I" have limited energy," I" am safe when alone", "my"  feelings overwhelm. Knowledge creates a protective distance from emotion.. Interesting to then consider Truth. Isolation is just isolation, emotions change like the weather and understanding and knowledge are very different indeed! R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sorry, hateful conversation in conditioned mind, it seems you’ve been spotted…. Seeing that opens up an entire world, doesn’t it? People trapped in conditioned mind truly believe they are seeing everything as it is. It’s very sad, really. There’s so much judgment in the world, it’s so unnecessary, and so not helpful. We’re all doing the best we can, given the limits we’re currently believing are facts.  Gassho

 

It took extensive exploration to realize that I can seek knowledge to feel safe--in emotionally charged situations. Instead of attending to/expressing feelings, I seek information so I can handle things perfectly (type 1) and help others (type 2) with logistics, while side-stepping everyone’s, and my, strong emotions. R/L.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hmm…. Am I correct in the projection that the exploration of “strong emotion” is next on your enlightenment to-do list? Seems the perfect time, doesn’t it? Gassho

 

Fear that I will not have the time and "space" to myself that I "need" keeps me from being present in what is actually happening in the this-here/now.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I can’t tell if this is something you’ve become aware of and are working on, or if that’s just a statement of the “facts” you believe. I hope it’s the former because it’s a really bad tradeoff, choosing fear over presence. (It’s not necessary to hyphenate or use slashes with thisherenow. It’s written as one word because it’s one thing.) Gassho

 

Delayed emotions resonate with me, especially “negative” ones. Anger isn’t registered until later. I fall for pseudo Zen student standard, staying calm, peaceful, equanimous. This gives the impression I’m okay with anything, even abusive behavior. Starting to see past conditioning and acting on authenticity even if its “too late.” R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And of course we know it’s never “too late,” right? We come to and we do what Life guides us to do in the moment of our awakening. Phony calm is actually cold comfort, isn’t it? And, yes, appearing to be all right with abusive behavior in order to placate ego is not something we want to encourage. Gassho

 

Ego uses the human to compulsively research information that it can use to control her (through fear  x causes y stories). With Awareness Practice, am seeing that the “knowledge” keeps ego “safe”, not the human, am building the ability to recognize the compulsion, not act on it, and free her.  R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Good job! Those behaviors that “keep ego safe” are only accomplishing that because getting a human being to give all attention to ego keeps ego at the center of the universe. There’s no such thing as safety, of course, but safety is a word conditioned people will buy. That’s solid practice you’re building. Gassho

 

One of my daily drives is to understand what I experience as chaos in Life; to make “sense” of what doesn’t make sense; to control what I perceive as out of control.  As I R/L and read this observation, I realize it is an attempt to manage my feelings. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yes! Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is controlling you by getting you to focus on behaviors that will “manage” emotions. Tricky, huh? Ego is kind of like a large corporation with various structures, policies, departments, workers, and management, all serving “the boss.” Ego tells people that, “You’re the boss; this is all being done for you,” and nothing could be further from the truth! You’re a sentient being. You’re built to feel. Now you get to be that. Good, huh? Gassho

 

Used to freak out about people invading my space and then feel guilty. My coach told me that even the Monastery has "boundaries": one can't just drop by anytime. Current work: no guilt and listening deeply inside and outside. Surprised at energy and interest available for other people. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You know the “freaking out” and “guilt” are the point rather than “boundaries,” yes? We can make any choices we want, but if we freak out/feel guilty when what we choose doesn’t go the way we want, that’s where we want to pay attention. In other words, folks at the Monastery don’t freak out if someone drops by, and then feel guilty afterward. It’s important to see what is content and what is process. And, yes, NO GUILT no matter what! Complete waste of time and energy. Gassho

 

Story about time energy being limited resources is familiar.  Truth dropped in that less energy is required when I flow at Life's pace and release the story that it's too much. Alone can be anything but restful if egocentrickarmiconditioning is with me. Ego is the energy stealer. R/L Gassho

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You got it! “Ego is the energy stealer.” Doesn’t matter where we go or what we do, if ego is getting the attention, energy is being stolen. Participation in Life and presence in participation are the keys to our freedom. Gassho

 

I can especially identify with having the sense that feelings are messy and best dealt with alone. As a single person, I often feel I’m imposing on others when I let my emotions out or ask for help. Over time, I’m feeling more and more isolated, which isn’t fun. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Moral of that story? Stop listening to the voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate inside your head. You can see how ego is setting that whole thing up, can’t you? You can only be how you are when you’re alone. If that’s the case and you want to “be how you are,” then alone is what you get. Now, there is the element of conscious, compassionate awareness guiding our actions. If we follow ego’s drama into becoming a puddle of hysterical sobs at every social gathering, the invitations might dry up, right? There’s the marvelous middle way called “authenticity.” Not ego’s definition of Authenticity (sobbing into the soup), but rather being as one is from as close to center as possible. Two-handed recordings are for the “sobbing into the soup” times. Gassho

 

The process of "thinking things through" creates a hollowness and an illusion of distance from life. It moves me away from emotion and energy in an effort to maintain order and to be smart/stay safe. R/L Gassho

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yeah, it’s a load of horse pucky, isn’t it? It’s not worth giving up a life for, that’s for sure. It sounds as if you’re ready to grab Life as your dance partner for the next round. True? If sitting out every dance with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate in order to “be smart and stay safe” were working, people would be a lot happier! And, one, two, three, four…. Gassho

 

Protection of private time resonates.  It seems more for the benefits of quiet and peace but at time approaches isolation, seeing no "benefit" in being with others.  Who/what would say that?  Makes me want to explore and see what else is there!  R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Excellent! You know, every abuser is very supportive of their victim isolating. Don’t talk to people. People are dangerous. (As compared to me safely controlling you!) Stay home. (The bruises don’t show that way.) You don’t need other people. (You have me to give you attention, read: slap you around.) It’s true there’s rarely any benefit for ego in being with others, as compared to keeping a person at home alone and isolated. But there’s HUGE benefit for the human being wishing to get out of ego’s tyrannical grip.  Gassho

 

Feel drained from too much input. Strong feelings preferred to be done in private. Seeing: that having emotions is perceived as weakness . Don’t often know what I feel, but know what I think. Hmmm. When in conversation with conditioning, it’s disturbing to be interrupted. When in presence, interruptions aren’t annoying. R/L

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Exactly! You have put your finger squarely on the genesis of the bamboozle! When we’re present nothing is annoying. Feelings are fine. People are fine. Stuff is fine. Everything is fine. When we’re with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, nothing is fine! There we have it! Gassho

 

 

Listening repeatedly to description helped illuminate this 5 aspect: Experienced people feeling intrusive-responded by avoiding/hiding-out (not answering phone call/texts). Felt intruded & depleted by people. Underneath avoidance are beliefs of scarcity/not enoughness and have to/should. Never seen avoidance from this lens. Turning to Life to care for practitioner. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

This is very good, isn’t it? Looking to scarcity (ego) to take care of us will never give us what we need. We’ve all met those people who would, as they say, throw anyone under the bus to cover their own behind. That’s a very good description of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. Not only would it, it does in every moment it can elbow its way to the front of attention.  Gassho

 

I've seen much about type 5 but not the pattern of reserving strong emotion until alone to process, and that rings true.  It’s risky (to ego!) to be spontaneous in expressing emotion, and an interesting place to pay attention.  See that "saving energy" is based on scarcity, a lie.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

It gets easier and easier to recognize the lies, doesn’t it? What ego is most afraid of is that we’ll realize we can do whatever we want, being guided by Life rather than controlled by it. Once we get it that without self-hate we’re free to learn, ego is in the rear view mirror. Gassho

 

I see ego pulling me out of the stream of life to read 'how to' knowledge to make me wise before I go back in- to stay safe from strong emotions or from living 'wrong', or 'unwisely'. I see using home as a safety shield from life and when fatigued."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s great to have home as a refuge, isn’t it? What we’re getting to see here, though, is that the controlling voices of egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate will make home a prison. We lose our ability to chose, required to do what they say we must do to be all right. No freedom in that, is there? The independent 5 does not take kindly to being controlled, once the control is recognized as such. Gassho

 

Appreciating privileged environment.  Often trying to avoid people interactions, especially if unpredictable.  Casual socializing is overrated.  Not seeing much about 5ish nuances  “keeping me out of Life“.  Can see lots of 5 in type 7 girlfriend “we“ are all types.   Ego “satisfied“ to use any of them.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m not sure what you’re saying here. Are you saying you can see 5 tendencies in wanting to avoid people interactions and casual socializing?  That words such as “unpredictable” and “overrated” point at strong 5-ish opinions? It sounds as if those attitudes do “keep you out of life,” at least the parts of life those attitudes want to keep you out of. Gassho

 

I am seeing how the need for time alone doesn’t have to be obsessive.  Looking through illusions of control brings more insight.  One of ego’s greatest bamboozles has been verbal abuse for strong emotional expressions.  Practice is showing me how to experience that energy with great joy and gratitude.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

We have an experience egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate simply doesn’t have—being human. We are sentient beings. We have bodies. We feel. Looking for information to something that does not have a body, does not have emotions, cannot feel (and has extremely limited mental capacity), just doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? But until we see it, we don’t know what’s happening or that there’s an alternative. Let’s hear it for awareness practice! Gassho

 

Seeing five-ness in my default response to new situations: do exhaustive research before acting to prevent “mistakes,“ discomfort. Excessive personal interaction drains my energy, so it‘s “realistic“ to limit participation. Observing is safer. Ego calls all this prudence, but it’‘s really fear of not being adequate to my life. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Actually, it’s ego’s fear that you’ll realize you are adequate to your life and that you don’t need it. Oops, too late. You already saw it. Now “you,” authentic human being, get to use those well-honed skills of “looking into” to question ego’s assumed “authority.” Gonna be fun! Gassho

 

Dropping stories, slowing down, R/L, and doing the assignment.  You can do it!  Sometimes I experience keeping feelings “safe“ and hidden.  If the other person isn’‘t going to listen to me, I don‘t bother talking.  There is a holding back to be safe aspect that I notice.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

And you’re obviously noticing that “program” is not giving you the “safety” you want, true? Being safe at home with a killer is just not what we’re looking for! How is that system a killer? It robs us of our life. It may leave us walking around, but we’re not ALIVE! I know you know what I mean. Gassho

 

First, a sense of delight by self at being seen. Second, a voice saying "any reasonable person would have these beliefs." Mentor: "My dear, we are being given the gift of seeing where egocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate is most comfortable --let's not trade the gloriousness of life in this unique expression for that." R/L Gassho

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wise words for all of us to live by! A “reasonable” person might choose to live by “beliefs,” but an awake/present person? NEVER! Gassho

 

Egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate can get annoyed by social interaction. Around certain people, it is safest to observe. The voices remind me to avoid running into people I know, lest I have to converse with them.  Showing strong sadness or anger is often avoided; vulnerability is scary  to the ego. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

You’ve got that groovy R/L so I’m guessing you’re using those messages from egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate to bring you right to present attention, yes? Very good. Oh, and you are doing everything you can to scare ego right out of existence, aren’t you? Very good! Gassho

 

Listening to my son and husband discuss finances and technology, I feel clueless and frightened. According to the voices, knowledge will keep me safe, and I know virtually nothing  about those areas. Doomed! Relief comes from counting breathes, smiling, staying present to life.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

A while back we were on a regular “learning to love learning” kick around Sangha. (I was truly hopeful that someone would take that up and write a book on the subject.) Social conditioning, formal education, pretty much knock a love of learning out of folks. Start something and you should already know everything about it. Don’t know? Don’t start. You sound like an intelligent person who could learn those subjects if you want to. If you don’t want to, drop the “clueless and frightened” part. There’s a ton of stuff everybody doesn’t know. No reason to be frightened about that. See what I mean? Gassho

 

Responding to the trait of wanting predictability, wanting to know what will happen. Wanting an assurance. Realize this is all conditioning. What "I" really want is the ability to trust in life, to know; there is no predictability, everything  changes in a moment and "I" am still alright, always alright!nR/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Yep, that’s it. We’re as all right as we will let ourselves be. What does that mean? The amount of attention we give to egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is the amount of “not all right” we are. Stop giving attention to egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, and it would never occur to us that we might not be all right. How’s that for a good deal? Gassho

 

 Delayed emotions. I cry alone.  When my feelings are hurt attention goes to conditioned mind - "those deep feelings will destroy you, they're unbearable."  Then it beats me for doing nothing.  Human suffers going back & forth. Drains energy.  Now attention is on process.  Practicing with Mentor's love. R/L 

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Good job! Clearly those “deep feelings” won’t destroy you, since they haven’t. Clearly those “deep feelings” are not unbearable, as you’ve borne them. Those voices are a lying sack of tu tu, aren’t they? And to that lying sack people give all their glorious life energy. You have seen the light and you are now in the “keep all the energy for the human” program. Gassho

 

Read the assignment, heard, “nope, this is the one not related to you,” R/L’d the assignment, listened and got to see how some five characteristics are familiar. So rather than being in a conversation, there was the space to have and pay attention to the experience. R/L Gassho

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Let’s underline that, shall we? By practicing, R/Ling the assignment and listening, you got to have your own direct experience. What a concept, huh? Not being in a conversation in conditioned mind, you got to experience the aware, awake, intelligent human being that we call “you” and you call “me.” WHAT A GIFT!  Thank you for that! Gassho

 

Egocentrickarmicconditioning/self hate says no one wants to hear what I have to say, my opinions are just fuel for conflict. What I say may turn out to be wrong, or something I recommend may hurt someone and then it will be my fault. Best to just observe and keep quiet. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Absolutely! Unless we consider that the one person we know for sure is being hurt is the human being listening to that crapola, right? You’re on to it, aren’t you? The thing I know from what you’ve written is that for you to be the rabble rousing, mistaken screw-up those voices want you to believe you are, you’d have to go to rabble-rouser screw-up school! And then you wouldn’t be able to pull it off! Not a chance. You can safely let that load go. Gassho

 

There is a desire at times to "know an outcome", to have assurance that something will happen, especially to provide a sense of security that things will turn out well. Interesting to recognize how then happiness gets projected out there. Another reminder to come home to happiness, here/now. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Yes, indeed. That’s lovely. “Come home to happiness.” That’s it, isn’t it? Gassho

 

The focus on "my" time breeds resentment, scarcity and separation.  The cue- "there is that type 5!" helps disidentify and turn to Life where there is plenty of time for All, including the person who might need a little extra time. Totally different energy. Gassho R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

So true. As a classmate phrased it, “wanting time doesn’t need to be obsessive.” We don’t always need extra time, do we? Sometimes we do, and when that’s the case Life will supply it. We don’t need to turn to ego to make Life happen! Gassho

 

Much fiveness here-- ego says "knowledge is safe, people are scary".  I try to balance alone time with social time, because even though I feel safe alone, I also feel lonely.  Unless I'm doing. I'm not sure how to just "be" other than meditation or music, ignoring the ego voice.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Well, stick with practice and in a (truly) shockingly short period of time, all will be revealed. You’re paying attention to what’s happening with you now—that’s the first GIANT step! Gassho

 

I don't want to deal with any sort of anger.  So I told her about the information withholding process I was in.  She said she thought it was sexy, and kissed me.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Proving those voices that are always going on about the “you can’t/you have to/you’d better not” know NOTHING about Life or Love, yes? Gassho

 

Saw the grasping that occurred when two people shared gossip. More knowledge = safety according to this egocentrickarmicconditioning program. Then avoided the beating for "being interested" in the gossip (because I was identified) but was caught by figuring out how to do it differently. I'll keep watching. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Do you realize how much clarity Life is dropping in for you? Read over what you wrote and you’ll see it. Yes, keep watching—you’re in very safe hands! Gassho

 

Right now I could benefit by what I think are some of the "5" strengths. To observe a bit more, take some private time, be less immediate, more attentive. Gassho. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++

How about you practice with what’s on offer, and let Life decide what will benefit you now? Gassho

 

 

I enjoy time alone and need to recharge after being social or busy. A strong “too much to do not enough time” karma causes me to limit social time because I can’t get enough done.  I used to believe it, now I practice with finding balance, saying YES more. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Proving that, as the old Zen types say, “When you pay attention, everything enlightens you.” The voices in conditioned mind say this and that; we get to use all of it as an opportunity to end suffering. Saying YES tends to hustle a person on down the path, doesn’t it? Gassho

 

Belief that I need hours alone everyday on the couch. It would be life changing to 'have enough energy' to redirect those hours to another purpose. Ego says, 'But I'm an introvert.' Mentor is curious if this human might feel energized by some other activities, too. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Go with the Mentor! It’s fine that ego wants to live with a label such as “introvert, but you don’t need to be limited by that. We are all expressions of All That Is. There are no borders, boundaries, or limits in All That Is. You and the Mentor can have some heart-to-hearts with the other “folks” sharing “your” body who would LOVE to get up off that couch and LIVE! Gassho

 

Five was my hometown. Now, thanks in large part to your crystal-clear and inspiring books and workshops, home has shifted. New address: participate fully, engage with life! venture out from mental realms of thought, interact! express emotions, share! Moving day is every day; it’s an on-going event and celebration.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thank you. THAT is truly inspiring. Don’t have to be an Enneatype 5 to take on that “nomadic” lifestyle. Following where Life leads, no questions asked, loving the whole adventure. Gassho

 

Habitually flooded by emotions, I've often felt 'broken' next to Fives who can (outwardly) control their emotional energy and seem confident and composed. The voices disdain my lack of polish. Conned, I too have chosen isolation, avoiding social situations with 'unsafe' people, sequestering myself with numbing media. Gassho. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

In the past, right? You did that in the past, yes? Avoiding “unsafe” people can be just plain old intelligent as we learn to let Life take care of us, but sequestering oneself with numbing media is just never going to lead to anything good. Seems you’ve noticed that, huh? I hope you find practice to be the “middle way” for you. Increasingly choose to “be with” (in person or via technology) people who are “safe” in the sense of operating within the Privileged Environment and take responsibility for their own experience. No more “numbing media,” please. (Open Air is always an option, you know.) Gassho

 

Seeing the story “I can’t handle it” feeds the isolation and figuring things out.  No intrusions or impositions wanted. Time slots are divided into must endure while longing for want to do.  No fun! Way out is loving what’s in front of me now.  R/L Gassho

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yes, that is the “way out” of ego’s prison. Just let the intelligence animating you choose for you. We can safely say “Whatever” to Life and “Yes” to what Life presents. Takes all the guesswork and worry out of our days! Gassho

 

When identified there’s a belief that there are only so many “tokens” to be used in any area -time, energy, generosity-this leads to being “stingy” and limiting  this human’s participation in Life. This process leads from and to a conversation in conditioned mind. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

That’s the worst part, isn’t it, that conversation in conditioned mind. As soon as we buy any story put forth by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate, we find ourselves required to consult conditioned mind for “guidance.” The Enneatype 5 is much more prone to get snookered by the “not enough” than the “something wrong.” It’s true those two tag-team famously, but the “not enough” is the true Achilles heel for the 5. Until we see it so clearly…. Gassho

 

Ego saw the assignment as intrusive! Noticing it's not really avoidance of emotions, it's avoidance of the conditioned meanings attached to emotions, which create more emotions, then more avoidance, always energy draining. Seems any enneatype is a strategy for avoiding Life and Practice a strategy for joining Life! R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well stated! We could add to what you wrote that the strategy for joining Life is energy giving, yes? There’s that image in Buddhism of the Wheel of Karma. It’s turning and turning in the direction of suffering—avoiding Life and draining energy. Then we find practice. The Wheel slows, comes to a halt and begins turning in the other direction, away from suffering, toward Life, gaining energy. Nice, huh? Gassho

 

Intruded on; demanded by others. Never enough me time but, there is so much time for noodling and irritation. At work, feel threatened by authority - they are so corrupt. Observer me,  scanning for what's wrong/annoying. Isolating from others. Get to be self-righteousness. Gassho R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

When we step back and see it so clearly, it’s a YIKES moment, isn’t it? What feels so right, so justifiably good, when we’re identified with ego looks downright creepy when we step back from it. When disidentified I can see that “I” AM that person I can’t stand! This is why we keep reminding ourselves that we are NOT that ego, we are the awareness that can see the ego. Doesn’t matter what ego is doing; it’s our opportunity to see it in action and choose presence. Gassho

 

"Watching the experience of “emotions feel out of control” when anger arose. Watching how “I” isolates to “figure it out.” Watching how unspoken judgment of anger/emotion shuts the human down. The Mentor suggests a recording that supports the human in focusing on the body sensations when emotions arise. Nothing wrong. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

That’s a great plan the Mentor is suggesting. Whether one is identified with Enneatype 5 or not, that’s a great awareness practice tool. Thank you for that. Gassho

 

Conditioning says I find myself in every Enneatype, make up my mind. Just one more thing I can't decide. Life tells me it's OK to notice and take joy in all the things I am, it doesn't mean anything if I see some of myself in all these types. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

We are all expressions of All That Is. If we’re NOT seeing ourselves in all the types, we’re being bamboozled by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. You can have this as a “nanner, nanner, nanner” moment with ego (thumbs in ears, fingers waving like a righteous 5-year-old!) because you’re right and it’s wrong! (Nothing in awareness practice requires us to act like a “grownup.”) Gassho

 

Never identified much with five; reading this I was surprised that many of five’s characteristics fit. This is good to see because if not present, conditioning views five’s characteristics as something wrong with me. On to it! Now see it’s only egocentrickarmicconditioning/self/hate harassing me with it’s five-ness. Presence is key! R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Presence is ALL! Don’t you just adore disidentification? We step back and see, “Ah ha, there’s nothing wrong with ‘me,’ it’s all an ego con.” Much more fun way to live! Gassho

 

Identifying as an Observer I compartmentalize, making artificial boundaries around everything in my life,  believing this gives me control.  Actually, it stops cross-fertilization and keeps energy constricted.   Slowing down and breathing consciously brings me to center and unconcerned with dividing life up into "manageable" pieces.  R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yeah, when we step back far enough to see what egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is fooling us into believing, we can see that actually Life is in control and doesn’t need any help from a puny little ego. Ego hates that of course but once we relax into “letting go and letting Life,” we lose interest in what ego does or does not hate. Gassho

 

Sense of safety/control, with intellectual analysis; figuring it out; rather than feeling. Lost opportunities for connections to self, and others. Using awareness strategies of centering, listening and reflecting back, before analysis. Relaxing the calculus for safety, asking holistically:  What is life offering? R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

This is another example of how cleverly egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate gets us to avoid questioning the original premise. All those behaviors are based on the assumption that 1) we’re not safe, and 2) we can control that. When we begin to question those assumptions, we can see the fallacious nature of the beliefs. We have no evidence that anyone has ever been able to control what happened to them. What happens to us, happens to us. We can build a fantasy world of “yes, but it could have been worse” or “but if you hadn’t such and such,” but that’s all fantasy. The fact is what happens, happens. Might as well learn to enjoy it, huh? Gassho

 

Often instead of listening to people talking I'm listening to conversations in the head. Ego goes on about everything possible--stories about them, comparisons, meanings. It will say, "You're stupid--you can't follow" and "they're wasting the effort of your attention and valuable time." Isolates me. Tired of it. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Good for you. We can give only so much life force to ego maintenance before we realize we’re not getting anything back for our contributions. No begins the process of taking ego out of the role of controlling you! Gassho

 

Yikes! I've morphed from a 4 to a 5. I thought life was providing me solitude and space to recover from a long season of loss, but now wondering if I've slipped into 5's isolation and imagined safety. Maybe both scenarios are true and it's a matter of finding balance.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe neither is true and it’s a matter of finding Life. Perhaps it’s time to drop conditioned mind and get into thisherenow, build a relationship with the Mentor, and eschew “figuring it out”? Gassho

 

I am afraid.  If I can know how things work then I can be prepared for "Armageddon." Protection masquerades as a need for privacy.  Meta message.  Trust no one or risk annihilation and death.  My heart longs for connection.  Must take the risks.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

One of my favorite movie scenes of all time is from an old Indiana Jones film. The fellow sends Indy off to save the world from the bad guys, admonishing him to “Trust no one.” Of course the one person Indy shouldn’t have trusted was the guy who told him to “Trust no one.” The guy didn’t lie! That’s what ego is doing to you. The voice in your head says, “Trust no one…” and you believe that means “no one else.” What you need to realize is that the primary thing in this world that is not to be trusted is the voice in our own head! True story. Ego is the source of all danger and all fear. Gassho

 

Started out noodling...knowing that I go to my head all the time figuring out.  Words...too many words that cause suffering.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

And so? And thus…? Gassho

 

Have really struggled with a need to spend time alone, especially first thing in the morning.  Always thought it was just who I am.  Now see that there are other options and that shutting myself away with egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate is not the best way to take care of myself. R/L Gassho

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

GREAT CATCH! “… shutting myself away with egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate is not the best way to take care of myself.”  Amen to that! Time to explore those other options, yes? Gassho

 

Too much input is exhausting, avoid drama, tendency toward isolation; causes me to keep my life small and suffering. Can see egocentrickarmicconditioning/selfhate at work here, telling me this is too big, better leave it alone. I see its tricks but still fall for them. Fall down, get back up.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

There you go. We are Daruma Dolls. Ego gets us, tricks us, fools us, then we come to, get back here, and acknowledge what we’ve learned. THAT is the whole point of Recording and Listening practice—it enables us to “keep” the insights we’ve received in conscious awareness. Without that, ego can just close over the insights and pull us right back down. Gassho

 

As a seven, my path to integration is through recognizing the aspects of 5 that are helpful: observing what is actually happening in every moment, relabeling "boredom" to peace,  finding joy in the ordinary, and noticing impatience. Sitting is extremely helpful for me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Actually, sitting is extremely helpful in dropping the “me,” yes? Do you know what happens when you’re identified with the aspects of 5 that are not helpful? Gassho

 

It’s finally happened. I don’t see myself anywhere in this description.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Then you’re not looking to presence; you’re looking to conditioned mind. Gassho

 

I don’t think I have strong feelings.  I believe I have a good balance of very pleasant alone time and social time.  It is easy for me to organize my life so I am comfortable and engaged with those that matter to me. Maybe I am just lucky.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe. Maybe it would be helpful to look a little deeper. Gassho

 

Seeing all #5 characteristics in myself.  I like to control as many aspects of life as possible, require much alone time, and keep emotions in check.  I don't enjoy social gatherings and prefer to spend evenings with my dogs and a good book. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well, you’re doing awareness practice so I’m guessing you’re looking at whether those are “choices from center” or having your life dictated by egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate. When we talk about being in control and keeping emotions in check…. Know what I mean?  Gassho

 

"Focusing on “my” time and energy keeps me suffering and separate from life and is exhausting! Feelings and emotions: don’t know what they are or what I’m looking for. So I know ego has its claws deep into me pulling the wool over my eyes! Time to remove the wool. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Awareness practice, another way of saying, “removing the wool.” You are embarking on a truly exciting adventure, and I sense that 1) you know that, and 2) you’re bringing a great sense of humor on the journey. A sense of humor is perhaps the most essential thing to bring on this path to awakening because ego despises humor! Gassho

 

Fiveness shows up in wanting to be alone with strong feelings although crying is the one permitted. Recently saw that going off to cry was going off to be with ecocentrickarmicconditioning/self-hate. Yikes! most certainly not safe.  I no longer indulge this abuse. I turn to the recorder instead. R/L

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh, good for you! That is a truly inspiring message for all of us. Going off to “be alone with strong feelings” is going off to be alone with ego. Absolutely not safe! Thank you for that! Gassho